Dennis Kucinich should stop walking around with flowers in his hair; it's sending all the wrong signals to Zack Braff.

I often have those dreams. And I always wake up screaming, with the bedroom smelling faintly of clove cigarettes and vegan farts.

The girl of his dreams dresses like a whimsical little semi-employed superhero.
I think this says way more than he (or Emily) realizes about Boys Today.

I am confused by her outfit and her fancy braided hair with flower. Her top half wants to attend a fancy gala, yet her lower half wants to head over to Studio B to see Mobius band.

Thinking about doing one of these featuring myself, and adjectives like "paunchy" and "disappointing".

Blue tights, braids, blue gym shorts and a flower in her hair?? I'm guessing what she was writing in her diary was somewhere along the lines of, "Don't forget to take Haldol tomorrow. Don't forget to take Haldol tomorrow. Don't forget to take Haldol tomorrow.Don't forget to take Haldol tomorrow. Don't forget to take Haldol tomorrow. Don't forget to take Haldol tomorrow. Don't forget to take Haldol tomorrow..."

@pooks: Pure genius.

Also, why didn't he just go over and, you know, try to start up a conversation with her?

@pooks: Fucking hilarious, great comment.

She looks like an elf. Perhaps he needs to take a hint from Drizzt Do'Urden on how to hunt elves properly?

I used to do things like this. They worked!

All but once, and it turned out that was a good thing.

Unfortunately, the fat guy from "The Pickup Artist" was on the same subway car. And while you were doing your cute website, he was doing her on a futon that smelled like pizza.

@actorpull: He was too busy drawing the ad.

I hear ya, Emily.

[crumple romance]

Also, Emily? NO LINKIE TO THE VIMEO OR THE TUMBLR. Because that puts money in you-know-who's pocket. And it's your asterisk.

@TedSez: KILLING.

@bridgeburner: I thought her top half was a sous chef and her bottom half worked at American Apparel. I, too, am confused about the boys/girls today.

@TedSez: I can't wait for the Holiday Season to use my never-fails pickup technique, the Nog.

I hope everyone else has better dreams

@pooks: fuck! thanks for reminding me. thanks for reminding me. thanks for reminding me.

Nashville pussy.

me thinks there will be a ton of desperate women shopping american apparel and the wig section of ricky's tonight.

@Colonel Mustard: I think American Apparel does accept bottom-half employees, but they have to integrate horizontally.

@ellagood: Hmm. Two can play at that game. Which Ricky's?

@COLONEL MUSTARD Laughing out loud at the sous chef comment

Not a good illustrator, but as a stalker, admirable game.

Hope this works out. I want to know more...

I don't think John Hawkes stabbed anyone at the end of Me and You and Everyone We Know. Which is obviously where this is headed.

@Conbon: Blarghhhh.

(That is a good thing.)

@Conbon:


)) > > ((

The previous draft of the site -- "I love you so much I just want to cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday!" -- was rejected at the last minute in favor of this slightly-toned-down version. Which is a damned shame.

@Cesare_the_Somnambulist: Ah, the Nog. I've fallen under its spell before. Whither thou, Xmas 1998?

One thing missing from the drawing of the guy is an arrow pointing to his ipod and an explanatory note that says: James Blount's "You're Beautiful" playing on a continuous loop.

It's in the next panel when we see Cathy for the first time, getting off at her stop on the 5 and yet again overlooked by male admiration. At home she stands by her mirror, pokes at her middle-section once or twice and then posts on Craigslist for only her 2nd time ever: "BBW4SBM: Must be older and professional looking. D&D free. No thugs please!" for the sexual encounters section.

Confused about your feelings?

Then you DID like the watermelon!?

The fact that he didn't talk to her when he could, but just stared and memorized every detail of her being in order to draw it and post it later on the Internet, is exactly what is the Problem with Boys Today. Pansy little fucked-up emo stalkers.

Wait, someone was attracted to someone on the subway? That happens? Cool.

THAT'S MY WIFE MOTHERFUCKER. STAY AWAY FROM HER.

Is one of the things wrong about boys today that they draw like girls?

Because this guy draws like a girl.

ooh, let's all do one!

Me: high heels, multicoloured coat, faded jeans, cropped hair. Air of insecurity coupled with general disdain. Struggling to get lighter to work and finally swearing at it and looking around embarrassedly to ensure that no one saw that I can't properly light a cigarette.

You: Male. Breathing.

@cassandra: Hear, hear!

Hmm. The haircut is a little butch for me. She looks good, though. Crudely-drawn-illustration hot.

@IBentMyWookie: Does "heavily, exclusively through mouth" qualify?

@Cesare_the_Somnambulist: Forever.

@Koala325: Here is how he chose to represent himself: as a guy with (1) no neck; (2) a strangely shaped goiter for an Adam's Apple; and (3) wearing jeans that are so low-rise that his pubes are probably showing.

@Conbon: I'm in no position to be picky. So not only does it qualify, it puts you (or your hypothetical friend) in the lead.

@IBentMyWookie: Anakin will be so pleased.

@Conbon:
Ooh, I love a man with an evil, unholy army of his own. That's why I can't hate on Wendi Deng.

@IBentMyWookie: Please call me. Not a mouthbreather (I swear!).

My guess is she's a French-Canadian philosophy major at Columbia. And did anyone else notice this guy's cell phone has a fucking TENNESSEE area code? I seriously hope she can get over the fact that Cassanova here made this creepy/douchy website after having spent 10 minutes across from her on the subway and couldn't make eye contact or come up with some semi-cute pickup line. Then they'll hook up, have some whispery sex, and get the hell back to the central time zone where they belong.