i love the video of the toilet.

Tucker Carlson likes group.

"I'm the least anti-gay right winger you'll ever meet."

...in a men's room stall?

I once saw Tucker Carlson in a public restroom bent over himself, curled up into a little quivering, moaning ball. Occasionally his head would pop up and he'd say "Stop blowing yourself! Stop blowing yourself!"

Also, where is his bow tie? Was it too geigh for these proceedings?

To answer your question, maybe/probably, although it doesn't sound like anyone's disposed to press charges.

What he has done, if this happened fairly recently, is confess to assault and battery, for which he could be sued civilly. And god damn it I'd take his little bowtied ass and pound it into the urinal of the American Judicial System.

If there is a God, he'll go to jail and quickly find himself both the slamee and the slammed.

"I didn't beat him to death with a tire iron and leave him tied to a tree stump" = "least anti-gay right winger there is"

& furthermore, as someone who hasn't taken a crap in ten years, what the hell was this twirp doing in a bathroom stall himself?

Dear Tucker,

Just a quick note to remind you about a) Dancing with the Stars and b) your bowtie collection.

Sincerely,

Your Repressed Homosexuality

Poor guy, getting his head banged against the stall. Sometimes it's hard to tell which right-wing nut-job dandies want the blow jobblez.

@KarenUhOh: Encrapment.

@nonce: Ha!

So for straight guys, the men's washroom is pretty much the equivalent of the entire fucking world. Does this mean we get to curb guys who wolf whistle and grope?

The preppie gay bashers always hang around the parking lot to pick up the queens they just beat up.

Just sayin'.

(the equivalent for women, I mean)

Tucker Carlson couldn't deflect the attentions of one bathroom admirer himself? Are we talking about a Gay version of Mothra or something?

How long did Tucker have to wait to get hit on?

Does he still have "Commode Cheeks" from the long wait?

@nonce: I second mathnet's "Ha!"

was tucker wearing the bowtie when this happened? cos, you know, as they say, he was "probably asking for it."

Wait, this guy still has a career? Didn't he get "off" politics? Was demoted to a game show about recognizing lint that looks like crossword puzzles?

@paulrevere: No, because T.C. is a Mothrafucker.

Oh, who is she trying to kid?

For someone who's that defensive about his sexuality, it's strange that he still likes people to call him Tucker.

What he really means to say is that he brought back "someone he knew" carnally. Because he and Mike are really trying that monogamy thing right now and they don't need some bathroom hustler to upset the delicate balance.

Yeah, I wonder how hard Tucker would laugh if the next uninterested woman HE hit on felt justified to knee him in the balls.

I'll knee him in the balls without him even having to hit on me first. Free of charge. Just so he can assess.

"So this guy I met in the bathroom told me he liked my outfit and I was all, 'Thanks, you don't think my ass looks fat in these pedal pushers?' And he was like, 'No I'd tap that in a second.' So then I go, 'Yeah? Thanks! That's so sweet of you to say!' Then he asked for my number saying maybe we could hang out sometime and that's when I got my buddies and kicked his ass. Fucking queers."

Tuck ever bashing.

I love that he's proud that he had to GET HIS FRIEND to help him beat up ONE UNARMED GUY. Good job, Tuck. Not only are you a dick, you're also a pussy.

These guys are dicks. That is all.

He looks exactly like my first roommate in college who tried to get me to beat off with him (on multiple occasions) - but it wasn't gay because we were in our own beds, of course.

Oh, and he was a Republican.

The toilet video should air every time Tucker speaks.

If by "someone he knew" he meant a half gallon bottle of cherry flavored lube, and by "hit him against the stall with his head" he means play with his sphincter while jiggling his balls, and by "admitting it on the air" he means "come over to my apartment at 8 and do it again" then no, I wouldn't press charges either.

@Tom Foolery: Ew.

@pinch_vintage: Yes, he meant he "hit him against the stall"... with his cock.

@KarenUhOh: Me too. Although, since he had reason to believe the guy was gay, could it also be stretched to a hate crime? Please? So that he'll be punished more? And have to eat his bowties into eternity?

Wait, he "went back with a friend"? What a wimp!

Tucker stopped wearing the bow tie almost immediately after Jon Stewart made fun of him (on Crossfire) for doing so. Clearly he has a man crush...

I think he meant "sword-fighting ensued, and this caused him to hit a stall with his head..."

In fairness, I was just trying to see if his bow tie was really a camera.

Sick. What an asshole. He should be fired. I suppose Matthew Sheppard was funny too?

Tucker just wants everyone to remember the last time his journalistic ethics were questioned.
Oh wait- probably not.

@LolCait: Only when he is wearing a gabardine suit.

@LolCait: Brilliant. Even more so than usual, and that's saying a lot.

It's as if there's a direct correlation between the amount of chest-thumping these gay haters do, and their own secret queerness. And, FWIW, I'm a registered Republican, and kind of a right-wing nutjob on my own. Also straight. I just don't hate other people for living their lives in a way that makes them happy.

If he did this, and it is beyond despicable if he did, why in the hell would he say so on national TV? What a dumbshit.

Who knew that D.C. was such a hotbed of down low

Wow. Ladies Rooms are boring. Once in a while, someone asks to borrow a tampon. (They don't really mean "borrow", btw.)

@katastic: One unarmed gay, even. Though I don't blame him. Those gays can be crafty, sneaking up on you with the blowjobs when you least expect it. If he has a friend there and something ends up happening, at least the two of them can sit around later and say, "Dude, you totally know that didn't mean anything, right?" "Yeah dude. We're cool. Let's go fuck some chicks."

@Carol Gardens: You're kidding! I always assumed ladies rooms were so exciting! I mean, you have a couch! And everyone brings friends, there must be a party!!1!!!?

Isn't it obvious? The "gay guy" wasn't hitting on Carlson - he was comparing the size of his bow tie to the size of his eensy, weensy babydick.

Someone let this guy reproduce? That seems like the real problem here...

It's amazing how often this editorial is a fitting comment on Republican-related shenanigans:

[www.theonion.com]

@LolCait: Seriously!

How do you do it?

Is being brilliant your job or something?

Cripes.

If we had coed bathrooms like Ally McBeal things would really kick up a few notches.

He can't take Tuck Jr. into the men's room because he's afraid that someone hanging out in there will call out to him using his secret name "Nibbles."

But to answer the question at hand, whether Carlson committed a crime:

From HRC.org:
No provision of Virginia's hate crime law recognizes violence against individuals because of their sexual orientation. Race, religion, conviction, color and national origin are the categories explicitly recognized under Virginia's hate crimes law. Va. Code Ann. § 18.2-57 (2002).

So while there was not a "hate crime" per se, it does seem that Carlson has confessed to assault with intent to do bodily harm.

Whatever happened to using the bathroom for its intended purpose of TAKING A CRAP?

@Elektra:
Yes, I agree. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

My Toto Washlet® hit on me.

you know what else pisses me off? how tucker is so proud that he's the 'least anti-gay right-winger you'll ever meet.'

so what you're saying, tuck, is that you're still a LITTLE bit anti-gay? just not as much as those other right-wingers. still hate them tho, right?

The "gay dude" in the bathroom was totally Ann Coulter, that tranny.

tucker carlson, not-gay, obvs

While I agree that it's a bit wimpy to "get someone", I must defend Tucker here and say that said weirdo got what was coming to him. Sorry, but anyone who tries to molest someone in a bathroom and who clearly isn't asking for it deserves to be pounded against the wall.

People who hang out in bathrooms (or any public area) for the purpose of "getting some" are sexual deviants and should be exposed/arrested/detained before something worse happens. This isn't a gay/straight issue or a "hate crime". These people are fucking creeps.

Let's not compare to Matthew Shepard. PLEASE.

P.S. Tucker hasn't worn the bow-tie in a long time, people.

What we need in America is more men like Tucker Carlson taking doodies near more men like Larry Craig.

tucker carlson is in yer bathrms, beating ur gayz

I haven't heard this much about seedy bathroom sex since I lived near that rest stop on I-81 in Virginia. Some of those truckers have some damn fine acoomodations in the back of their cabs, let me tell you.