• Lloyd Grove takes a fairly exhaustive look at what it's like to be Jessica Simpson at the VMAs. It kind of makes you sick, but then so did Dukes of Hazzard. [Lowdown]
• Then on Page Six there's the whole VMA pre- and post-party gossip rundown, which is almost as boring and lackluster as the actual VMAs. [Page Six]
• Anna Wintour's boyfriend's daughter gets a promotion at Vogue Vanity Fair (Like you're not totally lazy at your job?!). Is it still nepotism if you're not related except by gross, old person casual sex? [Page Six]
• Will Harry Morton propose to Lindsay Lohan? Will Lindsay Lohan accept? Will that rash ever clear up? [TMZ]
• A restaurateur in the Hamptons rescues Susan Lucci from a flooded convertible. Some fat lady in the midwest is so happy she's throwing a party for her million cats. [R&M, 2nd Item]

Contact information for this author is not available.