Gawker
The little war between Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan has a whole new front: Brandon Davis, the oil scion best known for boozing his way to the top of Los Angeles' tower of celebutwat nightlife. The omnipresent cultural pornographers at TMZ have released a video shot last night, featuring Paris Hilton and Davis — who's so drunk as to sport some impressive facial bloat. Always a gentleman, Davis defends his lady friend, ranting about Lohan for an impressive three-and-a-half minutes before throwing the ultimate gauntlet (as transcribed by our brother Defamer): "Lindsay Lohan is a firecrotch, she has freckles coming out of her vagina, and her clitoris is seven feet long." Well, now you know.
For quick reference, we've put together a handy rundown of Davis' important stats from the video:
• Usage of "fuck" (including "fucking"): 10
• References to Lohan's freckles: 3
• References to Lohan's genitalia (including her "pussy," "skanky pussy," and "7-ft long clit"): 5
• References to the orange/red color of Lohan's pubic hair: 4
• Number of times Davis utters "firecrotch": 10
• Unflattering references to Lohan's attractiveness as compared to that of her incarcerated father: 1
Paris and Brandon Davis — the Incredible Hatred Towards Lindsay [TMZ]
Comments
Fat Elvis really has it in for Lohan. What gives?
"Firecrotch" is the name of my new metal band.
Total shonda, dude.
What's he got against redheads, the fat ugly fuck? He might be rich but he looks like a cab driver I saw him do coke at a NYC restaurant, right out in the open...
You know how they say that people tend to make fun of other people to distract from their own insecurities? Brandon Davis has a 7-foot long clitoris.
I seriously thought I was about to see yet another another celeb trash their whip in a drunken stupor.
I like how they bleep out "vagina." It's not like it's a medical term or anything.
Of all she shit he spewed, the least classy line had to be "She's worth about $7 million...that means she's poor." Class act, douchebag. Class act.
'are there any 2 more disgusting people in than paris & brandon?' No.
Woah, she's better hung than Ann Coulter apparently.
I'm so glad you mentioned the $7 million thing - that should have been the first part gawker noticed. Also, why did nobody make a citizen's arrest of Paris driving high? Is it too late to press DUI charges?
My vote for worst comment goes to the coda of the $7 million statement: "It's disgusting." What a foul man.
Didn't mention the $7 mil b/c TMZ has it right up front. We're more concerned with cold, hard numbers. Ten firecrotches, people. TEN!
Fabian Basabe and Brandon Davis return to Gawker coverage in the same day! It's a great day to be a Male Celebutante.
If Brandon's so rich, how come he hasn't been able to afford his much-neede face transplant yet? I'm also disappointed in Paris. She used to do so much more to get our attention.
Ahh ... to be 15 again.
he's a budda...but, ah, what about the face? will somebody puuuleeease kidnap these trust funders? it's a sure thing no one will pay the ransom.
If you kidnapped them, would you want to be stuck around them, dealing with their a-hole asses?
I think this is good education for any of the kiddies out there who think they might do well to be pals with Paris or whomever. Sure, you get into cool clubs but at the price of them having to repeat over and over again whatever catchphrase they invented that they just find so witty. "Firecrotch" "That's hot." "Fucking firecrotch." "That's hot!"
I'd rathe be a firecrotch than a par-ass kisser. Man, she needs a good slap.
That (Paris Hilton's) laugh is the fakest laugh I have ever heard. And I work for a laughtrack-making company.
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