'Let's not cheapen it with labels'

That line totally worked on me once. Ah, the days of being an easy girl in college.

You know, I don't own a cell phone. This supplies me with an infinite supply of "hard to get (ahold of)" mystique.

I think it's all a plot by Apple to make the iPod (even more of) an essential of modern life, just so you can drown out the cell phone assholes wherever you may be.

i'm gonna go ahead and predict that someone is going to get thrown in front of a moving train for yapping incessantly about some nonsense while standing on the platform. bet on it.

@magic1: Even when my ipod is out of batteries I put my headphones on to at least create the appearance of a barrier between myself and whatever's around me.

One can only hope a Darwinian selection will kick in, whereby yappers crossing the yellow line are distracted from the sound of the oncoming train.

Will my cell phone also work in the subway bathrooms?

@concerned citizen: Same here. It makes me feel better about ignoring people when I'm tricking to them.

@CodePink: As long as you own a TV. Nothing worse than a pretentious "oohhh I just read the New Yorker or take a walk and appreciate nature or spend quality time with my family" asshole. As far as I'm concerned, HBO, E! and Comedy Central *are* family.

So now, in July, there will be someone to call and complain to about the inhuman, furnace-like temperature.

If you're that important that you can't be out of reach for even 15 minutes, why can't you afford cabs?

I'm seeing a real growth spurt for noise-cancellation headphones in the New York metro area moving forward. Which isn't such a bad thing - don't we all want to look like douchebag DJs???

@the_mayoress: Oddly, ABC Family remains out in the cold.

In my opinion, not all cellphone junkies are suffering from delusions of importance; it's more that it's impossible to just sit and quietly be alone with your thoughts when you don't have any.

@heatmiser: Aren't the subway bathrooms just the far end of the platforms for most people?

@heatmiser:

they said the platforms, so um... yes?

@gingirl: You too? That must have been a popular line. I got "Boyfriend is such a broad term to use". Which is essentially the same thing.

@Ha Ha Sound: @zequ: Thanks, just making sure.

Shares of Overheard In New York just skyrocketed in pre-market trading.

@concerned citizen:

I also wear headphones (belonging to my lost i-Pod) so people will not talk to me. On airplanes, I pretend I'm deaf.

My favorite 'deaf' moment was when they seated an older and really obnoxious woman next to me. She was a Christian Woman (and a loud one)who believed in the war and Bush as president. As she kept trying to talk to me, I finally used what little sign language I know, and shouted in my best deaf person trying to sound like a hearing person, "I m
deahff." At which point she chose to share with the entire plane that, "This poor lady next to me is deaf." From somewhere in the back of the plane wea all heard, "Well, ain't she the lucky one."
Sadly, this did not keep her quiet, but she did stop talking to me.

At some point in the future, while riding on the N train, a terrorist will stand up, open his coat to reveal dynamite strapped to his chest, shout, "Death to America!" and push a button on his cell phone.

Nothing will happen, and after a long and awkward pause, someone will say, "You have to wait until we get near a station."

"Thank - thank you," the terrorist will stammer. Then, another long, awkward pause as the N train starts and stops, starts and stops, its way down to 23rd street.

Clearly, this was a much better investment of the MTA surplus (or is it a deficit?) than security measures.

"Hi honey! Just calling to say I'm almost at Union Square! Do you want organic tempeh burgers from Trader Joes or should I get gluten- free waffles? Ok, I'll call you in two more minutes to inform you I'm almost there."

@the_mayoress:
I don't have cable, though. If I could budget it, I would. Although I get some channels. Like Food Network and TBS. It's all Paula Deen and Vin Diesel movies for me.

Oh, this is terrible, TERRIBLE news.

@gonzosmom: Ha!

@gonzosmom: In my first job, as a restaurant host, an older lady once walked up to me at the host stand and said, "Could you please call me a taxi?"

And I, having been raised on a steady diet of Bert and Ernie, enthusiastically replied, "Sure! You're a taxi!"

She paused, looked confused, and then repeated, "Could you please call me a taxi? I'm deaf, and I can't use the telephone."

In my defense, she sounded nothing like the only deaf person I was familiar with, Bert and Ernie's coworker Linda.

@CheapCynicism: So great, and so true.

crap text message from a dude at the Bedford Ave L

Anyone waiting underground with the rest of us poors cannot possibly have a phone call that can't wait. Unless it's from a dealer.

@the cajun boy: I was going to suggest a pool. I'll give it a week before it happens, one month tops.

Finally, the C.H.U.D.s can get Chinese food delivered.

I already get cell phone service on my platform - if your station isn't that far below ground, it's already pretty common. I even got a call on the 1 train near 79th street - surprised me and pretty much everyone else in my car when it rang.
That doesn't mean I actually use the phone - maybe just to get out a 30-second call to tell someone I'm running late. Not only do I not want to be obnoxious, I don't want the douches who would talk nonstop to figure out that they can.

@grandmoffbastard:

That's exactly the kind of thing I would have done.

There is a difference in speech among the non-hearing. Those who went deaf later in life (after learning and hearing language) tend to sound 'natural' while those who were born deaf do have a distinct sound.

Either way, it isn't easy for them.

I really wish I could feel more guilt over using deafness as an excuse not to talk to people...

The plan:
Dress like Mister McFeely from the Neighborhood of Make Believe.

Run up to Important Cell Phone Person with a padded envelope marked "URGENT! HAND DELIVER TO: YOU!"

Inside the padded envelope is human feces and one of those bank-robber-blue-dye-squibs that go "Bzhbff!"

Tip your hat and dash away.

@Mediahohoho: i'm going with the first REALLY hot day of spring/summer. tempers have a tendency to flare during that time.

In other news, Scott Rudin just slashed his assistant's salaries by 365 cab fares.

@gonzosmom: You made coffee come out my nose.

@VoxPopuli: Sure. "Once I realized it was porno I only read it three more times."

@CodePink: Back in the day, I didn't have an answering machine... until I realized I didn't have any friends, either.

@theobviouschild:
If my friends are any kind of friends at all, they'll learn to use my carrier pigeon service.

@the cajun boy: Good point, but it could just come down to fight with the wife/disgust with the job/some sort of regular irritant that gets exacerbated by some twat running down her complete wardrobe in a whiny JAP voice. Of course, I understand that if I'm the actual thrower, I don't get to collect on the bet. If I get caught.

@CheapCynicism: Actually, your pure-genius brand of cynicism is too high-end for the Robb Report.

@gingirl: Ah, the days of dating easy girls in college.

A few years back the Onion did the guy on the street feature, "Should they allow cellphones on planes?" And one answer was, something to the effect of, "Only if they also allow beating the shit out of fellow passengers."

@PimpMyCouch: Isn't anyone "emotionally unavailable" anymore? Have The Kids really become so sophisticated as to render this gem of a line obsolete?

And speaking of sophisticated kids, where's our Gossip Girl post??

@nately: And you can call Ghostbusters when you see a dead C.H.U.D. on the platform.

@PimpMyCouch: Dewd, sounds like we gave the milk away for free.

@Nately: awesome reference. totally.

@concerned citizen: So do I!
Headphones & sunglasses make me feel nigh unto impenetrable on my commute.

@grandmoffbastard: Heee! Aw, I just fell in love with you a little more after that story!

i would actually prefer it if they built a shield around taxis that repelled cell phone signals.

i am so fucking sick of being in a cab saying, "what?" every few minutes because i think the cab driver is talking to me. all these dudes do is talk on the phone and usually in a foreign language so you have no idea what's going on.

The last bastion of peace and quiet on this island is going to be taken away. God save us all.

@DorothyMantooth: It's the closest we have to an invisibility cloak. And yes, when I forget my sunglasses I feel naked all day, not because of the sunlight but because of the searing visibility I have.

It's kind of depressing that tunnels are the last terrain of privacy. I think when this dawns on people they'll start to go nuts and seek out shelter in tunnels just to avoid phonecalls. Or at least this will happen in a Paul Auster novel.