By Emily Gould, 10:33 AM on Thu Oct 18 2007, 13,482 views (Edit post, Set to draft, Slurp)

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"That's how she rolls. Just when you least expect it, Mariska throws you a curve. Over the years, I've come to expect nothing less from the hardest working—and needless to say, hottest—perp-buster on TV." That's from the "blog" of T.V. star Mariska Hargitay, which is written solely by people who are not Mariska Hargitay (but who may know her!). "Preorder your 'XO, M' t-shirts!" reads another "blog" post. It turns out that a lot of celebrity blogs aren't blogs at all, but just a collection of markedly amateurish press releases. But! At the other end of the spectrum, some celebrity blogs are deeply personal, like Al Roker's. He recently wrote a moving eulogy of his mom there! Its gravity is only slightly undermined by the cartoon of Al in a prop plane buzzing around the screen. So what else do famous people do with their personal webjournals? Our Intern Mary applied her analytical tools to the most recent posts on 48 of these sites and came up with some findings.

Click to enlarge.

METHODOLOGY: We started with this list of 66 blogging celebrities, added a few faves, eliminated the Huffington Post bloggers, and excluded presidential contenders, because that shit is bananas. Here's the raw data:

1. 
   
   
2. David Beckham - recent soccer game (self promo)
   
3. Zach Braff - movies and playlists
   
4. Mark Cuban - dancing
   
5. No Doubt - recent recordings (self promo)
   
6. Moby - indecipherable poetry
   
7. Meredith Vieira - getting a mammogram
   
8. Fred Durst - indecipherable rant
   
9. Barbra Streisand - Rush Limbaugh - PR release
   
10. Jeff Bridges - recent casting (honorable mention for rad site design)
    
11. John Mayer - OJ Simpson watch
    
12. Rosie O'Donnell - "feel alright" video
    
13. Margaret Cho - Rosie O'Donnell
    
14. Dave Barry - Fun pets
    
15. Jamie Oliver - pubs
    
16. William Shatner - ShatnerVision
    
17. Alyssa Milano - Upcoming gigs
    
18. Dave Navarro - The fastest Asian-American in the world
    
19. Julia Sweeney -long-winded narrative of regular events
    
20. Donald Trump - purely self promo
    
21. Tom Green - video: hiding in a suitcase
    
22. Kevin Smith - long-winded narrative of regular events
    
23. Mariska Hargitay - purely self promo
    
24. David Byrne - sexual selection and creativity
    
25. Curt Schilling - purely self promo
    
26. Anna Kournikova - purely self promo
    
27. Roseanne - Karen Finley (awesome)
    
28. Kanye West - the "illest" shoe award
    
29. Billy Morrison - the Bahamas
    
30. Jason Mraz - whining about jetlag
    
31. Kathy Griffin - Catholic Chuch
    
32. MC Hammer - "Look University"
    
33. Pamela Anderson - purely self promo
    
34. Al Roker - eulogy to mother
    
35. Brian Williams - purely self promo (N.B.: Usually not self promo, actually quite good, we just caught him on an off moment)
    
36. The Dixie Chicks - purely self promo
    
37. Anderson Cooper - the GOP (written by minion)
    
38. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen - purely self promo
    
39. Victoria Beckham - purely self promo
    
40. Bare Naked Ladies - photo of a ship
    
41. Deepak Chopra - genetics
    
42. Michael Moore - purely self promo
    
43. Tommy Lasorda - baseball
    
44. David Duchovny - purely self promo
    
45. Jackie Chan - purely self promo
    
46. Kirstie Alley - weight loss
    
47. Neil Gaiman - writing
    
48. Ru Paul - "THIS SHIT IS BANANAS!" (bonus points: old school blogger!)
    
49. Mark Hoppus - purely self promo