WOW. Just... wow.

Think of your high school prom, subtract the terrible music, and add a lengthy date rape that will be sweet relief after listening to this douchenozzle yammer on for hours.

Also, since when are Asian women excluded from arm-candy potential?

There will be butter, also.

"You must also have good birthing hips, possess a hefty dowry no less than the sum of seven-twentieths of your father's acreage (or three cows), and you must not be descendant of that scoundrel Martin Van Buren. Also, no Jews."

[www.georgetownheckler.com]

@LolCait:

I think the no-Jews thing went without saying.

Compensation for successful applicant will include four minutes of affectless intercourse on a meticulous, hand-stuffed goose-feather mattress. Unnecessary movements productive of bedding-rumpling not allowed.

@gefilte_fish_blues: Smoove, baby.

I sent out the same ad for my new cleaning lady.

Still no responses...

I would predict that this douche is a future GOP congressman, but there is no obvious hint of sexual perversity.

@concerned citizen: my sentiments exactly.

Does anyone have over/under on the chances this dude is fug to boot?

@depardoo: It's true.

You know, in my carefree youth I used to spend some time at Harvard, sampling their liquors (and on one occasion their men), smoking joints furtively behind trees and on benches, and crashing a party or two. I once tried to get into a Finals Club party and was met with such a look of disdain that I immediately got in a cab and went home for the night. The rumor about these places it that if you don't earn your first million by the time you're 30, these places give you a million dollars. The dues to some of them are like $60,000 a year. It's pretty insane and awful and indicative of everything that's wrong with Hahhvahhd.

Still, though. Woulda been nice to get inside. Just once.

You must be able to work a plow in high heels.

@depardoo: Yeah, because Harvard is notorious for it's Republican leanings. Moron.

That man is going to be President someday. Just makes me feel all warm and tingly inside...

@LolCait: "Just once" -- That's what Andrea Zuckerman thought about Yale, but she ended up at California University.

Compensation will include no more than three (3) servings of powdered cocaine. These will stretch to 2 inches in length, with individual width not to exceed 1/8th of an inch. Audible expressions of pleasure upon consumption *strongly* discouraged.

The smartest and most valuable lesson I ever learned from my mother: "Classy people never, and I mean never, use the word 'classy.'" Sure, she was hammered when she said it, but in vino es veritas.

Yeah, and the gown is probably 'procured' directly from his own closet, a stunning Jessica McClintock, no doubt.

"my relationship of two years ended disastrously earlier this summer"
You don't say. And he sounds like such a swell guy.

@gefilte_fish_blues: But she met Jesse and had Hannah, so it all worked out in the end.

@shesaidwhat: You know that if his ex has any sense at all read this and is like, dodged THAT bullet

Huh. I didn't know there was a Bush at Harvard right now.

"You should attend an undergraduate institution that I will look down upon all night, and must in no way appear to be as intelligent as I believe myself to be."
I bet he plans to order a desperate Russian bride after graduation.

Come on, there has got to be a Gawker spy who fits the requirements. Don't make me get wig and cut off 10 inches... (So I can be 5'6, you dirty kids. I said 10, not 12.)

This is the kind of thing that makes MIT folk feel all proud. They are the nerd proletariat to this asshole bourgeois.

Reminds me of a story Chauncey told the other week when the fellows and I were all out on the boat. It's the big Labor Day to-do over at the Wheelwrights', right? They do it every year. We couldn't make it this time on account of parents' day at Sequoia's nursery. Anyway, Tod Hardcastle shows up -- no, not Tod; sorry, his cousin, Tad -- Tad shows up with his new girlfriend. Now, he's been bragging about her to everyone, so they're all dying to meet her. So, they get there, and it turns out she's Asian. I know. No, I don't know -- Japanese, I think. Maybe Taiwanese. No, certainly not Korean, but still. Her name was Amy, I think. Right? Oh -- and she went to MIT. They met online, of course.

I know. Chet nearly fell overboard, he was laughing so hard. Everyone was very polite, of course, but Chauncey said that Tad's father did not look pleased.

@mollmoll: You are dangerously close to insulting Ron Burgundy. Just you watch it.

Successful applicant will be supplied with manual (attached as .pdf document) describing and illustrating sanctioned modes of dancing. A certain expressive jeu de vivre is of course appropriate, but moves must not, on pain of expulsion, broadcast permissive sexual attitudes.

I, uh, went to a 'nearby school' and dated several guys at various times in my 4 years around Cambridge. I have seen the interiors of the Fly, Porcellian, Delphic, and the AD. Even attended the Fly's annual Garden Party twice.

None of the clubs would I rank up there with, say, the interior of the Campbell Apartment in Grand Central.

and "classy"? These guys got drunk regularly and were no better than the average frat boy - just that they wore Ralph Lauren while quaffing. Jerks.

@grandmoffbastard: You missed the Wheelwrights' little shindig too? Thaxley and I were going to go, but then Onomatopoeia came down with some terrible kind of flu or cough or rash or something (you know I can't understand a word that nanny says). I can't even imagine an Oriental at the Wheelwrights'! It would be like brining some sort of Jewess to one of Kitty Ruxton's garden parties! Just outrageous.

@mollmoll: it's true, and they also don't consider "ornate" to be a sufficient proof of classiness. Little gilded curlicues are no substitute for good posture!!

Also? He says "No Asian" but I'm betting he's a pretty enthusiastic fan of "yellow, brown and Roman".

@Chief Wahoo: What? There's a closet shortage there? Have to get these guys- [www.hcs.harvard.edu]-on it. I'm sure they'd happily make some room.

If this clown has to advertise, he's already subpar. He doesn't know anyone from Miss Porter's who can pull off black tie and good behavior for a few hours? Doesn't Mater know of a sturdy specimen?

@Ian Spiegelman: douché. [Insert computerized symbol for a sarcastic wink here.]

Wouldn't no asian" be covered by his original whites only specification?

All right - I think this man is a jerk but he isn't THAT horrible.

He just ended a relationship and doesn't want to go to an event alone. It seems shallow and superficial to ask for certain appearance requirements but what if he got someone who looked like a prostitute or a drug addict? He just wants to make sure he has someone appropriate. He needs to make sure they are the same age range as his friends. The part about the colleges is probably because he is worried she won't have much in common with his friends or something like that. I don't get the MIT part but maybe they're rival colleges.

Essentially he wants an "escort" for the night. There doesn't seem to be anything that bad about it. You can look at it another way - it's a great opportunity for the woman to meet sucessful, educated men so she is getting something out of it also.

He seems arrogant but many smart people at those colleges are so that isn't anything new.

@LolCait: Oh, you're so bad. Well, anyway, I heard it was a bust except for Tad. I'm so sorry about little Onomatopoeia! You know, I heard her when she picked up the phone the other day, and I should have known -- she sounded sick, and she always sounds like whatever she is.

Later, darlings. It's toodles for me -- and tell Thaxley to call me. I've got a little stock tip for him. I won't say anything, except you know those collars that keep the dog from going where you don't want him to by giving him an electric shock? Let's just say this is going to make the whole immigration brouhaha a moot point.

Hey Gawker editors, you left out the part about hating on black people. The last paragraph of the original post read as follows:

"I hate to sound so harsh, but I have expectations to live up to. No Black, Asian, overweight, or unattractive women please. Ages 18-22 only."

Check out the screenshot here:

[www.collegeotr.com]

@LolCait: The rumor about the million dollars only applies to one club, the one located above the Harvard shirt shop on Massachusetts Avenue. I believe that's the one that included both Roosevelts as members. I have no idea if it's true or not. I always felt that the finals club membership, generally speaking, attracted the 5 percent of Harvard kids that go out every weekend. Then there's the 40 percent that go out occasionally, when they don't have too much work to do. The remaining 55 percent are either biochem majors or highly regarded World of Warcraft players.

I made it inside a finals club exactly once, through a party thrown by another organization; we weren't allowed past the first floor, and everything was decorated with pictures of bears. Prints of bears, photos of bears, hoary old newspaper articles about bears, all gilt-framed and hung on the dingy wood-paneled walls. I'd say it says something about the member's proclivities, but I don't want to be hunted down and killed.

@newtojezebel: I'm pretty sure the sniffly sad end to his relationship involved him screaming "You get the fuck back on that altar!" to his fiancee at her sister's wedding and then getting slammed in the face by the groom, who quipped, "Share that with the Dalai Lama, Jackass!"

@kentuckienne: Ohh. Thanks for 'splaining. I must admit, most of my "info" comes from Harvard kids who existed on the fringe (and in the dark recesses of Mather). Me, I was just a BC kid coming to rattle the gates a bit in Cambridge.

Also: "highly regarded World of Warcraft players." = Hah!

@notoriousbhc: He says only blondes, also... but is he talking drapes and carpet?

@notoriousbhc: Also: there must be a plethora of 23 year olds with all his other desired qualities who are just devastated to be out of the running for this on a technicality.

@Ian Spiegelman: funny!

What are all these options for anyway? Why would I want to "follow" a person around?

I find it a little stressful - you have to worry about accidentally choosing the wrong option so you have to concentrate instead of just responding to something.

@Mediahohoho: Please. It's easier to find a Chinese member of Menudo than it is a Republican at Harvard.

@Chief Wahoo: You're forgetting about Cesar Tsai-Sanchez.

@newtojezebel: so "appropriate" is synonymous with "white"? Good to know! And thanks for the clarification on your original craigslist posting!

@newtojezebel: I don't know what that "follow" thing means either--I've always been afraid to click it. I think maybe if you click it LolCait shows up and breaks all of your stuff.

I see Harvard produces such impressive asswipes....