Gawker
Blue States Lose because while their residents are running around in eyeliner and panties on the outside of their pants and SPARKLY HATS, the red state people are building houses and making industry and going to block meetings and wars! WE SUCK. Here's some pictures from the suckitude, collected from Cobrasnake and Last Night's Party and Nicky Digital by Alex Blagg!
10.The Cobrasnake. Outback Steakbus photo #8759: Steve Aoki? More like Steve Ao-wacky! Am I right?
9.Last Night's Party. Los Moscow photo #7139: According to her MySpace profile, her interests include sparkly hats, rapper jewelry and loneliness.
8. Last Night's Party. Los Moscow photo #7177: I don't know, I guess I feel like her "giant flaming skull with eagle wings" chest tattoo just doesn't really go with that Victoria's Secret Valentine's Day bra with hearts all over it.
7. The Cobrasnake. Mobile Disco photo #9475: This photograph makes me want to high-five whoever invented abortions.
6. Last Night's Party. The Hills photo #5687: If you've ever wanted to do it with a saucy hipster college chick in leather pants on top of some Puerto Rican's Toyota Corolla, you're really going to enjoy this picture.
5. Nicky Digital. Partying All Night Long video: Do you like "partying"? Do you also enjoy hotel rooms? Then perhaps you will want to watch this video of some random people "partying" in a hotel room.
4. Last Night's Party. The Hills photo #8064: Dear guy on the left-hand side of this picture - your hat is amazing. The multitude of colors and skulls and words written in DJ-fonts emblazoned upon this mesh headpiece favored by transportation industry professionals tells me that you're a man with a superior sense of sophistication and style. It's really no wonder you get to hang out with such awesome people.
3. The Cobrasnake. Bandits On The Run photo #9814: There should be a Saturday morning cartoon about these two called "Dweezle and Big Red", where they live together and get into crazy adventures trying to pull things over on Winston the Wackymart manager, and hijinx ensue.
2. Last Night's Party. The Hills photo #8642: Listen, weird mystical scenester guy: I enjoyed those 'Pirates of the Caribbean' movies too. Johnny Depp's whole "Mick Jagger-as-pirate" shtick is pretty awesome, but that doesn't mean we should all run out and start dressing ourselves up like Johnny Depp. He can get away with the whole "Parisian bohemian poet from the 30's" thing because he's Johnny Depp, but when you do it, everyone just rolls their eyes and thinks you're an asshole.
1. Last Night's Party. Los Moscow photo #7179: Man, I wish you guys would start a shitty indie rock/punkclash/danceska band with a retarded name like "Sausage Chins" and make god-awful music about thrift store shopping and shit. Oh, you already did? I never would have guessed that.
Previously: "Here's Some Junkie Rubbing A Popsicle All Over Her Face While Purple Drool Drips Down Onto Her Shirt"
Comments
#6 - DO WANT.
#3 - the thing in the blue shirt better be a girl or get some propecia for alopecia his face.
#3 - If you were to remove the glasses from Ronald McRetard on the far left and place them on the face of the oily-faced minor being corrupted on the far right, you would have the little kid from the movie A Christmas Story.
Is it just me, or does the middle guy in #1 look like he could be Corey Feldman's younger brother?
#6: SLIIIIIIDE. K-K-thunk.
@MercuryPDX: Yes yes yes.
@TheHonJudgeSmails: You THINK you want that. But when my good friend Hector taps you on the shoulder and asks you why you are literally all up in his grill, and you open your eyes, and she's not there--
Bummer.
@TheHonJudgeSmails:
See, and I was thinking if you took his glasses and put them on the guy in the middle, you would have Lodwick.
#8: How'd you lose all that weight, Boy George?
Thanks for the clarification in the beginning Alex. I didn't want to say anything, but I was always a little confused by the title of this feature. I always thought that "Red States Lose" would make more sense since it seems like these bedazzled assholes are taking over.
#9 - Pregnancy is not treating Christina Aguilera well.
#5 I have long thought that anyone who uses the word "party" as a verb is fair game for whatever kind of cruel torture mankind can mete out. It was, is and forever will be one of the clearest indicators that who ever said it is, for lack of a better word, a douche.
@karion: Touche.
@Cesare_the_Somnambulist: I got my cock caught in the fanbelt.
#8 - Greatest Wolf Parade tribute tat ever
#2 - If that's the guy I think it is - he works as a lab technician at NYU - he's been rocking that look since '02 - waayyy before POTC came out.
the previous title for last weeks edition is still aces.
Its a Honda Accord in #6. Oh and a little bit of my soul dies every friday when I look at these.
@TheHonJudgeSmails: Yeah - the scenario didn't sound that appealing, but she really sells it. Not sure if she could sell the bathroom floor bit, though. It matters not -Excellent work, young lady!
10. Choire duz not wont
9. Christina Aguilera @ 40
8. Girl George
7. looks like Mini Me is trying to make an awkward appearance
6. Tawny Kitaen you ain't
4. Ghost Hunters would like to investigate the disembodied head in the middle
3. I'm rethinking my stance on red heads
2. Johnny Don't
1. Gunz n Poses
@TheHonJudgeSmails: Total Tawny Kitaen action there.
@BalknChain: Crap! See, didn't read the other comments first...
@BalknChain: damn... i was just about to say something about tawny and #6. beat to the punch!
#8: Looks like Winona's been shoplifting again.
#6: @BalknChain: Damn you!
@TheHonJudgeSmails:
DO want to share, too?
@Ogiri W Surie: beat me, lol!@Smitros: you beat me there, ha!
I've been told to go to hell by at least 3 commenters today. I don't know if I'm flattered or I should..well, go..?..*sigh*
#1 Axel Rose is aging well.
#3 - That kid in the blue shirt looks like he still believes in Santa.
@elijahpollack: Hiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee! It's Friday! Look at all the peeps condemning me to hell..lol!
@mcginstein: gret myndz
#7 -- wow, the Special Olympics sure throws some rocking after-event parties!
@BalknChain:
Gret myndz duz thinks like.
This is part of my campaign to move up from a tenth-tier to a ninth-tier commenter.
#3 makes me laugh so hard that focusing on something rude to say about that trio is impossible. They beat the system, damn it, they beat the fucking system!
God I love this feature. It makes getting old ok.
@BalknChain: Who is condemning you to hell?
#3 The last 3 virgins in New York.
@elijahpollack: It's a joke, some other commenters over the Tawny thing. A whole bunch of us were on the same wavelength-funny stuff!
#3 This is all Judd Apatow's fault.
#7. "This photograph makes me want to high-five whoever invented abortions."
That photo made me want to get a preventative abortion. Or at least take post- date-rape morning-after pill.
#4: rocco?
#5: up with people.
being young, fashionable and happy is totally lame! you guys are totally lame you stupid youngsters!
#3: I am OFFICIALLY embarassed to be a redhead.
#2:The Family(Prince's JV/second string Revolution) 1985.
#2 = funny
kudos to your writer for keeping on with BSL: I really miss MisShapes & its hard to muster energy each week to look-in here but thanks for keeping the party rolling -
#1: Is that Corey Feldman?
@BalknChain: oh my god, i love ghost hunters. if i was a gay man, jason hawes would be my bear. but i'm a girl...and BLS is my dating pool....i wish i was a gay man....
#1 - There's absolutely nothing funny about AIDS. But there's something absolutely funny about AIDSface.
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