Gawker
When a canvassing Jehovah's Witness stealthily slipped a pamphlet under my girlfriend's door recently, I saw it as a sign from God—a sign to critically examine the marketing prowess of the J-Dubs.
I know zilch about the Bible or religions. I do, however, know bullshit. I've created somewhere north of a 100 bullshit-filled brochures hawking everything from spice-infused vodka to urine analysis machines.
In the style of Ad Age's Bob Garfield, the senior windbag amongst the laughable field of "ad critics," I will give the Watchtower pamphlet a star rating of between 0-4.
The cover of any brochure is critical. As Bill Bernbach (the "B" of DDB), the Father of creative advertising, supposedly said: "If nobody notices your ad, everything else is academic."
The headline is somewhat provocative. But the exclamation point screams "cheesy zealotry." The sans-serif typeface sets the right tone, but the line fights with the predictable lightning visual. Two possible fixes: either make the headline honking huge, or go with a tiny headline and find a much scarier lightning stock photo.
The inside spread design? Ugh. Way to copy-heavy. The left panel lays out the three parts of false religion: 1) "meddles in war & politics"; 2) "spreads false doctrine" (duh); and 3) "tolerates immoral sex." Next to this subhead, they feature this pic of a priest having his dick sucked.
I would have gone with a more graphic depiction—shots easily available on the web.
The right panel finally gets to the meat—the supposed imminent end of false religion. The harlot below represents false religion, and the lamely drawn seven-headed, ten-horned beast represents the world's political powers. "Soon" the J-Dubs claim, quoting Revelation, the beast will "make her devastated and naked, and will eat her fleshy parts and will completely burn her with fire..."
They completely lost me there, but I strongly suggest more violence and nudity. And either do a photo shoot, or hire a top-notch illustrator not some guy's brother.
On the way-too-busy back page, The Witnesses blandly and unconvincingly present their case that they are the one true religion. But no matter. They've already lost a conversion. (*) One star.
94 years ago, liar H.K. McCann launched his NYC ad agency with the slogan "Truth Well Told." That was a Big Fat Lie. Advertising copywriter copyranter brings you instances of Ad Lies and the Lying Liars who sell them.
Earlier: Lies Well Disguised: Naming Shit
Comments
What?
hmmm . . . "the beast" kinda sounds hott.
is he single?
Upon finishing this comment I will proceed in cleaning the coffee I spit out from laughing off of my keyboard/monitor. Posts like this make it hard for me to successfully waste my day reading Gawker without being discovered as a waste of payroll.
"Get out of her my people"
What? Is this some sort of gang bang reference?
How fascinating.
The "eden" depictions on the covers are the craziest. It seems that Watchtower readers want to live in some sort of multicultural glamor-shot where lions let you pet them and everyone wears pressed polo shirts. No thanks.
You'd think JWs could convince Prince to up his tithe so they could afford better propaganda.
Shit, they could have done a wholesale ripoff of "Sign 'O' the Times" and ended up with a better product.
WHY DOOR TO DOOR?
The reason the watchtower corporation orders their Jehovah's witnesses members to intrude door to door is because in the beginning their leader Joseph Rutherford (who himself never went door to door) knew that this cold-calling tactic would get them recognition and "persecution" as pesky.
If they can get "persecuted" by picking fights then he can say they are 'persecuted for Jesus'.
It's all a Watchtower cult SCAM~Danny Haszard expert witness on jehovah witness
Best practical joke I've heard in a long time....
A friend had a long standing grudge with some guys she had known (said grudge was generally in good fun), and contacted the JWs to alert them that their "brother" had "lost his way." She told them that really the only time he was ever at home (and not totally stoned or banging the neighbors) was at about 6 am on Saturday, and to knock until he answered and bring him back to Jehova.
Then she took him out for a night of solid drinking. They came knocking just as his hangover was beginning to set in. Took him hours to get rid of them.
I could never become a Mormon. I have to have Coke with my Jack Daniels.
We here in the world of windbaggery, when finding fault with someone or something, generally back up the criticism with evidence, or analysis or argument. Anything else is just name calling. Or, as Pete Dexter put it so eloquently, "If you call somebody a no-good, thieving pig fucker, you'd better be able to produce the pig."
The Comment "Get out of Her, My People" is actually derived from scripture.
Revelation 18:4 specifically.
I read the pamphlet, and I found that everything that they said was backed up by biblical scripture. They at least got that right, even if you don't believe in their prophecy time-line.
So what if they go door to door anyway.
If you don't like it, ask them simply not to come back, and they won't.
Don't make a big deal out of it, geez!
They and the Mormons are the only ones that actually "go forth and make disciples" anyways.
You can't say that they're doing it for the money, because they only ask for a donation if you take something like a book anyways.
Oh, and they don't believe in strict tithing either.
Talk smack about Jehovah's Witnesses all you like, but at least they care enough to take bible scripture seriously and don't make it up as they go along, or change it to meet their needs.
Oh, and they actually care enough to go deliver a message to people who don't care a lick about them and only slam doors in their faces.
But they still go.
John Herd
"Actual" Expert on Jehovah's Witnesses
did you just say they don't change it to meet their needs??? wrong!! My mother was a j-dub when she was diagnosed with serious kidney problems in 1975,but low and behold,she couldn't have a transplant because organ transplants were considerd cannabilism by the society,so she died in 1977 at the age of 32.The society then reversed its stance in 1980 and said its now okay to have an organ transplant.Get your facts straight before you come to their defense.
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