Gawker
In recent Harvard graduates Greg Atwan and Evan Lushing's The Facebook Book, a chronicle of "the Facebook Generation" which sold last week to Abrams for around $50K, there should be an entire chapter about Harvard couple Daniel Hass and his lucky girlfriend Aleksandra Kuczmarska. Except there shouldn't be, because that book should not exist. Anyway, Daniel, like Modern Bride of the Year Heather Warnken before him, thinks the Internet should pay for his romantic fantasies.
See, Daniel and Aleksandra are celebrating a year together—a full year, people!—and they'd like to go to a hotel room for a weekend. A change of scenery is a great way to put the spice back in a relationship when you've been together that long! Problem is—well, let's let Daniel explain in his description of the Facebook group "Help Fund The Daliversary."
Unfortunately, given the price of hotels in Boston (or near any other bastion of civilization), renting a room for even a couple of nights is financially unfeasible. That's where you come in. We need lovely, generous, kind people like all of you facebookers to lend a hand to support our relationship. We're not asking for a big donation: just to make it manageable for us to have a nice weekend to ourselves to celebrate a year of happiness together.You know, I was just about to write a check to the ACLU so they can try to help sway the important votes coming up in Congress about those weird laws that allow our government to spy on us more and more? But I think I'll send Daniel and Alex the money instead. I mean, if a weekend in a hotel is "financially unfeasible" for them, think of what else might be! They probably can only afford a nice dinner date once a week or something!
Comments
I live up the block. They can rent my room for 10/hour. I'll throw in clean sheets.
I think cost-prohibitive hotel stays is the reason people get married.
Get them into a room with air conditioning, before they melt like waxworks in a matzoh oven!
Is Buffalo Bill still operating his Pit and Breakfast?
I'll throw in 100+ for a sterilization fund
There was a time when asking strangers for handouts was considered unseemly.
This makes me really glad that the Harvard admissions board tossed my application in the trash along with the other undesireables -- apparently a Harvard degree isn't want it used to be.
In the old days, there was a concept known as "shame", which, evidently, has become extinct.
Haven't they heard of the Holiday Inn for a weekend special? Come on people, you'll only be looking up at the ceiling all weekend anyway.
@cocoesq:
Stupid refresh function.
He's obviously spending way too much on expensive haircuts and adorable ties. Oh, and paying that much-more-attractive-than-him wife of his to sleep with him.
I see we've moved from Bora Bora to Boston in the pay-for-vacay registry. So let me enter my bid right now: I'll sleep with anyone here at the Super 8 in Billings for $25.
Why would you think that facebook begging is more dignified than sitting outside a 7/11 next to a mangy old dog with a sign that says "please feed one of us". They should have a first-year seminar on dignity.
Pawn the pearls, dear.
Then it's safe to assume their folks cut them off?
I just read some trend piece in the Boston Globe Magazine about how this generation believes themselves to be special and worthy of attention and expects to jump the queue and attain things they haven't earned.
I rolled my eyes and dismissed it as a typical silly mess of generalizations.
I will stop scoffing at Globe Magazine trend pieces now.
That's so weird...my parents are celebrating their 35th Daliversary next week. They're so cute. Dad's springing for that cut-rate nosejob Mom's been after, and my Mom got my Dad a tie from the Men's Wearhouse!
See I always knew the terrorists were confused about their targets.
Seriously, round up these douchetards, all those morons who wrote 8 paragraphs on their prep schools and any other trust fund kid looking for a handout and make them all move to an island....sort of like "Douchetard Nation"....
Next it will be penniless Yalees pandering for airfare to Europe.
Oh, wait. There aren't any broke Yalees.
You can find a place to stay on Craigslist and all you have to do is let a fat guy watch.
Happy Daliversary! You deserve every bit of scorn the internet heaps upon you. Here's to many more.
PS, Nothing says romantic like "junkie flophouse."
Entry from a member of the Facebook group, about says it all:
"actually I can help you!
Lick my balls for a while. Then I'll cum in your eye. Then I got your gas money.
Are you in or are you in?"
Is there a separate collection for quarters so they can get some condoms at the truck stop?
@City_Dater: But they have earned it! They have been together for an entire year. In today's dating atmosphere, that's, like, a lot.
My bigger problem, referring to Boston as civilized.
@notan-ism-ist: And here I was, about to make a pearl necklace joke.
@atipofthehat: Isn't that just a regular oven?
One upside is that these two are clearly meant to be together. I mean, there's going Dutch... and then there's looking on in approval as your boyfriend begs strangers to pick up the tab.
He's also hoping that someone will donate a penis.
How does this fit into the whole "Who pays for the date" discussion? Is it acceptable for the man to beg a third-party to pay?
@KarenUhOh:
Ok.
Did they even think to call Sally Struthers to help them out with this horrible problem. She could take a few dollars from the poor kids who don't know what they're missing and pass it on to this seriously deprived couple.
Greg Atwan graduated from college? Shit, I remember him when he was 5 and I was doing some work for his dad (Robert Atwan of Best American Essays renown).
I'm so old. Wait, I knew that. But this somehow brings it home.
@Sargasm: Pearls cost less than a hotel room these days. Unless that string she's wearing has something special that doesn't show up in a photograph [belonged to Jackie Kennedy or something], it should retail for about $200, tops.
I hear the Cross Bronx Motel is lovely this time of year...
@SlightlyLessDeliciousNoise: She's not attractive. At all.
We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks.
@notan-ism-ist: Wishing I had a Facebook account for the sole purpose of posting something to that effect.
@KarenUhOh: hey, wait a tick, I thought you were in Michigan?!
The comments on the Facebook group show that one or two Harvard kids still have the sense God gave peanut butter. I like the one who offered $5 a minute for video (his style . . . not his taste in porn.)
@VenusCloacina:
As somebody who is going to shell out $300 a night for my own hotel room in a nice place later this week, I was actually going for humor and as happens so often, missed.
With a name like hers she's going to start fucking Jeffrey Epstein once he gets out of the joint, trust me, dear Daniel. Save your money.
Can't he put that tie on his door for the weekend?
Uh, can't he just wait a couple of years until he's in investment banking training?
(Hey Daniel and Aleksandra... go find an empty room in Jordan Co-op.)
I'm pretty sure this was a joke, guys.
@KillMeNow:
We have one -- unfortunately, we also have no draft.
If only a Facebook group were like a blind beggar's cup, and you could actually reach in and take all the money out of it.
@LolCait: Haaaa. . . I would laugh if you didn't work for Gawker.
@Sargasm: Sorry, I thought you might be old like me and remember when pearls actually cost money.
@notoriousbhc: The Canadian History stacks in Widener always work well. And fewer vegan farts than in the Co-Ops.
@TheHonJudgeSmails: Yeah. She got the deal, big time. Somehow genius here found the only ugly AND poor chick at Harvard.
@City_Dater: And as a result, all the wrong people are getting hurt.
@cyanidecygnet: If so, I take mine back.
Check's in the mail. Or check your paypal account.
Yea, right.