Gawker
Things Unspoken is a memoir by Oprah's father, Vernon Winfrey. It's out on submission to agents right now—and we'd guess that no one will end up representing him unless they are so so SO SO crazy and never ever want to work again. In the proposal, we learn that Winfrey had some seriously old-timey views on childrearing!
The damage was our fault, her mother's and mine. For years we had shuttled our daughter between my home in Nashville and her mother's home in Milwaukee. That was a mistake. King Solomon taught long ago that you couldn't divide a child. Too much flux. Too much back and forth. Too many states between Tennessee and Wisconsin. Children need roots and limits and discipline. (And I don't mean time in time out. I mean the rod of correction, swung hard and often.)Seriously. It is TOO MUCH.For the five years prior to that encounter at the kitchen table, my daughter had lived in Milwaukee. Her mother did the best she could do, I suppose, but she lost control. Our daughter was out of hand, an unruly child. Vernita said everything about her had changed. Said she didn't mind her elders, said she stayed out all times of night and lied regarding her whereabouts, said she made herself known to boys. But it was worse than I realized. She had secrets. Dark secrets. Some I didn't discover till she was a grown woman, till it was too late.
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Nice knowing you, Gawker.
to "make [oneself] known to boys" is my new fav euphemiz
I'm partial to the "rod of correction" myself. But in a different way.
Vernita! Hey, there's a name you don't hear very often. Seriously, you don't.
Dad was Vernon and yes ,King Solomon spoke of flux.
So if he'd been more of a terrible father she'd be what, a gazillionaire instead of a millionaire? Now there's parenting logic.
Alex, I'll take "Never Gonna Be an Oprah Book Club Selection" for $100.
Can't you just hear Samual Jackson delivering this monologue at the beginning of the movie that Vernon Winfrey sold the rights to for $500 and a new crack pipe.
I nominate "She Made Herself Known to Boys" and/or "Rod of Correction (Swung Hard and Often)" as Gawker's next line of t-shirts.
i'm sure the "Oy! Pioneer" woman will help him publish it.
'cause she's batshit.
makes alec sounds like dad of the year.
Wait, Oprah has parents? I thought she just appeared on Lake Michigan one day, borne on a giant clam shell.
What dark secrets? Is he wishing he had beat the lesbian out of her?
Also, some genius should purchase Mr. Winfrey's book and this guy's and put a masterpiece together.
I think what he's actually remembering is the time he saw his daughter in The Color Purple.
Still, publishing this book would be an ideal task for the already-unemployable Judith Regan.
Is he reading from the color purple? Doesn't he know Oprah could shoot him dead in Macy's window and walk clean away?
She still doesn't mind her elders. Did you see how she treated those gals at her legends dinner? Seating Tina Turner with that weirdo Diana Ross?
Wait. What happened at the kitchen table?
GorgeousGeorge: only after they've finished the "Part of Recovery is Relapse" t-shirt.
@laurosaur & @ GorgeousGeorge: Ditto!
I am planning to make myself known to boys this very evening. After I first make myself known to Johnnie Walker.
"rod of correction"
um....
Parents named Vern and Vernita? Like looking in a mirror, O, like looking in a mirror.
But you have to admit he has a point, there is at least one state too many between Tennessee and Wisconson (Kentucky, I'm looking at you), and probably two (Illinoisian please!) unless you also count Wisconsin and Tennessee, in which case, all of them.
@Mabissa:
Diana's daughter is a smoking hot piece of ass. Her butt is just jiggly enough.
As Socrates said, "Know thyself." Vigorously and often, when you don't have a date.
Why the hell didn't they name her LaVern?
I wonder what the dark secrets are? Perhaps a fatal love of capitalism and lesbo sex?
@teenage witch:
You beat me to it (but not, thankfully, with the "rod of correction").
Eewwwww!!!
Resistance is futile. I personally promise to run that "rod of correction" line into the ground. It's just too good.
Gee, I can't imagine why a young girl who was raped repeatedly for four years by a family member would act promiscuous and not listen to her parents. I can't figure that one out for the life of me.
I think the "secret" is that she got pregnant at 14 and the baby died shortly after birth (or it might have been a miscarriage, I am not sure). But it's not really a secret anymore; Oprah admitted to it after a family member sold her story to the National Enquirer.
@KarenUhOh:
it would have become "LvAern" on her birth certificate, just like "Orpah" became "Oprah"
That's it. Momo has a new nickname.
It's weird to think about Oprah having parents.
The Black Crusaders are gonna get you, Gawker. Time to start a new life in one of the Dakotas or Canada.
If only little Oprah had roots and limits and discipline, maybe she'd have grown up to be a billionaire media mogul.
Oh, wait...
I am kind of dying to get my petite mitts on the memoir of Vernon Winfrey, father of O, called Things Unspoken, and it probably will kill me. Please don't tell Oprah. Besides, I'm trying to land her for a 7 Minutes in Heaven with Bazima interview.
@broad: Momo has to get himself downsized first.
Spare the rod, spoil the child
Oprah's biggest secret? She created Kelly Preston from eyedrops, pipe cleaners, and Gayle King's saliva.
Dina McGreevy: "Jim McGreevy is,..a liar and,...delusional."
Oprah: "He says you're delusional."
o-kay.
Vernon: You want answers?
Gawker: I think we're entitled to them.
Vernon: You want answers?
Gawker: I want the truth!
Vernon: You can't handle de troof! Sonofabitch, we live in a world that haz wallz. And doze walls hafta be guarded by menz wiff guns. Who gonna do dat? You? Higgity-piggity, rat-a-tat-tat, nah-nah-nah...
why did I always think momo was a girl?
Is the book called To Sleep With Kenneth Eng-er?
@SayHeyJay:
Have you ever heard him speak? Why do you assume that he sounds like a stereotypical black person? If anything, he sounds like an overly formal person, like, say, Delbert Grady-The Shining-crazy formal:
@Seeräuber Jenny: I totally hear Billy Bob Thornton wheezin' 'bout his "Bible lessons" when I read that Father's Day card.
@Seeräuber Jenny: Why do you assume that he sounds like a stereotypical black person?
Nothing of the sort. I think he sounds like a dumbass.
Emily -- with all respect, I beg to disagree. It's not "TOO MUCH" at all -- it isn't nearly enough. I have (or used to have, anyway) little but admiration for Oprah, who pulled herself up by her own bootstraps as they say (cough, cough!) and became The Most Important Woman in the World. Gotta take off your hat to that (I wish I still wore hats). Still, I think that anyone who publishes a magazine monthly at her own expense and puts a new, "slimmed-downed" picture of herself on every cover has a little ... um ... ego problem. And I think I know what Mr. Vernon Winfrey is getting at when he talks about "dark secrets." The truth is they ain't so dark, and they ain't so secret, either. I, after all -- yes, myself! -- have met Steadman in some rather dark places -- I KNOW from "dark!" pk
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