• After having unprotected sex with a green beret and trolling the web for the finest young men available, Clay Aiken is now looking for some female company. If only Penelope Cruz were available. [Page Six]
• Director Kevin Smith will not be casting Reese Witherspoon or Nicole Richie in any forthcoming films, as he feels the former is a cunt and the latter is a slut. Since when did that prevent an actress from getting a role? [Lowdown]
• Former Sony Music chairman Tommy Mottola angers his well-heeled neighbors in Westchester County by building a big, ugly house. As if Captain Greasypants would build a tasteful colonial. [R&M]
• The best lede we'll read all week: "Gloria Estefan says Fidel Castro poops his pants." [Gatecrasher]
• We were somehow overlooked this year, but the ballots for Vanity Fair's international best-dressed list include Amy Sacco, Anna Anisimova, Brian Williams, and maybe a few dead folk. [Page Six]
• Dear Sharon Stone: Please shut the fuck up already. [Liz Smith]

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