Paris Hilton's Christmas Shrine

Brimming with seasonal cheer and seeking to celebrate Christmas in the time-honored tradition of garish lawn-decorating, a Cranston, RI man has erected a holiday-themed shrine to the modern embodiment of glad tidings and goodwill to man, Paris Hilton. It didn't take long for the media to arrive and solicit opinions from awestruck neighbors: More »

Gossip Roundup: Paris is Shady Enough for Paris

• Paris Hilton's fianc Paris Latsis is sketchy. Like you didn't know, and as if you needed further explanation. [Scoop] More »

Are You Not Entertained?!

Do note the woman in the back, who is even less entertained than The Donald and Kathy Hilton. More »

Gossip Roundup: Kathy Hilton Will Use Tinkerbell to Destroy You

• Kathy Hilton — entrusted to carry around Paris' chihuahua, Tinkerbell — feigns remorse when the dog bites a Today Show producer backstage. What's the problem? Doesn't everyone bring their more-famous-daughter's snippy dog to their television appearance? [Page Six] More »

Like a Robert Palmer Video, We Imagine, But Evil

There are at any given moment untold numbers of frightening ads for frightening things floating around Craigslist. But his might be the most frightening one we've ever seen: More »

Kathy Hilton Chooses Her Words Too Carefully

We're totally watching more daytime television today than we'd like to admit and just now, Kathy Hilton is sullying up the ladies of ABC's The View. (Speaking of which, is Star Jones melting? She just doesn't take the weight loss well.) Kathy does her best to promote her reality show I Want to be a Hilton (premiering tonight! Whee!), but naturally the conversation has turned to daughter Paris. "I will kill for my children," she says. Good thing Hilton threw in that key preposition, or we might have had to actually like her.

Paris Hilton's Steamy Commercial Outtakes

After the veritable boondoggle surrounding professional trollop Paris Hilton's too-hot-to-stomach television commercial for Carl's Jr., the fast food chain is injecting a little truth into their advertising. More »

Why Paris Loves Paris

We're still reeling from last night's Michael Jackson-sponsored celebratory sleepover, so do bear with us for a moment while we delve into less complex matters like celebutwat Paris Hilton and the pockets of her fiancé Paris Latsis. More »

Gossip Roundup: Kathy Hilton Clings To Paris For Dear Life

· The Tonight Show refuses to book Kathy Hilton to promote her new reality show unless she appears with daughter Paris. Kathy acquiesces, because clearly Paris has her entire family by the balls. [Page Six] More »

Paris Hilton Fails To Trademark Self

Now that she's getting married, Paris Hilton may soon find herself having to support a whole family on her meager reality television income. Hoping to parlay some of her fame into a modest bit of merchandising cash, she attempted to trademark herself last year. How did it go? According to the US Patent and Trademark Office: More »

Gossip Roundup: Kathy Hilton Dines On Paris' Sloppy Seconds

· At a special Sunday preview of Cinderella Man in East Hampton, the crowd openly booed and hissed during the trailer for Kathy Hilton's new reality show, I Want To Be A Hilton. Apparently, network television can only be desecrated by one Hilton at a time. [Page Six] More »

Today In Trainwrecks: Paris Engaged To Paris

Holy fucking shit on a stick: The latest word from Hades is that Paris Hilton is engaged to the only man worthy of her affections, Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis. We all know that Paris can only love Paris, so a lifetime with Latsis would be the only proper conclusion to the lonely heiress' search for love. And, because Latsis is so fortunate to be as Paris as Paris herself, he's the only man who can hold her attention for longer than the initial moment of penetration. Thus their love is meant to be. More »

Gossip Roundup: Paris' Cheeseburger, Literally

· High-ranking DC politicos have reportedly told networks that Paris Hilton's soft-core Carl's Jr. burger ad should only air after 10 pm. For once, we're in favor of that sort of restriction — why don't we make it so the spot can only air between 11:45 and midnight? [Page Six] More »

Paris Hilton Hack Explained!

After months of sleepless nights spent wondering how and why Paris Hilton's Sidekick was so mercilessly hacked (can you remember that far back?), our geeky brother notifies us that the Washington Post has made contact with the hackers responsible for the release of Hilton's personal information. So how'd they do it? More »

Paris Hilton Has Forsaken Us All

A few weeks ago, we pointed out a ridiculous interview with Paris Hilton, in which she said, "I don t really read anything on the Internet except my AOL mail. I don t like people who sit on computers all day long and write about people they don t know anything about." But, as always, there's more. More »

Paris Hilton: Not a Vegetarian

We're hesitant to start the morning like this, but we've yet to make coffee and, moreover, we're gluttons for punishment. Also, we hate ourselves and want to die. Nevertheless, this supposedly is the much-anticipated Paris Hilton "too hot for TV" cheeseburger ad. (It'll be safe for work once you forward the link to your boss.) If House of Wax didn't turn you vegan, Carl's Jr. surely will. -KEW More »

Macy's Promotes 'House of Wax'?

In the juniors' department, no one can hear you scream. More »

Paris Hilton Didn't Need That Laptop Anyhow

We really DON'T want to write the following item but, the fact is, Paris Hilton is a fucking retard. There. We said it. No offense, of course, to the developmentally disabled, who are far more informed/capable/clean than Hilton. More »

Remainders: How Much Is Paris Worth?

· "It appears that Ms. Hilton's blond ambition knows no bounds and she is clearly intent on capitalizing on her fame; she commands anywhere from $150,000 to $200,000 to appear at a party for 20 minutes, she said. 'If it's in Japan I get more,' she said." And you thought Paris was a whore because of her personal life? Shame on you. [NYT] More »

We'll Always Have Paris

"There's something eerie about Paris Hilton," says the Daily News this fine morning, introducing an exegesis of her utterances in an attempt to answer the cosmic question: Serious or Serious Ditz? Actually, there's something eerie about anyone anyone spending that much time thinking about her. And then there's Liz Smith on the alleged ruputure between Paris and the newly svelte Nicole ("She looks better than Paris now") Richie :

Miss Hilton, released a statement on the "breakup" with these words, "Nicole knows what she did." (Yeah, she got a stylist and a tapeworm.) Funnily enough, Hilton used the exact phrase Tom Cruise uttered when he broke with Nicole Kidman. Of course, that was the end of a marriage with children. This is the end of a publicity stunt of children.

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Gossip Roundup: Nicole Ditches Paris Before It's Too Late

· Paris Hilton needs a sidekick! The human kind, that is, as Nicole Richie has left the Simple Life building in favor of practically anything else. Smart girl. [Page Six] More »

Paris Hilton Gives Mexico Her Special Treatment

While the election of Vicente Fox was seen as a major step in Mexico's move out of the third world, the cycle has been completed with the arrival of Paris Hilton. Our international operative reports: More »

Paris Hilton To Ruin Your Cell Phone, Too!

Haven't had enough of Paris Hilton? Are her constant, desperate, vagina-fuelled antics leaving you wanting more? Do you wish that you could watch Paris act like a twat all the time — while you're driving, eating, even shitting? Yeah? Then you're in luck: More »

Oh, How You Underestimate Paris

Is Paris Hilton a liar? Or a scientific genius? More »

Paris Hilton Hacked: Everyone Wins, Especially T-Mobile

Despite the fact that a hacked Sidekick resulted in the spread-eagled display of Paris Hilton's disturbingly personal information, T-Mobile stores in New York are selling out of the Sidekick II. Which is kind of amazing, actually. As our geeky brother put it, people are "now aware that they can take pictures, write emails and make out with bisexual VJs." And you can also make everyone in the world hate you, but we don't think T-Mobile will incorporate that into whatever new campaign they spin out of this debacle. Our point is: Don't ever doubt the marketing-whore geniusitude of Paris. Did we mention her new movie House of Wax is coming out soon? More »

Men With Boobs: They're Just Like US!

A reader writes in: More »

Paris Hacked: 'US Weekly' Scores Cover Hat Trick

On the bright side, Paris Hilton's HackGate provides the perfect opportunity for US Weekly to put Paris, Lindsay Lohan, AND the Simpson sisters on a single cover. The celebrity weekly trifecta has thus been acheived, and we can all die now. More »

Remainders: Paris Hilton's Everything Hacked

· More Hilton than anyone can handle: her emails and voicemails are reportedly on the internets, and by tomorrow you just might be able to examine her urine samples! Hurrah for modern technology! [Paris Hilton's Mobile] More »

Paris Hilton Hacked: The Lady Finally Speaks

From a beach in Aruba, Paris Hilton interrupts her vacation to momentarily acknowledge the inconvenience her hacked Sidekick has caused everyone: More »

Paris Hilton Hacked, Day 3: Open Letter Time!

Dear Paris, More »

HackGate Flashback: Farce and Tragedy Trade Places

In times of crisis, peoples of all cultures have looked to learned elders to make sense of the world. We at Gawker are no different. More »

The Paris Hilton Hack/Al Qaeda (Non-)Connection

While the FBI is reportedly looking into who hacked Paris Hilton to pieces—erm, who hacked Paris Hilton's Sidekick—no one has yet to look into the Paris Hilton-Al Qaeda scandal which we are literally trying to create out of whole cloth. More »

Paris Hilton's HackGate: The Little Black Book

Sadly, the FBI/CIA/DHS/Secret Service/HUD has yet to call us, and we're feeling a little neglected. To make matters worse, it's getting increasingly difficult to find many copies of Paris Hilton's hacked Sidekick files floating around. We can't just step aside and turn a blind eye; until we're handcuffed and watching Judith Miller drop the soap, we will make sure you too can witness the sad reality of Paris Hilton's number-collecting habit. More »

Paris Hilton Hacked: The 'US Weekly' Analysis

We were lying in bed last night (yes, everyone at Gawker shares a bed—and a single toothbrush), cozied up with our hot cocoa and engrossed in our copy of Paris Hilton's hacked files, when we noticed something very interesting. Ken Baker, the West Coast Executive Editor of US Weekly, is listed in her address book. Granted, it's not unusual for celebrities of Paris' character to have the contact information for their tabloid puppetmasters on hand, but there are also some items in her notebook that have our internal hamsters spastically running on their wheels: More »

Paris Hilton Hacked: The World Responds

Reports of The Hack Heard 'Round the World are coming in from, well, around the world. Americans may be proud to claim Paris Hilton as our own, but she also belongs to the world. And the world is all over this story. More »

The Intricacies Of Hilton's Hacked Address Book

The weather may be crap and your spa might be closed, but at least we have Paris Hilton to keep us busy during this otherwise boring three-day weekend. A reader, having spent a few too many hours scrutinizing Paris' hacked address book, writes: More »

Paris Hacked: Searching For Answers

As the world reels from the shock and empathetic pain we feel for hacking victim Paris Hilton, Gawker is forced to look for answers. We've realized that this is not the first time Paris Hilton has fallen prey to the cruelty of others. From a profile written in 2003: More »

The Collected Works Of Paris Hilton's Hacked Sidekick

Perusing the notebook from Paris Hilton's Sidekick, we wondered: How to best introduce this, the most profound work of the modern era? Can mere words possibly do justice to its raw brilliance? Who are we to dare characterize the intimate inner-workings of the mind of a genius? We can't; her words speak for themselves. A mere sampling of Paris' notes demonstrates her intellectual mastery and tireless work ethic [everything from here on out is a giant sic]: More »

Paris Hilton Gives Us Her Best 'Hacked Cameraphone' Face

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