What a prick. This guy should be tied to a piano and thrown in the Hudson.

"There is a Romanian couple that have been doing my father's suits for years."

I wonder how often he unlocks the closet and lets them out to gulp in a little fresh air and see 10 minutes' worth of sunshine.

Andy's more effective than vinegar & water.

what a douche.

He probably uses the same interview Q&A for his match.com/Jdate profile.

Wonder how he gets the ink off his nose after he signs his name.

I hope he likes i-banking, because if he's blowing $3k on a suit on a $190k compensation package, he's going to be doing it until the day he dies.

But then again, I'm sure the dudes he spends 17 hours a day in an office with appreciate his efforts to look nice for them.

I call bullshit on this guy. He bought his own blackberry? WTF?

Douchetendous

"Tools of the Trade". So clever, that Post!

I wonder it he'll notice when I sneak into his stylish apartment and quickly urinate on his CAO Brazilias?

Can't possibly be a real banker on that nut. He's either a trainee making copies or their information is wrong.

Or...he could just be really, really lousy at his job or cranking out garbage at some no-tier firm.

$190,000 is low for a 24-year-old banker? What is he, a second year analyst?

Wasn't Tom Quinn's first year bonus $80,000 (and that was because he was being bought off for not litigating a pirate attack)?

Only 10 suits? Pitiful.

"He's not afraid to be an individual:

'I keep a pen behind my ear at all times. I never used red pens before, now I always do - it stands out.' "

Oh, the Devil May care! I was wondering who's super-pimped Harley that was parked outside. Bad. To. The. Bone.

He's a wannabe. Probably working in some boiler room doing a pump and dump scheme with stock for the "next" Google or a Peruvian goldmine.

@Byebyebirdie:

Yeah, I didn't notice he was 24. It might fit, depending.

I still think he's title-inflating, though.

So, smoking cigars is a resume skillset. I wonder if I should put down wagering at the OTB, and a fondness for single-can beer.

nice play on the Stewart vs. Stuart, Mr. Balk

Anybody who uses the expression " 'nuff said" and is not Stan Lee needs to be informed that it's clobberin' time.

What about white suits? Are white suits okay? White and double-breasted?

"I keep a pen behind my ear at all times. I never used red pens before, now I always do -- it stands out."

That pen behind his ear is clearly green. LIAR! Also: douche.

@zibby: The buying his own Blackberry thing is a little odd, though some firms give you the option to choose your device (Treo/Blackberry/etc.) and then reimburse you for the cost and the service.

If the guy is really 24 he's most likely a second year analystin whic case he's making 70K with an expected bonus of 75-120K for this bonus season. So 190K is very high, and very few second years will be getting anywhere close to that.

And FaceMeetsFirst, bankers are not well known for saving or making good financial decisions. They need all the material comforts they can to somehow validate their empty lives.

How about a dating site just for guys like this? Douchematch.com?

Any self-respecting "I-banker" knows that red pens are verboten anywhere near a trading floor. Red = losses. He will never amount to anything and will drink himself to death trying to unload his timeshare with Sandals to make his alimony payments.

Just to be a rebel, I think I'm going to roll into Milk & Honey - ya know, next time I can get a rezzy - and start approaching women.

Anyone wanna come with?

What's truly frightening is that for every me who finds his profile beyond revolting, there are six or seven douchettes who have found their "classy" ideal.

I never understand how pasty-white, not overly-attractive, somewhat chubby dudes like this always seem to somehow end up thinking they are cooler than shit.

And look at that smug, douchey pose of his. If I walked into the office each day and had to work with that, I'd want to completely pummel him first thing.

@Sigerson Holmes:
This guy calls for one of Balk's spoofs. I also think he's a fake. The "projected bonus," the $5k watch, the pencil behind the ear and all the rest of it sound like pure bull. For one thing, all the senior investment bankers would eat alive any second-year analyst who dared to dress so far above his pay grade. Or should I say, imaginary pay grade. Also, who the hell uses a pen anymore? All he has to do is sit at his computer crunching Excel spreadsheets. Although, given his old-fashioned idea of what investment bankers do, maybe he's been using an abacus?

This has got to be the first banker I've come across who actually prefers red ink. That does stand out.

@PikachuMcHeidegger: That made me laugh out loud, because I am a dork. But better that than a tool.

This guy works at the Jamba Juice on University. Swear to God. Saw him there lat week.

I also forgot to mention that most "real" fianancial firms strongly discourage - if not expressly forbid - their employees from participating in these sort of Spendy McSpend profiles.

Anyone remember the Uberconsumer from a while back?

It's gotta be tough to be this guy. You buy a 2500 dollar suit, a 700 dollar silk tie to match, and then when you gank the tie up real tight to sharpen up your image, your pasty double-chin ruins the whole image by bubbling out like a squeezed sausage.

I wonder if Yogi's puts that beer dildo - "beerdo", if you will - into his pitcher of Bud Ice? Certainly would up the douche quotient a notch.

I'm confused:
If "The only alcohol I drink is Blanton's whiskey, Woodford Reserve (a small-batch bourbon) and Glenlivet 15-year (a single-malt scotch)" then why would he care about cheap pitchers of Bud Lite?
I imagine the reason "people started calling less and less" had little-to-nothing to do with his work schedule.

Being in and around I-Banking for the last ten years, this type of douche isn't uncommon unfortunately. But, this tool is 4 years ahead of schedule in regards to his sense of entitlement. He needs a complete beating by the senior level I-Bank douches.

Unless he was a grad out of a top tier business school, I am fairly sure that his 190K comp is a fraud. Most second years will crack six figures but not much higher.

All in all tool boy was the one that got his ass kicked in the playground from kindergarten through 12th grade. It's society's fault, we created this wad.

@zibby:is he different from the analyst who got fired from Morgan Stanley for being named in the NYT as the owner of a mere four-figure Tag Heuer?

R O C H E S T E R ? ? ?

Kids, let's all get on teh myspacesterbook and link the douche to a name. I'm guessing he went to U of R with a big assist from Dad's donations and the local-kid curve . . .

...and that looks like a blue pen behind his lobes. Please, something plunge it into his ear canal, repeatedly.

Cigars? I thought coke habits were the resumé builders for these douches?

@In Other News...: Hey now, lay off Rochester. Some of us were born there. Doesn't mean we go back there to get our suits tailored though.

A few points in addition to those already caught by eagle-eyed fellow forum-ers:

- That little Romanian couple that's been in the family for years? Fire them, because that suit is bunching and pleating like it's going out of style. If you want to project an image of power and finesse (and are wearing a $2700 suit), may I suggest not folding your arms and standing in half-profile?

- The Rolex Submariner's bezel is not "half blue". It's green, or blue. Sometimes it's black. The GMT-Master is the one with the half-red, half-blue bezel.

And yes, thanks, I did just out-douche Mr. I Insist That You Think I Insist Upon Quality himself.

@SixThirty: Well, there's no alcohol in Bud Ice, so no contradiction, right? He's still a moron, though, because I'm sure the PBR is a better deal.

I went to Yogi's once and liked it, but now that I know this guy is there I'm never going back.

Also: a bar where men can't approach women? WTF? I'm up for going with Zibby, just to get kicked out. But then my wife will kick me out of the apartment too, for the same reason. You can't win in this life.

Where's Patrick Bateman when we need him?

Ugh, I can smell his popped pink polo collar all the way from here. It makes me think more bars and offices and cities need to have rules that forbid men from approaching women...

Take it easy on the poor Romanian couple and their tailoring prowess. Bill fucking Cosby couldn't keep that much jello under control if he tried.

LOOK AT MY STRIPED SHIRT!!!!F-ING LOOK AT IT!

@copyed: You know, I'm willing to bet some woman just used the "You're not allowed to approach women in this bar." line to rid herself of this douche, and Douchetard here not only believed it, but rationalized into one more reason why the bars he goes to are just that cool.

@dotorg greg: Nope, that's the guy - unless there's another one like him, which wouldn't stun me.

Is this guy Carrie Gross' live-in boyfriend?