Molly Ivins
The Legislature provides us with an array of verbal treasures. During a debate on a bill to stop out-of-wedlock children from getting welfare, Bob Eckhardt said, "It is not so much the natural bastards I worry about as the self-made ones." Craig Washington, filibustering one of those idiot flag-burning amendments, said, "I prefer those who would burn the flag and keep the Constitution to those who would tear up the Constitution and keep the flag." After yet another unsuccessful effort to modify the Texas sodomy law, the authors of a successful amendment were slapping backs and high-fiving. A voice from the press box said, "Sergeant, you must go over and reprimand both those men. Because under the amendments just passed by them, it is now illegal for a prick to touch an asshole in this state." The annual Waring Blender Award for Mixed Metaphor is always appreciated, as in: "If you throw the baby out with the bathwater, it will let the head of the camel into the tent." Then there was the special time we were having Disability Day to honor the handicapped, and Speaker Gib Lewis said to those in the wheelchairs wedged up into the balcony, "And now, would y'all stand and be recognized?"
That's from
Molly Ivins, who has passed away after a battle with cancer at the age of 62. Ivins was always a heroine of ours: she proved - if it needed proving - that a woman could be just as funny (if not funnier) than a man, that a Texas liberal could be just as tough (if not tougher) than a Texas conservative, and that a journalist could achieve a large modicum of fame and still remain committed to the small papers for which she started writing. There'll be a lot of talk in the next few days about her legacy as a liberal and her legacy as a woman, all of it deserved; we want to focus on her legacy as a writer. Sure, she got a little strident toward the end, but when she was in her prime (we have owned
three copies of
Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? because we've thumbed through the first two so frequently that they've fallen apart) there was
no one better. Whatever your political perspective, Ivins' writing was so distinctive that you couldn't help be charmed (much in the way liberals cannot deny the genius of Mencken, we know more than a few conservatives who disagreed with her politics but were unable to resist her prose). She is a voice that will truly be missed. Rest in peace, Molly.
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Remainders
She may be pretty, but Jessica Joffe is too boring for even Socialite Rank. [Socialite Rank]
Neal Pollack dives headfirst into the pooey debate over his hip-parenting tome Alternadad, and shakes a great big rattle at his detractors. [Babble]
Yale students need to be reminded that showers are for showering, not for making sweet love while your dormmates wait outside in their towels and flip-flops. [IvyGate]
Why Britney and Reese Witherspoon should become BFFs. [GoFugYourself]
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Eliot Spitzer
The Daily Politics posts a "a mass e-mail [from Governor Spitzer] to his campaign supporters on budget day, under the subject line "Our dialogue," summarizing his accomplishments on Day One through Day 31." What's fascinating about the missive is how much of it really sings with Spitzer's voice; clearly, this wasn't the work of some staffer. As we learned this morning, this is not a man who's shy about
implementing his agenda:
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Britney Spears
Lately, we'd found ourselves wondering whether broke-down songbird
Britney Spears likes to drink alcohol. Luckily,
Grub Street's reliably awesome Ask A Server column has finally answered that burning question, via their interview with Dirty Delta, a waitress at famed E. Vil drag queen restaurant Lucky Cheng's.
She brought all her dancers here, took her shoes off, looked like white trash — which I love her for. We have orgy bowls here that come on fire — it's a drink meant for five people. She drank three of them by herself, and she would not share with anybody. The dancers were at the bar. They say, "Don't get Britney one more drink." I go, "Baby I cannot cut Britney off unless she's passed out on the floor." And they go, "She wants tequila shots! Make a fake tequila shot. We have rehearsal at 9 a.m. in Jersey for a 60,000-seat arena." The next day she made it to the concert, but she busted her leg. And who's fault was it? Dirty Delta's, baby! Three orgy bowls and one tequila shot — the other five were fake, but ... It's your own fault, boo!
Oh, come on! Who among us hasn't checked off the "a drag queen had to serve me fake tequila shots" box on the "Do I have a problem?" questionnaire?
Dirty Delta of Lucky Cheng's Serves Orgy Bowls to Britney Spears [Grub Street]
Looking At The Look Book
We have to admit, we don't automatically abhor Bess Abraham. Sorry! Look, we jumped to conclusions when we read that she was a jewelry designer, which is usually code for "my husband makes the money" (see also: preschool teacher, useless shit boutique-owner). But it turns out that Bess's husband is
also a jewelry designer, which makes her sort of cool. And we'd mock her for indulging herself in the fantasy that a sushi bar is her daughter's "favorite restaurant," but we feel kind of done with that theme for the day.
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Courtney Love
In Court's own, uh, we guess we'll call them "words":
i woul dnever ever do that, ive never watche dthat show except once with my daughter i went to the final night, I couldnt even get ON that show nor would i wantt o and no offense to anyone who has been on that show and wantsto be on that show- i have no interest at this point in my life, im interested in putting this record out- doing films and doiung rock shows this summer and being on the road, and thats what i shall do. US misrepresented and misquoted me and nothing i said was ever meant for any publication. I didnt kn ow it wa sgoing to be a big deal but then again ive been very busy and id ont exactly pay attention to pop culture and id ont read tabloids and idont have a google alert i find lofe fAr easier without those things
Amen, sister. If only we could say the same.
Comments [Moonwashedrose via
Tabloid Whore]
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Portfolio
After months of
poaching from practically every magazine and newspaper imaginable, it looks like at least one hire has left
Portfolio. A tipster reports that Laurie P. Cohen, "one of Portfolio's big hires," is leaving to return to the
Wall Street Journal—just a couple months before the magazine's long-awaited launch. Cohen had been an investigative reporter in the
Journal's New York office; no word on what position she'll be returning to. Perhaps the cafeteria at 4 Times Square wasn't up to her standards.
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Team Party Crash
Contrary to popular belief, sometimes we actually turn up to parties unannounced. Last night was such an occasion: Editorial Assistant
Heather and her trusty sidekick
Kate got wind of the DVD release party for
Farce of the Penguins,
Bob Saget's star-studded parody of
March of the Penguins. Acting as if they belonged, our girls marched straight past the clipboard-wielding meanies to the open bar where they managed to mingle with the likes of
Tracy Morgan,
Lewis Black,
Gilbert Gottfried, Neel Shah (seriously, does that guy ever go away?) and Mr. Danny Tanner himself. Take a look through our gallery of goodness here (NSFW if you're a penguin, or a zoologist, though), and for an extra uh, treat, check out the viral videos of fake penguin porn
here.
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vice magazine
We love it when cooler-than-thou magazines get caught in
unpleasant situations involving their advertisers. It's especially awkward when your magazine is practically predicated upon making fun of everyone and everything—like, say,
Vice, which refused to run an ad for the Philadelphia hip-hop group Plastic Little's debut album because it mocked one of
Vice's advertisers, Triple5Soul.
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columbia university
If you were out and about on Monday night, perhaps the guy asking for money on the corner looked a little ... different than he usually did. But what was it, exactly? The face that was scrubbed a little too clean? The pristine
white Converse?
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Books
Pop Quiz: which of these book deals
is not a real deal announced recently on
Publishers Marketplace?
Fiction: Thriller
Rayo Casablaca's 6 SICK HIPSTERS, about six friends who try to take down a serial killer after realizing he is systematically taking out Williamsburg, Brooklyn's most famous underground hipsters, to John Scognamiglio at Kensington, by Jessica Regel at the Jean V. Naggar Literary Agency.
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N+1
We have to hand it to the (mostly) boys over at
n+1: They're possessed of a self-assuredness the likes of which is all too rare in this self-deprecating age. Indeed, upon reading their press release for their forthcoming issue, we are incredibly grateful that they have granted us the privilege of reading their magazine. In fact, they must know how excited we are for the magazine, because they've invited us, the press, to help them unload the truck of magazines that will be arriving at their office tomorrow evening! We must admit to being flattered, and honored, at being allowed to touch the magazines as they descend from the truck, to be the first to caress the cover of issue 5 (theme: "Decivilizing Process") and perhaps even thumb through its pages. We've reprinted the entire press release after the jump, should you care to share in this touching ritual.
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To Do
Alex Kapranos wants to be the next Mario Batali, except with a slightly plumper roasted fingerling. [Flavorpill]
Sex. Drugs. Clubs. Doing drugs while having sex in a club. Clearly, Secrets of the Model Dorm goes where no tell-all has gone before. [NYMag]
Meet Jimmy Wales, a humble man who founded Wikipedia, edited his profile 18 times in the past year, and proclaimed himself Chairman Emeritus of the Wikimedia Foundation. [Upcoming]
Time
This month's massive cull at
Time Inc. doesn't mean all the departures are done. "Volunteers" are still deciding to take the package and hit the road. Who's leaving?
Time's Assistant Managing Editor, Lisa Beyer, for one:
Subject: farewell
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Park Slope
Really, it's so hard to find good help these days! Delivery men who
shit in your hallways are only the half of it. An imploring email went out recently on a
Park Slope parents' listserve from a father who has just had it up to
here with his nanny's incompetent ways—she's now "lost" two toy strollers that belonged to his son. (Somebody's been listening to a lot of "William Wants a Doll," apparently.) Not only did they cost a whole $10 each, but this poor dad actually had to bring the stroller
all the way back to Park Slope from the Union Square Toys R' Us ...
on the weekend! Oh, the horror. After the jump, the email in its gloriously horrifying entirety.
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eric schaeffer
Daily, we check to see how many people have read our blog. Whether it's growing, ebbing, flowing... It consistently grows a little every week in its readership, which is great. The other day the number suddenly spiked, like, a bazillion percent. Like many thousands of people above the usual number. We imed the tech people at Gawker Media who run the site and asked if maybe the counter was broken. They informed us that no, it was working fine and that maybe we had been posting lately about something that had gotten people really riled up. We weren't really sure what they meant. We turn on the computer; write a few posts about Radar and how Cindy Adams is senile, check our RSS feeds, answer our hatemail, and we're done. You know, the minimal.
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stalk of the town
The time: 12 a.m.
The date: January 26th
The place: The Spotted Pig, 314 W. 11th St.
Sighted: "Who knew Ross could get so much ass? He was absolutely SURROUNDED by women upstairs at Spotted Pig last night. Wearing a too-tight black Uniqlo sweater, but otherwise looking pretty normal."
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Media
We're hearing that
Tom Foster, editor of
Men's Journal, has resigned, citing irreconcilable differences with
Jann Wenner. He'll be out of the office by 1 p.m. today. A tipster speculates:
It's most likely a forced resignation, as Foster was dismissed at Men's Health from his the number seven slot (about nine months into it) shortly before being giving the top job at Men's Journal. Rumor says Jim Kaminsky, former editor at Playboy, will take over Foster's role at least until Jann has another change of heart. Again.
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Gossip Roundup
Paula Abdul isn't doing such a great job as American Idol judge. She slurs her words on national TV and has even admitted to a dependence on painkillers. And let's face it: she's never been known for her singing skills, so what gives her the right to judge others? Yeah, she definitely needs to be replaced. BY COURTNEY LOVE. [Us Weekly]
Miss USA admits to Matt Lauer that yes, she inhaled. [Page Six]
Better a firecrotch than a smallwienercrotch, Brandon Davis. [Gatecrasher]
K-Fed holds out for more go-away money from Britney. [Scoop]
Tyra Banks continues to tell us all about how not fat she is. [Hollywood Tuna]
Radar
Eat the Press gets a valuable
Radar exclusive: The cover of the new mag (coming February 13th) and an excerpt from
Maer Roshan's editor's letter. Maer reflects on the perceived folly of re-entering a market that is generally assumed to be dying - a market in which he has failed twice previously - and offers a passionate defense of what seems to be an incredibly quixotic venture, considering the earlier editions of
Radar, both of which, you might remember, folded. Maer's thoughts follow:
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gawker underminer
Live from the pages of The Underminer: The Best Friend Who Casually Destroys Your Life, we invited everyone's favorite frenemy to chime in from time to time on various hot topics. That's right, The Underminer has a Gawker column now. But keep trying! You'll get one someday! You trouper!For $40 a session, pint-size cooks can learn to make dim sum, sopas and baba ghanouj. On a recent weekend, Alyssa Volland, the instructor and the wife of Alex Volland, the restaurant's owner and chef, chose pizza for the day's lesson. But this wasn't a typical child-friendly pizza — frozen, on a bagel or dripping with pepperoni. Instead, Hanna Mandel, 5, set to mixing yeast pebbles, sea salt and extra virgin olive oil into an artisanal dough, which she topped with mozzarella and a nutty, slightly stinky Gruy
re before choosing a vegetable topping. As she kneaded, she talked about her No. 1 food, sushi, declaring, "Seaweed is my favorite part."
Alyse Mandel, her mother, glanced over with the pride usually reserved for straight-A report cards, and said, 'She'll try anything.'
Atticus! Atticus, sweetie, no. Put down that Encyclopedia on Wine. It's not yours.Oh! Hello there! Well isn't this funny that you are here at Whole Foods too!
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Barack Obama
Jason Horowitz leads today's
Observer with a profile of Delaware Senator - and presidential candidate -
Joe Biden. As Biden surveys his rivals on the Democratic side, he offers up the kind of quote that a reporter only dreams of getting:
Mr. Biden is equally skeptical—albeit in a slightly more backhanded way—about Mr. Obama. "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy," he said. "I mean, that's a storybook, man."
It
is a storybook! Can you imagine living in a world where African-Americans can speak properly, exhibit intelligence, and maintain personal hygiene? It's like something out of science fiction!
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Gawker
