• From his damp prison cell, Michael Lohan sends Lloyd Grove an editorial cartoon depicting his relationship with daughter Lindsay Lohan. We think this guy's got a future with the New Yorker. [Lowdown]
• Oprah chooses 73 of the most camera-ready (but needy!) girls to attend a school she's built in South Africa. [BBC]
• There's no way in hell that Victoria Beckham has this much flesh on her ass. [Us Weekly]
• You know why Kate Moss never says anything? Because she's a complete idiot. The model was rumored to be marrying junkie rocker Pete Doherty in a small ceremony in Indonesia; Doherty was detained in London on drug charges, alas, so we'll have to wait to see how far Moss' stupidity can go. [Gatecrasher]
• For the next season of Survivor, contestants are rumored to be split up according to race. Like that's not going to cause some major issues on and off the island. [Page Six]
• Steven Soderbergh puts an end to his Ocean's franchise one film too late. [IMDb]
• Samantha Cole, the otherwise unremarkable "singer" who slept with philandering Peter Cook back in the 90s, keeps her name in Page Six by screaming at a model, who called Cole a whore and then dumped ice in her lap. For once, we really like models. [Page Six]

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