Miserly 'Sunset Tan' Mom Only Cares Enough To Spend $1300 On Daughter's School Photo Prep

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L.A.'s Coke Bars: Where Everybody Knows Your Name (For Two Minutes In A Bathroom Stall)

We hardly need to tell you where to obtain your coke: Ever since the passage of the Los Angeles Cocaine Legalization Act of 2004, Hollywood's preferred social lubricant has been readily available at every Starbucks, Ralphs, and CostCo (at deep bulk discounts) in the city. However, we recognize that sometimes you'd like a little company when blowing rails, for while cutting up a couple of lines by yourself and settling in for a night of The Jeffersons reruns has its own rewards, there's really no substitute for crowding into a bathroom stall and enjoying the unique camaraderie of communing with strangers over a shared eight-ball. For those nights when you're craving some companionship, we point you to Gridskipper's guide to the local bars where you might find a new friend with whom to shovel some snow with a tiny spoon. An excerpt: More »

Cocaine Is It

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Healthy, Glowing Lindsay Lohan Drinks Bottled Spring Water At Hollywood's Most Wholesome Clubhouse

In an item that was seemingly paid for by the Joint Council on Rehabilitating Lindsay Lohan's Image and Making the Tightest Celebrity Glory Hole in Hollywood Seem as Wholesome as a Mormon Daycare Center, Fox 411's Roger Friedman ventures deep into the darkest recesses of Hyde, the currently most-favored, velvet-roped walk-in closet of local scenesters. And what he finds there will shock you to the core: More »

Big Bust At Mood Doesn't Cuff Any Underage Celebrities

TMZ.com's web-enabled stalkerazzi have continued their crusade against the scourge of underage drinking at clubs in Hollywood Boulevard's storied Morality Corridor, capturing video of a bust at celeb-infested boozehole Mood late last night while trolling for evidence of the sub-21 celebrity set entering the bar. They did get footage of 19-year-old, famous-esque Laguna Beach personality Kristin Cavallari, as well as some of a 17-year-old (pictured at left) being led away in handcuffs for sneaking into the club with fake ID. Reports TMZ: More »

Breaking! Underage Stars Party At Hollywood Clubs!

The web-enabled stalkerazzi at TMZ.com staked out Hollywood Boulevard, and after untold man-hours spent monitoring the comings and going of clubgoers, have finally blown the lid off one of the nightlife industry's dirtiest and best-kept secrets: Underage celebrities frequent establishments where alcohol is served. In addition to a (shocking!) photo of 18-year-old Jesse McCartney clutching a Corona (likely alcohol content: 4.5 percent), the site has (jaw-dropping!) video of some of your favorite teen stars brazenly patronizing bars: More »

New Orleans Is The New Hollywood

While tax incentives have lured bottom-line-obsessed studios to far-off lands like New Orleans, the newly Hollywoodized locations are also reaping the (perhaps) unexpected consequences of the money-bringing industry invasion: local alcohol shortages induced by thirsty underage starlets, caddish foreigners making a mockery of the Seventh Commandment, and the crushing guilt of realizing that your tax breaks have made abominations like Big Momma's House 2 possible. From the LAT: More »

The Paparazzi: L.A.'s Overlooked Artists

Ever since a kamikaze shutterbug slammed his car into the Lohanmobile during a high-speed quest for some fresh pictures of the starlet's newly prominent skeleton, the paparazzi vocation has been red-hot. (That sound you hear is the sigh of a Fox executive who just realized that his studio already made a cut-rate paparazzi revenge flick last year.) On Sunday, the NY Times endeavored to better understand the "car-centered...uniquely Los Angeles art" of staking out the Ivy with a telephoto lens, which is "under siege" by reckless marauders from the Continent: More »

Lindsay Lohan Wants Your Diamonds, But Not Your Drama

After a fifty-year absence from American markets, De Beers, the world's largest diamond company, has landed its blingy whoreship in the middle of Fifth Avenue. The company's first store in the U.S. was not met without protest, however. Members of Survival International (along with Gloria Steinem) picketed the opening; the group insists that Gana and Gwi bushmen of Botswana have been evicted directly because of diamond mining. Amidst shouts of "cultural genocide," however, celebrities still came out to celebrate the arrival of new, sparkly things: More »

James Frey Reads From 'My Friend Lohan'

Christ on a crutch, we're going to have to write about Lindsay Lohan again — at least we refrained from covering her post-Today show appearance on The View. (But as long as we're on the subject, Lindsay told the Viewsters that she has strep throat. In Lindsay speak, we know this means she was actually at Marquee last night, well after three AM, with a certain Wilmer fellow. Or so we hear, ahem.) More »

Lohan's Uncle Arrested, Loves 'Herbie'

Lindsay Lohan just can't catch a break, you know? Her dad's in the slammer, her car's all banged up, her music career's been screwed, and those darn tabloids can't just accept her rapidly plummeting weight loss. Now, to make matters worse, Lohan's uncle is making nasty headlines. Paul Sullivan (brother of Lindsay's mother) has been freshly arrested in Long Island (of course) for mail fraud (what the fuck?). Allegedly, Sullivan was a bit too careless with his 9/11 relief loans, forging checks and scamming creditors. Tragic and classy; just further evidence that the Lohans are the Kennedys of our time. More »

Gossip Roundup: Jessica Simpson Could Snap Lindsay Lohan Like A Twig

· Lindsay Lohan denies entry to Jessica and Ashlee Simpson at the incredibly shrinking starlet's MTV Movie Awards after-party; Jessica responds with hearty threats of southern-style ass kicking. Meanwhile, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes continue to express their love for Scientology by licking one another for the camera. [Page Six] More »

Today In Trainwrecks: Lindsay Lohan In Car Accident

I'm not sure why, particularly at this godforsaken morning hour, I feel compelled to tell you this — but I am certain that at least four of you care, and so I will dutifully report: More »

BREAKING: Michael Lohan In Jail, Lindsay Finally Able To Relax

Via Newsday More »

Today, Our Self-Loathing Stems From Lindsay Lohan's Boobies

We don't know if it's because he's been eating crayons or just the usual Elmer's products, but our spray-tanned brother to the West has spent the better part of his morning analyzing the images at right in hopes of proving US Weekly's claim that Disney spent a gazillion dollars on digitally reducing Lindsay Lohan's R-rated breast size in the much-anticipated, family-friendly Herbie: Fully Loaded. He's thinking that, given the images at right, the case for digital alteration could be made. We're thinking that, given that we're even writing about this right now, we need to lie down for a moment. If we're lucky, we'll fall asleep and never wake up. More »

Lindsay Lohan Hides From Paparazzi, Still Can't Escape Food

Little Miss Lohan, surely on break from rehearsals for this weekend's spectacular episode of Saturday Night Live, loves to stare forlornly at the food in Dean & DeLuca. But can the coffee shop be trusted to protect Lindsay while she remembers the good ol' days, when coffee was more than just a trusted diuretic? NewYorkology says yes: More »

Gossip Roundup: Andy Dick Gets Greedy, Lohan Holds Back

· Comedian Andy Dick, who's more famous for barfing about town, reportedly got greedy with the upfront swag at the Lucky/Cargo free-for-all. Lindsay Lohan, however, behaved herself, probably because they weren't offering what she "needed." [Lowdown] More »

Deconstructing Lindsay Lohan's Lips

Oh Sweet Jesus, it's true — Lindsay Lohan has dyed her hair blonde! Quick, grab the kids and take them into the fallout shelter! More »

Gossip Roundup: Lindsay Lohan Gleams The Cube

· Today in Lohan: Is precious little Lindsay hooking up with Christian Slater, who happens to be almost twice her age? After the Bruce Willis rumors, can this get any more fucked up? [Lowdown] More »

Everyone, Go Home: Lindsay Lohan Out Sick

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Lindsay Lohan Graces West Village With Her Presence

You may think Lindsay Lohan is merely a set of breasts with a pre-fabbed album and a tabloid lifestyle, but we'd like to remind you cynics that first and foremost, Lindsay is a thespian. Behind those breasts is an actress — a very fine actress! — and now Manhattanites have a chance to witness Lohan practicing her craft. Her latest film, Just My Luck, is invading the West Village this week, and production locations include: More »

Gossip Roundup: Bruce Willis Officially A Dirty Old Man

· Our wee sense of decency wants to ignore this, but our sense of duty compells us to trumpet otherwise: BRUCE WILLIS AND LINDSAY LOHAN GROPE EACH OTHER! In case you were wondering, Willis is just shy of 50 and Lohan is 18, which means he's technically old enough to be her father. Twice. [Page Six] More »

Even Fitty and The Game Put Aside Their Differences

Ladies, please. There's more than enough skeezy, B-level star to go 'round. More »

Gossip Roundup: Michael Lohan Still Gag-Worthy

· The Saga of the Family Lohan continues: mummy Dina tried to get a gag order on pappy Michael before he hit Primetime Live. [Page Six] More »

Monster!

Well, as any child of divorce knows, daddy promises a lot of things he nerver delivers on. More »

Gossip Roundup: Michael Lohan Refuses To Disappear

· When he's not busy harassing his ex-wife and starlet daughter to participate in his planned reality show, Michael Lohan is busy getting crashing his car and getting arrested for a DWI. Being a stage dad is such hard work, no? [R&M & AP] More »

Lindsay Lohan: Gag My Dad

Dear News Media, More »

Lindsay Lohan In New Orleans: A Story Told In Pictures

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Gossip Roundup: Lindsay Lohan + Trucker Hat + New Orleans

· Lindsay Lohan, the miraculously shrinking teen queen, has been spotted around Tulane's bars doing some hard partying. Naturally, her rep claims those sightings are completely untrue. Which is funny, of course, because we might've had some emails ourselves about Lindsay being a little inebriated 'round there. Who knows?! Oh, you know you do. [Page Six] More »

Mr. Blackwell Serves Up Worst Dressed List

Shadowy fashion player-hater Mr. Blackwell has emerged from his stylish groundhog hole to issue his 45th annual "Worst Dressed" list. (That's right, he's been at this long enough to bore our grandparents with his catty nonsense.) This year's picks are like taking a jackhammer to a bag of paralyzed kittens, as Nicolette Sheridan (she wins, she wins!), Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton (everyone together now: She wears clothes?), Britney Spears, and Paul Abdul all feel the sassy sting of his superannuated tongue. While we'd love to ignore all of this dirty business and return to important work of analyzing Brad and Jen's break-up, we do feel compelled to defend one of Blackwell's victims. He probably thought that Serena Williams showed up to every movie premiere draped in the same hairy, fleshy cape, but that was just boyfriend Brett Ratner hugging her during the red carpet photo ops. More »

Ketchup Sells Its Soul For Lindsay Lohan

The celebrity endorsement of certain bottles of Heinz is old news, but spotting one of those special bottles in a local bodega is still worth noting. As consumers concerned for truthful and smart marketing, we have to wonder if Lindsay Lohan is a wise choice for a bottle of ketchup. It does imply that she's eating something requiring a condiment, and, well, we suspect that's just altogether unlikely.

Celebs Pitch In While Lindsay Lohan Jabbers About Her Chest

MSNBC's Jeannette Walls reports that Leonardo DiCaprio is joining the tsunami relief effort. Bully for him, celebrities care, etc etc. (Apparently, he's the only one harboring fond memories of The Beach). The Kabbalah Centre, meanwhile, is rushing 10,000 litres of their magical water to the tsunami victims. Rimshot coming: They've also pledged 50,000 tons of enchanted Kabbalah rubble, 400 tons of blessed Kabbalah splinters from ruined bungalows, and 15 bags of More »

L-Lo to Become Wynona Judd in 20 Years

Memo to Lindsay Lohan: Stop this wicked path of self-destruction you are currently on or suffer the consequences of ending up on the Country Music Channel in twenty years. More »

She Bought A Hat Like Princess Marina

Culled from photos found on A Socialite's Life we assembled this montage dubbed: "The Mother, Daughter, and The Holy Gash." We wish Pam, Lindsay and Paris the best of everything in '05 (primarily staying disease/video-free) and thank them for the opportunity to use that damn Kinks reference we always wanted to. More »

Lindsay Lohan and The Totally Unsubstantiated Playboy Rumor

We have moral dilemmas around here too. For example, what would YOU do if you received a totally wacky email that's intriguing yet totally untrue? Well we think for a moment, remember we don't have a legal team to consult, and then print the sucker but only because we dream of a world where all celebrities - man, woman, everyone over 18 - are free of the societal and familial pressures to pose nude in Playboy. Just like Nancy Sinatra in 1995. Anyway, a reader drunkenly types this meritless garbage from a mental institution: More »

Gossip Roundup: Lizzie Grubman Pays Up And Moves On

· Over three years later, publicist Lizzie Grubman has settled with the Conscience Point bouncer whom she called "white trash" before backing her SUV into a crowd of patrons. It reputedly only cost her a few grand. Good thing, too—now she's financially free to start that hot PR firm with hanger-on Jonathan Cheban. [Page Six] More »

Lindsay Lohan's Reign Of Musical Terror Continues

Our favorite Tara-Reid-In-The-Making, the multitalented Lindsay Lohan, will be appearing on the Ellen DeGeneres Show today; the good news is Lindsay's definitely not lip syncing. An unfortunate reader, however, witnessed the taping: More »

Gossip Roundup: Protecting Nicky Hilton

· Actor Kevin Connolly is the bestest boyfriend ever! When Fox gossip gimp Roger Friedman badmouths Nicky Hilton, Connolly comes to his girlfriend's defense and calls Friedman "fat." Top that, Todd Meister. [Page Six] More »

Breaking: New "Big Ass" Terror Tape Released

We're not happy to tell you this, but there are breaking reports of a frightening new audio recording released on the internet. But it's our job to report these things, even when we're cowering under our desks in fear of another attack by the people who've made our lives a waking nightmare of fear these last few years. More »