Gawker

OMG CRUSH!!! More info please! Such as: your tattoos -- just how pretentious? And also, did the Marc Jacobs for Louis Vuitton thing spoil it for you just a little or was that just me?

Welcome back to New York, Pareene!

that cat thing is passive-aggressive, isn't it.

Yes, but do you mind if I actually AM a cat? Welcome, Pareens!

SCREW YOU, HIPPY! YOU CAN NEVER REPLACE BALK!!

ha ha

"Pareene" is the best name since "Doree." Welcome!

That's all well and good, but please get to the roof in an American Apparel swimsuit. We gotzta see the goods.

What's that song? Guns 'n' Roses, that goes:

"You're gonna diiiiiiiiee" ?

No reason. Just wondering.

When can we expect to hear from your cock?

I've seen Paul Westerberg, and you sir, are no Paul Westerberg...
But hey, totally pleased to meet you anyway. Welcome!

"I can't wait... Can't hardly wa-ait"

I geuss that the backstage pass is fitting for the moment, but I still can't decide if I like "Stink" better than I like "Don't Tell a Soul".

Okay, "Stink" wins it.

What momo said. Also: those fingerless gloves are really bringing out the Dickensian in your outfit.

Hello there.
So what are your thoughts/ feelings on this?
[nymag.com]

@Snarktastic:

I prefer to call it his "Pareenis".

What up, Minnesota? Let's celebrate with a nice pan of cookie bars.

Welcome, welcome. Back? Back.

@City_Dater: I thought they called him "Fall Downstairsterberg".

Does this mean Minnesota will take more punches from Gawker or fewer?

Welcome aboard.

You've earned a bye based on the assumption that the 'Mats reference was your own. I won't be as easy on you next round.

Welcome Pareene.
Gawker bile factory is a good sound byte that leaves me wanting more, so more please.

Hi. Welcome. How long do you think it'll take to win over our hearts and minds?

@Snarktastic: Oh please, can't the My Cock thing die already! That and LOLing so much that you end up spitting on your screen, spilling liquid on the keyboard, etc. C'mon, we're a wacky bunch of kids here. Surely new funnies can be made.

Minneapolis? So, are the residents there happier now that the name conjures images of lonely men tapping their feet at the airport, instead of Mary Richards throwing her hat into the air?

Children by the millions scream for Alex Pareene to com--

Oh, never mind. Hi dere.

If my cat's a short-hair, can I still have you over for dinner parties? If yes, do you have any food allergies? Do you prefer red or white wine? Feel free to bring your wife!

you have a big condom to fill alex.

So we're meeting the new boss? Are you the same as the old boss? Welcome, in any case.

Minnesota! Home of the Spam Museum!

@paulrevere: Balk, how're things over at Radar?

Willkommen, Alex 2.

So, what's your favorite color?@Sara Benincasa:
Doreen Pareene - and then they have a baby named Maureen Pareene, and a son, Taurene Pareene...

Dear Alex,

Some advice from the original blogger, useful when deciding how much sympathy to give your newest subjects:

Depend upon it that if a man talks of his misfortunes there is something in them that is not disagreeable to him; for where there is nothing but pure misery there never is any recourse to the mention of it.

--Samuel Johnson

You're not my real dad! Um. I mean, welcome!

@tammyfey: Owww! My soul!

Please send a strongly worded email to your replacements at the 'kette to stop posting about sports.

Also, hi.

The last guy let us have class outside and gave us his home phone. Will you be doing the same?

So when will Denton start forcing this kid to gobble estrogen pills?

Welcome! In a Gawker editor, I look for a general antipathy tempered by an annoying sense of responsibility to, like, post shit regularly. I personally never expect much from Wes Anderson that he hasn't done (better) previously, and I don't like cats unless they are properly ferocious. I also have a thing for guys with glasses. Consider this "better know your readers!"

@Upper Upper West Side: I am a Gawker Commenter program, still in beta at MIT Snarqlabs.

@PandoraSpocks: He was doing fine during this morning's pillow fight.

Welcome, welcome! Have you already hooked yourself up to Balk's bourbon drip? If so, your new job will be a bit more tolerable. But just a bit.

@concerned citizen: I'd hope that he sees it as an opportunity to generate page views.

Welcome ! and remember "There's no one you can't afford to piss off."

@tammyfey: I agree. "You owe me a new keyboard" needs to be added to that Gawker blog cliche list.

Oh, welcome, Alex. From 20% of the Gawker Straight Male Contingent.

You're fucking with my routine here, Pareene . Now I have to read Gawker to make your Wonkette departure hurt less? I guess I have to quit my job now or something. Thx.

@NotAndersonCooper: If we take it upon ourselves to bring in cookies on random days, he'll have no choice but to take 20 minutes or so out of teaching to let us distribute them to the class.

I learned it from watching you!

Welcome.

@momo: Fingers crossed.

check 1, 2, 3. check check. awesome! i'm really glad that commenting privileges on wonkette work over here as well. i've updated my bookmarks and i'm mentally prepared for the fun times ahead!

If Pareene is there and I'm still in DC (let me check: yep same ghetto view of a cemetery) ... that means he did not take me with him. He is SO off my holiday card list.

I admittedly Google-imaged "Alex Pareene", and the first picture is of you smoking a cigarette surrounded by beer bottles. I think we'll get along just fine.

Does this mean that the former editor of Radar took Alex Pareene's job at Wonkette? Or does the circle of separation continue indefinitely?

Welcome, Alex. So let's just get the formalities out of the way; if you were on a desert island (or Staten Island) which would you prefer:

-Pole
-Hole

???

@fortqueenmean: Hey, don't stand on formalities or anything, love.

you've been here before?
shit, my blackouts used to be pretty frequent...

From Frogtown to the Big Town. Welcome. The propeller that grew from the top of your head during your Wonkette gig should shrink over time

Welcome, welcome. Minnesota on da blog!

NotThatClever
Minnetonka High School, Class of a Fucking Long Time Ago

I love you in advance for hexing Lohan. Fingers are crossed.

Did Denton pay for the relocation? Magic 8 Ball says....Answer hazy, try again later.

Welcome to the neighborhood!

By the way, when do we start getting paid for commenting?

@Truculent: ??? Gawker team +Pareene + propeller head= Et tu, Depardoo?

Just 114 words and I hate you already.

@Curse_of_NursePornstein: Don't forget to carry the 9

Are you lying on the floor next to your own sick unable to work? No? Then you are not Paul Westerberg.

@City_Dater: I too have seen PW. I can't really say that I've seen him perform. He staggered around a bit on stage. Even still when I saw that graphic my heart skipped a beat. They are all time favorites.

@jbk: no I didn't

Welcome, NewAlex.
Now dance, monkey!

There's talk on the street, it sounds so familiar
Great expectations, everybody's watching you
People you meet they all seem to know you
Even your old friends treat you like you're something new.

Alex-come-lately
The new kid in town,
Everybody loves you
So don't let them down.

(I hate the Eagles, by the way.)

What is it about your name that makes me want to eat you...Are you filled with marshmallow or nougat?

@Cesare_the_Somnambulist: Are you so jaded you don't know friendly when it walks up and fails to make an oh-so-edgy MIT joke? Oh, and even though I'm reticent to mention my own film-school origins, even I'm wouldn't swipe a name from Dr. Caligari. Kudos!

Yay! "One foot in the door, the other one in the gutter..."
If you get all lonley, Alex, I will be sure to send you a hot dish.

Oh hey, October, things are going on in different places, let's check it out: * OMFG did you know Gawker is mean? [New York magazine, 11 pages] * I should really retroactively quit, having learned such a terrible fact! Also, my Wonkette co-editor beat me to it, the lousy sonofabitch.