Oct 25, 2006 04:50 PM
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Wed Feb 10
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We called for submissions to a gallery of the worst magazine covers from the past 40 years, and you responded like the champs you are. Yes yes, several people pointed out Demi Moore's nude-preggers shot from Vanity Fair, but that's already on the ASME's best-list (at #2 actually), so it's disqualified for our purposes. After the jump, in no particular order, find what you sent and what you said about the baddest covers of our age.
Dynamite, #33 1977. Think we're too nice to pick on a kids' magazine? Think again! Of course, any cover of Dynamite could be abused for its bleak design and painful photos, but we figure the Captain and Tennille encapsulates the vibe.
Men's Health, December 2005. "Is it my imagination or do Adrian's abs look digitally enhanced. In any case, he looks like an idiot standing amidships with his shirt blowing."
Good Housekeeping, July 2006. Several nominations for this one, from the unflattering dress worn by Sarah Jessica Parker to the seizure-inducing blue plaid background.
Mirabella, April 1992. "Poor Jessica. Cover shot so unflattering EIC was interviewed about it."
Seventeen, February 1993. Love looks like this: swoopy hair, high-ridin' jeans, and holding a spotless soccer ball as if it never played a second of sports in its life.
Seventeen, May 2003. The infamous Sarah Michelle Gellar stock photo cover with her photoshopped alien mutant arm. Seventeen attempted to make amends by sending Gellar an expensive purse, which she refused because she doesn't wear leather.
Redbook, July 2003. Even worse photoshop hackery. "This picture would only be 'REAL' (LOL!!!) if Julia Roberts was auditioning for the remake of 'Young Frankenstein,' with all the assortment of mismatched body parts going on here." Roberts's head and body come from two different photos; Redbook apologized, but sent no purse.
W, October 2006. Widely blogged and mocked elsewhere, what can one say? Janet Jackson looks ready to star in any number of movies about wrestling, striptease, super-heroes, space exploration, sadomasochism, or extreme hairstyling.
Rolling Stone, February 9, 2006. Say what you will about Kanye H. Christ, we still kind of like this cover, because it makes no sense with such visual eloquence.
Rolling Stone, July 11-25, 1996. This should make you long for the relative subtlety of the Kanye cover above.
Spin, September 2000. And speaking of Jesus, crypto-Christian rock band Creed gets all KYed up for you. Lead singer Scott Stapp reportedly called the magazine after the issue came out, complaining that the photo made him "look gay." Roger that.
Time, May 27, 1985. "The bangs, the highlights, the headline all stink."
Time, March 12, 2006. "If there is someone malnourished on the cover of Time, they should be from the Sudan, not Fashion Week."
Black + White, May 2003. "An otherwise great cover if they've had the foresight to remove the cigarette-cum-trickle of manjuice!"
Vogue UK, November 1991. For the stylishly accoutered goat-herd.
Vogue UK, August 1984. This poor young lady appears to have collided with an Easter basket and then performed a faceplant on a craggy stretch of glittery asphalt.
Vogue UK, December 1975. Sure, fashion was different back in the seventies — but just what the fuck is going on here? Never mind, we don't want to know.
Cigar Aficionado, Spring 1996. Concentrate. Matt Dillon is trying to send you a secret message.
Harper's Bazaar, August 2006. Several hits on this by the usual crowd of women-hating anti-pregnancy misanthropes. The distended, airbrushed human body is a beautiful thing, people.
YM, November 1995; GQ Germany, December 2000. This one is more of a progression. Summer Altice wins YM's young model cover contest in 1995. Five years later, she's getting backdoored by Santa on the cover of German GQ. She's hot!
Butt, Autumn 2006. "Their covers are LEGENDARY!" No argument here.
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