• By pursuing a libel case agains the National Enquirer in UK courts, Britney Spears wins over the tab's claim that she and Kevin Federline are splitting. The British and Irish editions will print a rare apology, which is all fine and good — but why the hell hasn't she sued Bazaar over that frightening cover shoot? [R&M (last item)]
• Aspiring pop singer and experienced Lolita Diana Bianchi can't carry a tune. God thing she still has a future serving as some sort of twat. [Lowdown]
• Justin Timberlake tries to convince the world he's not a pussy by proclaiming that he's "done way too many drugs." [Spin]
• Film critic Joel Siegel walks out of a screening of Clerks II, deeming it smut. The scene that set him off involved a discussion of a woman performing sexual acts on a donkey, which obviously brings up a lot of painful memories for Siegel. [Page Six]
• E! censors Voice gossip Michael Musto when he appears on The Simple Life to interview Paris Hilton. The offending phrase: "Are you a fag hag?" Apparently network execs didn't want anyone to even raise the issue of Hilton's hagginess. [Page Six]
• John Cusack scores a restraining order against his stalker who, we'll have you know, does not appear to have used the Stalker Map to harm Lloyd Dobler. [Reuters]

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