Gawker
It was April of 1983, and Mary Kirby was an azure-eyed up-and-coming author. She was single, but on purpose and men would trail her everywhere. She was so good at meeting men that she wrote a book about it! She called it Mary Kirby's Guide to Meeting Men. Twenty-five years later, the text is still amazingly instructive.
Today's selection comes from Chapter Four: Flirting. It concerns the ways in which women can make themselves more attractive to menfolk.
The first and most effective flirtaphernalia a man notices is your hair, which is why it's probably a woman's most personal and creative accessory. It's one of nature's flirtaphernalia and it should be used to accentuate all your different personalities...Next week: Where to meet men! Hint: Tenant meetings! Opera Parties! Celebrity Tennis Tournaments!For some around-30 women, tousled, disheveled, and shorter curls look great because it's a youthful, alive look that moves easily into evening. Add a few whimsical feathers for a sexy touch. Or get a pair of oversized, dramatic earrings if you want to accentuate a slicked-back look. Earrings are flitty because men love the little tinkly sound that jewelry makes as a woman goes by...
Cutting your hair short can be an exciting way to change your look.... I never thought of my ears as particularly sexy until one man looked at me dreamily and said, "You have the most sensuous lobes. May I nibble one?"
You needn't go to extremes to be flirtatious. Sometimes a little braid at the side of your face can be more intriguing than a whole head of braids. It's certainly more feminine than simply pulling the hair back with a barrette.
Comments
I liked that Rasta braid thing too. In the 70's.
Was this just published in Australia last year?
Funny, I usually just hit the guy over the head and drag him back to my cave.
So I just shaved my head and cut off my ears. I'm in, right?!
"Earrings are flitty because men love the little tinkly sound that jewelry makes as a woman goes by..."
I think she's getting 'men' mixed up with 'cats'.
She needs to check herself before she wrecksherself. Opps! Too late.
Did Camille read this? Genius.
@CodePink: What? You'll have to speak up!
"You have the most sensuous lobes. May I nibble one?"
. . .Hannibal Lecter, upon application of Axe Body Spray.
Hey guys, don't laugh, this is the secret to Camille Hayton's success.
I am so sorry to hear about your flirtaphernalia.
i am all about the whimsical feathers. they get me laid every time.
what about flowers in the hair? how are readers of this ever gonna find their own little cheesedick like patrick moberg without such?
tell it to moberg
I don't know. I get laid every single time I go out with my hair pulled back with a barrette.
@KarenUhOh: And I misread that for "labes." Gawrsh!
I find that whimsical feathers bring a sexy touch to everything, especially events at Indian casinos.
A man once said "you have the most sensuous lobes, may I nibble one...?" to me, too.
And then he tried to eat my brain.
@KarenUhOh: Yeah, but when Hannibal says "lobes", he's talking about your brains.
@SarahHeartburn: Shit. one damn minute.
@the cajun boy: Aren't you only supposed to wear flowers in your hair if you go to San Francisco?
Flirtaphernalia sounds like a Def Leppard album.
@kaitydid: Obtained from Salvation Army counters?
That's where I've been blowing it - not nearly enough whimsical feathers.
but a whole head of braids is so bo derek. i want to be a 10!
@the cajun boy: The only good reason for a woman to have feathers or flowers in her hair is if she passes out drunk in a garden filled with pigeons.
Wigs are a really great way to help accentuate your "different personalities." Especially when one of your personalities is Sinead O'Connor and she keeps shaving your head. My pageant queen personality was terrified when she woke up with no hair, but has loved the flirtatiousness that comes with wigs.
Wait, I didn't mean "My pageant queen personality," I meant if you have a pageant queen personality...
I'm scared of dangly earrings (irrational fear of torn lobes, ack!), but I find that a good way to provide that much sought after tinkly sound is just to pee on my man.
I think the gay guy equivalent of "flitty earrings" that make a "tinkly sound" that men love to hear might be a Prince Albert piercing with a bell. Got to check with Spike on that one to be sure, though.
Listen, MEETING men is not the problem. Finding one whose interests move beyond chewing your earlobes and being attracted to shiny, noisy things like your earrings is the hard part.
"One man looked at me dreamily..."
She meant drunkenly, right?
Baby, let's make sweet, sweet lobes. I mean....
And is a counterpoint from Mystery on the way?
Some men just love a little tinkly.
College Callgirl's Guide to Meeting Men:
1. Go up to them and say hi.
2. Accept free drinks.
3. Mention that you are interested in going on a date/ drinking in proximity of one another on another night/ leaving for cheap casual sex
4. Repeat.
Also, saying: "come fuck my face" is an attention-grabbing way to start a conversation - and is sure to lead to a lasting relationship.
It's a flower between the teeth that does it for me. Or has someone made that joke yet?
I suppose I should feel lucky to be an actual and rare Bird of Whimsy with this plumage to attract mates. Tweet.
Gigantic earrings. Yes. Awesome. Like Colt 45, works every time. I heard there's a great store on Route 17 in Paramus that specializes in just that...
How apropos - the repeat of The Office last night had Michael returning from Jamaica with one tiny, awesome braid in his hair. "I am now chopping off Phyllis' head with a chainsaw!"
"Add a few whimsical feathers for a sexy touch. Or get a pair of oversized, dramatic earrings if you want to accentuate a slicked-back look."
Does anyone else think this was ghostwritten by Claudia from the Babysitter's Club?
Maybe she had a feather in her ear,and what he said was,
"You have the most sensuous LABES. May I nibble one?"
"Sometimes a little braid at the side of your face can be more intriguing than a whole head of braids. It's certainly more feminine than simply pulling the hair back with a barrette"
Didn't we learn this from Patrick Moberg already?
Feathers! When I was little (back in the '80s) those feather clips that dangle from your hair like a dead bird were really big. (Memo to Dog the Bounty Hunter: note the use of the past-tense.) I was at a fair with my dad and they were selling them. All the cool girls wore them to school so I begged him to buy me one. He agreed. I picked one out with bright aqua feathers and handed it to him to take to the vendor. And that's when he realized that they are clipped onto the side of the head with a roach clip. He refused to buy it and said he would not allow his 8 year old to fasten drug paraphernalia to the side of her skull. God, I was such a dork in school.
@collegecallgirl:
Stacey McGill goes for Baby's Breath tucked behind her ears and looped into a crown above her forehead. They KILL at the bars.
I think CCG comes closest so far, but the only tip that's really needed is "Step out the door of your home."
But you can't get a book out of that, so you have to come up with variations on the theme.
25 years later and the hair advice is spot on. Only now it applies to pubic hair.
What's funny is that I'm in my thirties and I recently cut my hair.
I need to run down to Claire's now and get myself some giant silver hoop earrings. Maybe roll over to Forever 21 and get some black leggings, and chinese flats.
Form an orderly queue, fellas.
@Smitros: Yeah, or my personal favorite, "Walk into a bar."