In the early hours of Wednesday morning, Paris Hilton filed a police report claiming that Shanna Moakler, ex-wife of Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker (whose face Hilton was recently seen licking), punched her in the jaw at Hollywood nightclub Hyde. Moakler told officers that she was pushed down the stairs by Hilton's ex, Stavros Niarchos. Does it really matter who did what? Talentless bitches are fighting, and for a serious paper like Los Angeles Times, that means an opportunity for serious journalism. So where shall we go with this? An exposé on club safety? Perhaps an in-depth report on the secret world of violent females? No, no — the LA Times is going to dig deeper, asking its readers to "walk a mile with us in Paris' Manolo Blaniks [sic]." Ah, so a sociological exploration of the most hated pop cultural phenomenon in recent history? Again, no. They're thinking more like a 10-picture slideshow, with publicity stills from The Simple Life and some other widely released paparazzi photos. How news-y. No wonder the paper is such a Pulitzer farm. We can't wait for tomorrow's photo collage of Nicole Richie's weight loss.

Paris Hilton: The Road to Infamy [LAT]

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