She don't need no more learnin'.

Maybe she should perfect her snarl a little, then pull that one out when they guy(s) ask for her number, or to share a taxi. A little less Elvis, a little more Billy Idol.

I wanted the cute bartenders more than the billionaires!

Wow! What a down to earth girl!

(End it)

How about, "Hey there, gentlemen who happen to be seated at my table -- I know you all want me, like, bad, but I need to go hunt down some working-class poonanny so I can blog about it in a lady's magazine tomorrow."

That oughtta do the trick.

i'll make her a nice ground lamb patty and some Far East Brand boxed curry couscous and then we can go scope out the bartenders at my neighborhood Irish dive. oh wait, what i meant was--no, we cannot do that. because you annoy me so greatly.

@TedSez: I believe you meant "peenanny" there. "Punani" or "poonanny" refers specifically to the ladybits. It's Hawai'ian!

@TedSez: Don't think "poonanny" was what you meant--this isn't the Jane blog, hon.

awright Venus--'giner syntax hi-five!

I thought we were supposed to see Alyssa DATE; not go to dinner parties with her girlfriends.

She may not know how to "blow guys off" but I'm sure she's blown plenty of guys!

my dear, stupid Alyssa,

you will always want the cute bartenders over the billionaires.

signed,

your poon

(Trying to figure out exactly what it is about having read the "unbelievable lamb and couscous" line that is making me...so...angry...)

I'm beginning to think that the Wall Street assholes' tendency to demand head in exchange for dinner dates has a lot to do with putting something, anything in the mouths of twats like this to get them to shut the fuck up. What a crushing bore.

She also needs to learn to grow a chin.

Alyssa's blog is like the Judy Blume book, "Are You Up There God? It's me Margaret" but with tits.

Can the commenters on her post on the Glamour site be real? They are all sincere responses to her closing question. Can people really be this vacuous?

She wants to bone the help? Before August? Who does she think she is, Calvin Klein??

Has anyone checked Tim Swanson's blog? There *has* to be something there about how entertaining it is to haul out prissy city girls out east and watch them squirm as they try to figure out whether the dinner they just ate was worth some oral or just a handy...

Has anyone checked Tim Swanson's blog? There has to be something there about how entertaining it is to haul out prissy city girls out east and watch them squirm as they try to figure out whether the dinner they just ate was worth some oral or just a handy...

Are you sure that's not just a thinly veiled attempt at the good ol' fishing for compliments game?

"I hate how being a nice girl gets me in trouble! Is there such a thing as being TOO nice?! Tell me I'm too nice!"

@sheistolerable: @VenusCloacina:

1. poonanny ((poo-nan-ney))

word for sex... slang word meaning sex or sexual intercourse

Anyway, that's the definition they gave at the Scripps Spelling Bee.

@TedSez: I must have missed that part of the spelling bee!

You know, I once read in a "how to draw comics" book that the 75% facing-you face is the most prevalent face in comics. Looks like Alyssa read that book too. Seriously lady. We get it. You don't like your nose.

Also, if you're going to date-blog, at least be sexy. Julia Allison is out there with her marvellous rack, in a cheerleader's outfit! And what are you doing? Badly-lit, mid-range poses of an insecure J.A.P. who dresses in canvas sacks. Even the 30-year old Jane virgin is sexier.

I wasn't interested in them romantically or anything, but I felt rude ditching them after an hour of dining together.

I think the unfortunate gentlemen in question would have much preferred for you to shut the fuck up and get lost, but it's cute that you think they wanted you to stay and hang around.

"I wanted the cute bartenders more than the billionaires"

They feel the same way about you vis-a-vis your inevitably hotter friends.

Girl is LAME.

@Chaim_Gnadelstein: (Trying to figure out exactly what it is about having read the "unbelievable lamb and couscous" line that is making me...so...angry...)

Perhaps knowing that the three bites she actually took were perfunctorily yacked up in the ladies room soon after?

She resembles a less-sexy Pee Wee Herman.

It is unbelievable how much ire this blog draws out of people. I know this is Gawker and all but geeze.

How unbelievable is couscous, for God's sake?

Every plate of it I've ever had was perfectly easy to believe.

@Chief Wahoo: Thank you. I've been looking at her and trying to figure out who it is she looks like. She is so Pee Wee. She's even got that curled upper lip Pee Wee gets when he's pissed.

I dunno... she looks more like Meadow Soprano cross-pollinated with Pee Wee

Girl, you gotta stick your finger up his ass. Do you wanna go home? Do. You. Want. To. Go. Home?

@BulletPark:
It was the lamb that was unbelievable - it kept pulling the wool over.

@Thatgirl: I think the reason why everyone's dander is up is because Alyssa is yet another example of a talentless twat who got her job via connections rather than talent.

This item isn't journalism, it's a stupid note that's being passed around homeroom. And the bitch is getting paid for it.

I can't wait till she runs into Awesomeist and they both blog it.

(what's his latest incarnation, anyone know? I've lost track of the aliases).

And she relates most to Brenda from Six Feet Under? Is this the Brenda that barked at people or the Brenda that fucked random strangers when she was in awkward situations, depressed, etc? Because I don't see either.

MMMM! Arabian food! Girl's gonna need a bigger cooch if she's gonna be into Arabian Nights, per her post title.

(Hint: Arabians are horses, not people.)

Couldn't escape? What's wrong with "Please excuse me, gentlemen, I have to hit the ladies' room." It's not rude, and lets you deal with that unbelieveable lamb in privacy.

@SharonTaint: YES! Pee Wee Soprano, definately.

I hate to admit it, but I'm a Glamour subscriber. I'm not that slow. I don't assume that I'm nice, i don't vacation in the Hamptons, and I don't assume that every male that I talk to totally wants to do me. I don't visit the website and first heard of Alyssa from Gawker.

@Mediahohoho: Wall Street assholes are precisely why I live in CT.

Who decides someone like Alyssa is glamorous? Did she ever think for a minute that they talk to HER just to be nice? Oh wait, dumb question. She'd have to be capable of thinking...