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Oh, The Onanity

motelEach week, we celebrate some commenters, because we mistakenly think that commenting isn't its own reward. (Actually, it so is!) This week, I'm giving out awards! Not cash awards. But made-up awards, like the Nobel prize or a Nebula or a Hugo or something. Wait, first I'm going to make a pot of coffee. Okay, back! Let's do it!



  • The Award Just For Surviving College comes from Vote For America's Most Annoying Liberal Arts College and goes to Schadenfrau for these two comments:
    "Not that the place needs any more help here, but what the hell?

    I hadn't even been at Sarah Lawrence for a month before I was called into the dean's office to discuss my cameo appearance in some freak's vision. Yes, vision.

    The girl claimed to have envisioned her own murder after eating a leaf that had been previously "nibbled on" by a fairy. Not only did she take this story to the dean, but the dean was concerned enough to pull me out of class to discuss this.

    SLC sweep, people.

    Don't worry- everything was resolved when a man who claimed to be a vampire took it upon himself to sort out this situation with the help of a dreamcatcher and some fossilized amber stuck under his roommate's (the aforementioned imaginary murderer) bed.

    How did it end? The imaginary murderer was asked to leave school and both the vampire and fairy-leaf-eater graduated.

  • The Teacher's Pet Award For Doing Exactly What I Dreamed Someone Would Do comes from here and goes to Yarnbaby for this comment:
    do she?
  • The Award For Drawing Important Connections comes from How To Buy And Sell Fake Handbags and goes to OverpaidandUnderworked for this comment:
    During my last year at Smith, a group of girls from the Republican Club formed an organization called 'Project Handbags', which attempted to aid the federal government in busting bag counterfeiters, including the ladies who hosted these kinds of parties. That should get us a few extra votes in the Most Annoying Liberal Arts College poll, no?
  • The Ken Layne Memorial Award For Pointing Out The Necessary Obvious comes from White House: Terrorists Will Destroy Us Unless We Keep Killing People and goes to YelloJKT for this comment
    Homeland Security has predicted ten of the last zero attacks.
  • The Karen Carpenter Award For Taking A Grey Day And Making It Better comes from My Cock For Barack and goes to ClarenceRosario for this comment:
    Oh, the onanity.
  • The Award For Caring About Minutia That Should Be Cared About goes to I Don't Get It for participating in Did Paris Hilton Roofie And Three-Way Tyler Atkins? with this comment:
    You think they would have cut his hair while he was passed out.
  • The Award For Just Being A Good Person goes to Successories in the 'Weekly World News' folding post for this comment
    this is, like, the only publication i have ever subscribed to at retail rates with my own money.

    i'm madder than a rack of ribs on a kibbutz.

    • 3:56 PM on Fri Jul 20 2007
    By Choire
    4,035 views
    13 comments