Gawker
This week's Look Book subject does "as much yoga as [he] can." Well, Wyatt, we do a lot of yoga (we do. Seriously!) And we have to tell you: your backbend totally sucks. You're not supporting your lumbar properly at all, and you're going to have some nasty issues with that when you're older if you don't shape up. Also, saying that you love living in Nolita "because it's very youthful, but not as dirty as, say, the East Village" is an incredibly twatty thing to say. BKS Inyegar himself taught us that. Well, okay, not really, but the part about the backbend is true. After the jump, Swami Shivananda Interna Alexisa rounds up the toned, centered wisdom of John Phillips, Yelena Elkind, and Marty Tuber to further analyze Wyatt's shoddy Urdhva Dhanurasana, and also his pants.
John Phillips, Trophy Dad
Do you think Wyatt is crazy or androgynous?
It probably depends on what he talked about with his therapist that
day. If it was his pathological, whorish need for media attention, I'd
say crazy. If it was how his father disowned him when he wanted to go
to his high school prom with his friend "Kyle" from "out of town," I'd
say androgynous.
That's quite a backbend.
Well the body can do amazing things when it's not constricted by they
physics of male genitalia.
Apparently, Wyatt was a Teen Vogue intern. How did that go for him?
It was probably like the minor leagues of the fashionista cokehead
scene for him. Now that he's in the big leagues, by the time he's 30
he'll probably have hepatitis and look like Wilford Brimley.
Your thoughts on his most energetic pants?
I'm just glad they're keeping him awake for his art history class,
because there's obviously a veritable frenzy of intellectual activity
going on in his head that will no doubt have a profound impact on the
art history world someday. I hear he's up for a department prize for
his "El Greco: Eschatology and Chiaroscuro" article that was
published in Art Quarterly.
Yelena Elkind, writer
Do you think Wyatt is crazy or androgynous?
Firstly, plently of people are both crazy and androgynous. Having said
that, I think Wyatt is neither crazy nor androgynous. He's just crying
out for attention like one of those cutters or teenage mothers on
Montel Williams.
That's quite a backbend.
Yes, I agree. That is quite a backbend. It really brings out his back-fat.
Apparently, Wyatt was a Teen Vogue intern. How did that go for him?
He probably dazzled over there at Teen Vogue with those outstanding
back-bends. Wyatt is not only too cool for school, he's clearly too
cool for Teen Vogue. Whenever he strutted down the halls of that
office, wearing his funky, color conscious ensembles, on his way to
re-heat that Stouffers dinner-for-one he brought from home, all the
other interns were like "Damn, Wyatt! You go, boy!" They'd suck on
their braces and be like "There goes Wyatt, y'all"
Your thoughts on his most energetic pants?
I've seen far more energetic pants, but not many. I like how the
vertical lines elongate his figure and give the playful impression
that he recently broke out of prison and escaped a lengthy sentence.
Kiddie porn, perhaps? No, no. Wyatt's more of a white-collar criminal.
Marty Tuber, freelance writer
Do you think Wyatt is crazy or androgynous?
Wait, there's a difference? Oh, but I jest — no tits, no package,
it's obviously the latter. Which is actually a kinda crazy.
Crazy-awesome.
That's quite a backbend.
You have no idea! I can't even tell you how many nights I've stayed up
late with Wyatt, doing shots of wheatgrass off his bikram-toned tummy.
Plus, if you let him bend over a bit more, he could stick his head all
the way up his ass.
Apparently, Wyatt was a Teen Vogue intern. How did that go for him?
Hard to say. While his twice-weekly fact-checking stint may have
scored him a press pass to a totally awesome Tribeca screening (and
some free eyebrow threading coupons), he still had to wait in line for
45 minutes to use the john at the afterparty—which, judging by the
Spin photo, he's still rather miffed about. Also, most of the people
at the party were only "students." Lame.
Your thoughts on his most energetic pants?
Since I'm at somewhat of a loss here, I'll defer to Einstein, who, in
Part V of his 1954 collection Ideas and Opinions, states:
"It is customary to express the equivalence of mass and energy (though
somewhat inexactly) by the formula E=mc2, in which c represents the
velocity of light, about 186,000 miles per second. E is the energy
that is contained in a stationary body; m is its mass. The energy that
belongs to the mass m is equal to this mass, multiplied by the square
of the enormous speed of light—which is say, a vast amount of energy
for every unit of mass."
Let's start by noting that Wyatt's big ol' booty clearly adds a
substantial amount of mass (m) to those super-tight trousers. If you
multiply m by the velocity of light (c)—which, as Einstein notes, is
very fast—squared, you'll find that Wyatt's pants are scientifically
proven to be most energetic (E).
Looking at the Look Book: Yoga-Loving Student Wyatt Hough [NYMag]
Earlier: DW and Tasha Gibson are Estimable Dorks
