Gawker
Hey, so the Vanity Fair Africa issue hit newsstands today! Guest-edited by Bono! We rushed out to get our copy and brought it to the office where we realized that, you know, we're kind of shallow. Isn't Africa kind of last fall? We don't have the attention spans for that stuff. You know what we do care about, though? Celebrities! And with twenty different celebrity-studded covers, the magazine kept up involved for a good five minutes looking at the Annie Leibovitz compositions. Each one blends one subject from the previous cover, so you've got your Don Cheadle and Barack Obama giving way to Barack and Muhammad Ali. Here's a handy guide to who you'll want to look for at the newsstand.
Ali joins Queen Rania of Jordan, Queen Rania is paired with Bono, Bono stares at the back of Condoleezza Rice's neck, Condi is almost edged out of the picture by George W. Bush, Bush observes Bishop Desmond Tutu at prayer, Tutu stands behind a seated Brad Pitt (you'd think the dude would have offered the elderly bishop the chair), Pitt bros it up with Djimon Hounsou, who scopes out Madonna's rack. Madonna whispers something in Maya Angelou's ear, Angelou looks disapprovingly at Chris Rock, Rock tweaks Warren Buffett's ear (Africa=ears, apparently), Warren puts a calm hand on Bill and Melinda Gates, the Gateses flank Oprah, who whispers something to George Clooney (seriously, there's some kind of ear fetish here, because Clooney does the same thing to Jay-Z). Hova stands next to Alicia Keys, Keys poses with Iman, and Iman whispers to Don Cheadle, who you'll remember from his earlier appearance with Barack Obama. Whew! Caring about another continent takes a lot out of you!
Comments
Maya is most displeased because Madge doesn't call her Doctor.
I get the
feeling that when I receive my issue I will wish I was Phil Leotardo's head
What IS Barack Obama doing behind Muhammad Ali there? Preparing for insertion? The only thing that saves that cover shot from being possibly the gayest thing ever is that they tactfully decided against running the select in which the Senator's spitting onto his hand.
That was the dullest cuddle party I've ever been to.
Awww - Africa. Who's a good-little-distressed-continent? That's right - you are. You are. Aren't you? C'mere. C'mere. Now, roll over. Paw. Play dead.
Why Bush? Seriously?
Is the irony of choosing a medium that pretty much nobody gives a shit about - fewer by the day, AIDS parallels abound - apparent to any of them? Nobody reads magazines.
I've had this issue since Thursday, you guys have some awfully law-abiding newsstands down there. You gotta give Graydon props on the Bush cover though. Must be some sort of magazine coup to rake a President over the coals every single issue for 6 years, and then get him for the cover of your Africa issue.
I'll bet those Forbes employees who had their pensions cut by new owner Bono are really, really excited about his efforts to help Africa.
Maya has this look on her face like "Oh dear lord, please don't let her kiss me."
The worst game of telephone. Ever.
Annie L., please retire. You had great talent once. Now your work consists of bored-looking celebrities or bored family members. Not all light that goes into the shutter is meant to be slapped on a magazine cover.
Vanity Fair really is the most pompous, preachy, self-righteous pile. It's difficult to take seriously anything therein.
And those photos look like a Gap ad.
Does it say in there that, at the end of all the serial whispering, Don Cheadle handed President Bush a condom and a roll of quarters?
Africa's fucked.
Is this the issue in which Maya Angleou discloses that she re-uses plastic shopping bags?
Oh God. Yet more shit from the wildly overrated Annie Leibovitz. Fuck Bono and Vanity Fair.
And before Brad Pitt started banging Angie, did he ever give a flying fuck about Africa? Could he have even picked it out on a map? Please.
Maya's not up for adoption, Madonna. Besides, Angelina called forever dibs on her.
This is what pompous self-gratification looks like.
@Chaim_Gnadelstein:
Yeah, but don't be too hard on yourself -- that's an apt description of 99 percent of the comments here.
@grandmoffbastard:
Meta, dude.
...But nice.
Whew. For a second there Bono I thought you were going to shock VF's insulated readership into reality with a startling photo of an AIDS victim or an oprhan from some famine-ravaged country. This multiculi panel of hawt celebs was a much better idea.
@Chaim_Gnadelstein: Shucks. Thanks.
You know, National Geograp
No Sting? Are you even allowed to have a celebrity charity function/photo shoot/weenie roost without him?
You know, National Geographic did a whole issue on Africa about 18 months ago and it was terrific. Thing is, they managed to cover the entire continent without running into a single glam celebrity.
@SecureLocation: And seeing as how that totally solved Africa, it is pretty obnoxious that another publication would even bother to approach the problem in a different way.
I'm just thrilled (seriously) to see that Annie Liebovitz is still shooting on film.
@HeavyWordsLightlyThrown: Actually, my first thought was that Madonna was whispering to Maya that she's going to steal her grandchildren (or great grandchildren?) for "adoption."
I would like to think that Maya put the smackdown on Ms. yoga-pilates after the picture taking was over.
What, they couldn't actually get Stephen Colbert to pose with his black friend Djimon Hounsou?
I'd like to be the meat in a Pitt-Honsou sandwich.
Africa is always interesting, dammit!
homoerotic celebrities = Africa issue?
Do you think they told the celebs what the issue was going to be about before they posed for the pics? Maybe they are just leftover shots from the last Christmas issue.
COMING NEXT ISSUE: Stars of the NHL and WNBA pose for pictures to prevent global warming, plus celebrity horoscopes.
I remember going to Wake Forest University, where Dr. Maya Angelou was ensconced one week out of the y ear, and during the freshman orientation, she made an appearance and read some of her famed poetry.
Madonna wasn't there, but we all worshipped Maya with gut-wrenching knee-jerk reactionism, when the almost entirely white student body realized that this was our chance to care about black people! We loved her with a heartfelt love that went beyond sincerity.
@grandmoffbastard:
Sorry to break this to ya but magazines really don't have the power to "save" Africa. Most magazines can't even save themselves.
@BigNuts: I had a friend at Wake Forest. I went to visit during freshman year. I felt very exotic in spite of my 100% Banana Republic wardrobe and sheltered, suburban (Oreo) ways.
And where was Ms. International Humanitarian herself, Angelina Jolie? I suppose she wouldn't deign to be photographed with other celebrities. She is, after all, the only person in the entire world who is doing anything at all to help people. She will save the world all by herself. She doesn't like competition.
@nigerienne: nigerienne, this happens to people who do not have blue eyes. i sympathize.
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