Balsa—the thinnest, softest wood—rates at about 100. Eastern White Pine's a 380 and Hemlock is a 500. Those are all fairly soft woods.

Brazilian walnut is one of the hardest woods, at 3684. Ebony rates a 3220, and red oak is at the low-middle end, with 1290. Which wood would compare to Paul Janka's hardness most accurately?

We'd guesstimate—a very uneducated guess—somewhere around the hardness of sycamore. Look it up.

First, examine the photograph's composition. The large, half-melted white candle in the foreground is clearly a phallic symbol. The martini glass containing a pink liquid beside represents fertility and is frankly vaginal.

Janka is leaning forward—an aggressive posture—with his elbows on his knees. That studied casualness indicates ambivalence, as does the dismissive way in which he's touching his face. He's interested, but not that interested. It is important, however, for him to maintain a dominant posture for the other cougars in the room. He is not making eye contact, however. Until he does, nobody will be getting laid.

"Earlier tonight, at about a quarter till eleven to be precise, I headed over to Shake Shack in Madison Square Park for a burger (little tip...if you ever want a SS burger and wish to avoid standing in line for an hour, walk up a few minutes before closing time...I usually get my food in under 10 minutes.) I entered the park on the east side at 24th street and was walking down through the park to get my food when I suddenly heard the voice of a man sitting on one of the benches along the walkway. He spoke very loudly, almost as if he were intentionally projecting in the hope that everyone in the park and its vicinity would hear his words...

"Whenever I'm at home and I have a girl in my bed..."

My immediate reaction, before even glancing over in his direction to get a look at him, was that this guy, whoever he was, was the Babe Ruth of cheesedicks. You know how you can come in contact with someone, even from afar, and you just know all there is to know about them immediately, like within a matter of seconds? Well that's what happened here, all within the span of a few walking steps. I made a snap judgment on this guy, someone who obviously wanted everyone to know that he has sex WITH GIRLS, and he screamed one thing...

Cheesedick.

And then I actually looked over in his direction as I passed him and had my snap judgment confirmed. Who should be sitting on a bench in Madison Square Park on this fine Monday night bloviating about his sexual relations? Well it was none other than your boy, Paul Fucking Janka!!!

Janka was with another guy, presumably his wing, and two youngish looking girls, one white and one black. After I placed my order, I drifted back into the area of Janka and his crew to eavesdrop. I got the impression that Janka and his buddy had just met the two girls. It also seemed to me that the girls were either visiting NYC or had recently moved here. One of them even had her suitcase with her in the park. I couldn't help but feel sorry that they'd been cornered by this cartoonish twat. What a great first impression of New York men! And does he ever talk about anything other than sex?

So then my little buzzer thingie went off signifying that my order was ready. After I picked it up, I headed out of the park taking the same route in which I entered. As I passed Janka and his crew, the girls appeared to be saying their goodbyes. The last thing I heard was a male voice asking for a phone number, followed by this question...

"We're all still friends here, right?"

In that moment I wondered just how many Paul Janka goodbyes had previously ended with the same question."

Thanks, Cajun! Everyone else—be sure to send in your sightings, if you are unfortunate enough to have them.

Since my book came out, I've been flooded with
emails from guys requesting one on one coaching.

So I've decided to host a once in a lifetime
seminar and really get into the nitty gritty of
charisma, communication and day game.

The seminar is called "Rock Solid Game," and
it's all about becoming a fearless, unshakable,
and confident man that women find IRRESISTIBLE.

While we're going to get into the specifics as
they relate to meeting women, the goal of the
seminar is to provide the tools necessary to
become the kind of guy that is action-oriented,
proactive, and gets exactly what he wants out of
life.

The seminar is going to be held at the posh
Gansevoort Hotel in New York City. With the
greatest city in the world as our playground, I
KNOW it will be a GREAT time.

I've already had a TON of emails from guys who
want to attend the event, but I'm not letting
anyone register early, since that wouldn't be fair.

So if you want to take your game to the next
level, and become absolutely UNSTOPPABLE with
women, then make sure you're in front of your
computer on Thursday at 12:00pm EST.

Why do you need to know the time?

Well, we can only fit 50 people into the seminar
room, so we're only going to be accepting 50
registrations.

And since demand has been EXTREMELY high, I'm
anticipating that seats will sell out VERY quickly.

If you miss out on the registration, it's
unlikely that I will ever be doing a seminar like
this again.

I don't mean to be so "high pressure" about it,
but I just don't want anyone to miss out who
really wants to attend the event. The fact is
that invitations to this seminar will be sent out
to thousands of people, and only 50 lucky guys
will be able to attend.

If you have any questions, just shoot me an
email and I'll do my best to get back to you.

Again, watch you inbox on Thursday around
12:00pm EST for an invitation to my upcoming
"Rock Solid Game" seminar that's scheduled for
August 30th and 31st.

To The Good Life,
Paul Janka

on friday night i was out in sheepshead bay for
a fishing trip birthday party thing (don't ask). on our way back i saw this
dude sucking face with a girl in a shiny yellow dress under the entrance to
the subway. i said, "oh, that looks like serial womanizer/[alleged attempted] date rapist paul
janka, but it couldn't be, because he never leaves his house for dates!"
minutes later, as we waited on the platform, said face sucker bounded up
the steps and my friend gasped. it was paul janka! he sat down next to us.
the group of six of us began whispering excitedly at our douchebag siting.
janka began squirming, stood up and moved several meters down the platform.
apparently he's been forced to the outer reaches of brooklyn for pussy
these days!

Ugh. At least the woman in question wasn't lured into an enclosed space with Janka.

From MeterReader:
"I use to WORK with this asshole and I can say that this surprises me not in the least. I'm not blaming this girl and I hope like hell they charge PJ, but why does there need to be a continued "Is he really like this?" fascination with the guy? Yes. He is really that much of a smug, sleazy SOB, so can we please stop spelunking into his UES cave of doom?"

From allyzay:
"i am hoping that she has contacted an authority besides gawker?"

From RStewie:
"Well, I hope she's going to press charges. This world does NOT need another smug asshole getting away with this bullshit just because "she should have known she was only on that date to fuck him." Which is basically what he's saying...I guess her meeting up with him was quasi-consent in his mind?"

From SusanKeats:
"@KillBuzzington: Given the fact that she clearly had no idea that he was going to be physically aggressive at all, I don't think it's fair to blame her choice here (Nor, actually, do I think it is ever fair to blame the victim of a sexual assault). I think probably what she was thinking was less that she was going to hang out with a pile of shit, and more that she was curious as to what somebody known for being really smooth with the ladies is like on a date. Kind of a "how does he do it?" type attitude. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe she's a bit more masochistic than that, but I personally think it would be interesting to see what exactly it is that makes this guy so "successful" in dating. (Answer, as it turns out: rape.)"

From Multiphasic:
"She went to his apartment?" seems to be the mantra here, as if one should assume that once that front door clicks, the pants tumble down like the walls of Jericha, and it's praise the Lord and helloooo Mr. Happy! As opposed to the possibly more logical assumption that a guy might want to, I donno, watch a movie or make her dinner."

From HeatherNumber1:
"@clevernamehere: She's going to get a whole lot more of the 'You went upstairs to his apartment?' attitude found here if she presses charges."

From Eringowaaaah:
"As someone who's been there, my advice to Emily is to stop emailing Gawker and go to the cops. The longer she waits, the less chance justice will be served."

When he first contacted me I told him I was busy, then sick, then I ignored him. A few days ago I saw a Gawker post and realized that Paul was Paul Janka. Naturally, I wondered what it was like to hang out with a pile of shit, so I said we should hang out. I make bad decisions sometimes. And, in the spirit of poor judgement I agreed to go to his apartment. It wasn't like I was going to fall for some line and have sex with him. Gross. I found out too late that Paul Janka is not sweet talker, he's physically aggressive and refuses to acknowledge the word "no."

We sat on his couch talking - he only wanted to talk about sex and dating - for 30 minutes. He spent the entire time trying to put his hand on my leg only to have my brush it off. Finally he said, "You don't like me, do you?"

"No, not really." I agreed.

He told me that we should either have sex or I should leave. I said I would leave. I started to stand up and he pulled me backwards and pinned me against the couch. I tried to push him off me, but couldn't. He started touching my breasts and between my legs. I told him to let me go as I tried to deflect his hands. After a few minutes he let me up. I gathered my things. As I was putting on my shoes he came over and grabbed my face, he squeezed until it hurt and I couldn't move my head. The he shoved his tongue in my mouth. I pushed him off, went to the door, and was trying to unlock it when he came up behind me and wrapped one arm around my arms, making them immobile, and shoved the opposite hand down my pants. He tried to fucking finger me (unsuccessfully, I fought like a dog). I told him to stop. I struggled to get free. His only response was, "You're turned on, aren't you." He wouldn't let go. I managed to grab an umbrella propped against the wall next to me. I hit him and he backed off. I rushed out the door and I heard him laugh a little and call "bye" after me.

Either Paul Janka didn't understand that someone was seriously telling him to stop or he did and chose to ignore it. Both options are scary. Showtime might base a show on this man? Men take advice from him? He is disgusting and pathetic and potentially dangerous. Joking about this guys being an asshole is all fine and good, but if he's using physical force like this, damn it, that's not funny. There are so many amazing men running around, but it's always the worst examples of the male sex that tout themselves as experts with women.

Even less funny was Janka's reply when we asked for comment:

"I'd say going on a date under false pretenses is pretty underhanded, wouldn't you? I'm not interested in disputing her account, tit-for-tat. Suffice it to say she's spun it to serve her interests."

Although the most obvious answer is either a reality show or scripted reality, like "The Hills," it seems like more of an "'Entourage' rip-off" sort of affair. The reason? Dude isn't quite young enough for the reality machine—he's in his early 30s, and it's really only entertaining to watch pretty little twentysomethings run around making fools of themselves.

That said, the premise of the pilot is "Janka playing himself getting loads of pussy every episode."

I should mention the e-book's free 7-day trial.
[Attraction Formula]

I stupidly gave him my bcard, as he asked me out for drinks. Last night (sat) we had plans and basically he said he was in brooklyn and wouldnt be able to meet me till later. Tried to get me to his apt, but I said I dont go to men's apts. So we made plans to meet tonight and he said to come to his neighborhood. He I said ok and he said 68th and madison.When I got there I called and he said to come up (a la the Dec14th post email you guys put up). I said I already explained I couldnt do that and that he had to come down. He politely texted meback with "Im sorry I cant do that, sorry to have wasted your time." ...I randomly thought it sounded familiar soi googled him and then looked on Gawker..."

2:04PM(Girl) Let me know if you want to do something today/tonight?

2:12PM (Janka) Yes. Around 9? What did you do last night?

2:13PM (Girl) Watched the fugitive and went to sleep. 9 works.

6:01PM (Janka) I will be on 82nd street at 7:30. Ill come say hi.....

6:34PM (Girl) I am going to the gym! Sorry.

6:50PM (Girl) Do you still want to grab a drink at 9?

6:54PM (Janka) Yes. What time are you going to the gym and what time are you returning?

6:57PM (Girl) Im headed there now- should be home around 8:15.

8:23PM (Girl) So what's ur deal?

8:26PM (Janka) Let's meet in 30

8:54PM (Janka) Come here and we'll grab something

8:58pm (Girl) Come where? I need like 15 min got tied up on a con call

8:59PM (Janka) This neck of the woods. Nice night. You can walk it....

9:04PM (Girl) 68th and Madison?

9:004PM (Janka) Sounds good.

9:18PM (Girl) On my way- 10min

9:18PM (Janka) k

9:34PM (Girl) I'm around the corner be there in a sec

9:35PM (Janka) k

9:36PM (Girl) And you'll meet me where by outside MaxMara

9:40PM (Janka) [redacted] East 68th Apt [redacted]

9:40PM (Girl) I'm not coming up I told you that last night.....remember? Meet me downstairs

9:41PM (Janka) I can't do that. Sorry to have wasted your time.

He had Paul Janka face, but longer hair than in the Dr. Phil interview. He looked unwashed/unclean and was wearing a dirty/vintage corduroy jacket and gray cargo pants. He definitely stood out, because most everyone is scrubbed for work at that stop at 7:40 in the morning, and he was the only one that looked like he rolled out of bed after a three-day bender. Trademark Janka 7 o'clock shadow. He was with a cute/hipsterish black girl, and both had an awkward one-night-stand vibe. She talked non-stop and seemed a little nervous - couldn't hear what she was saying, but her mouth kept moving, even as the train went underground, and he didn't say a word. As we pulled into 59th St./Lex, they started awkwardly making out with lots of tongue (vomit) and I honestly contemplated missing my stop so I wouldn't have to brush up against him to get to the door. But he got out at 59 as well. He didn't look like he was going anywhere, but seemed to be pretty happy with himself.

Basically the whole show it was an orgiastic nightmare of discomfiting misogyny. Like most daytime TV!

Note: Janka clip moved to separate post not only to gin up views but also because our magic video thumbnailing machine doesn't seem to work when you put two clips in one post. Whee!

What we did: He came to my house at night, ordered sushi, sat on my couch and drank tea and talked. He touched my breasts in mid-sentence, completely out of context, and seemed distracted by them and sexual thoughts that would pop into his mind sporadically. He told me he hadn't showered in 4 days. I let him know I was appalled he'd come to my house with urine stained manties.

...After agreeing to flash him my tits quickly and letting him have one more cup of tea, he wiped down my coffee table, kissed the Mins, threw out my garbage and left around 3am. [Kelly just wrote to clarify: "The 'Mins' refers to my mini dachshund, appropriately named, 'MINI'. Janka and the Mini got on really well."]

I gave him a quick hug goodbye and felt bad when he said I made him feel dirty and bad. I wished him well and I really meant it.

Overall impression: A very smart, sweet guy who needs some sort of anchor and guidance in his life. A man who is deeply conflicted and needs sex addiction therapy and possibly meds.

Reason I went on the date: It started as a media joke; I wrote my last column as an open letter to him.... I was lonely and bored. He wanted to come over.

Thinking back—way back—I think it has always been about the ass for me. I remember being 5 years old and having a doctor's kit that had a plastic needle. At 5 I had been to the pediatrician many times and knew the needle was typically inserted into the ass cheek. However, at home when I was playing doctor with myself, I'd put the needle in my actual anus. I derived an odd sexual pleasure from it.

There was this:

My tight pink asshole is relaxed and ready for you, Paul. In fact, I can feel it blowing kisses your way as I type. [My editor will eat this up, and there is nothing better than having your editor eating up your pink asshole.]

I write about my tight starfish because I know, even while disgusted, people will be compelled to read. It doesn't matter if it is out of titillation or horror, want or need, we just want their eyes on the page and on us.

You are a genius with bedroom hair and a face made for riding. I can only imagine what the stubble must feel like against my smooth skin and hope to find out soon.

Outside the Box [NYP]

[13:41] Paul: sex is more exciting if a woman isn't entirely comfortable, i've found
[13:41] Paul: comfortable, gf sex is nice
[13:42] Paul: but it doesn't have that animal battling that occurs
[13:42] Paul: it's an act of domination really
[13:53] Sarah: would you rather never be able to sleep with anyone again but morbidly obese people, or eat a salad where the dressing was your dad's semen
[13:53] Paul: latter
13:54] Sarah: would you rather have your 5th grade science teacher sit and watch you have sex and do a play-by-play commentary, or have your grandmother masturbating in the corner
[13:55] Paul: former
[13:55] Sarah: have you ever had a male-male encounter
[13:55] Sarah: like, had sex with another man
[13:56] Paul: yes, experimented in high school
[13:56] Paul: middle school
[13:57] Sarah: what is the best thing a woman can do in bed
[13:57] Paul: the standard stuff plus
[13:57] Paul: like my ass
[13:57] Paul: deep throat
[13:57] Paul: let me spit in her face
[13:57] Paul: take it in the ass
[13:58] Paul: lick my ass, not like my ass, sorry
[13:58] Paul: would you rather drink a tablespoon of my cum
[13:58] Paul: that's been in the refrig for 2 weeks
[13:59] Paul: or have to blow a team of uncircumsized football players after a particularly sweaty match
[13:59] Sarah: uhh. ew.
[14:00] Sarah: would you go down on heidi klum knowing that her vagina tastes exactly like your dad's penis?
[14:00] Paul: No
[15:39] Paul: so i have a way for you to be a first for me
[15:39] Sarah: oh yea?
[15:39] Paul: it is degrading
[15:39] Paul: are you willing
[15:39] Paul: before you hear the detail
[15:40] Paul: no pain or sicknes
[15:40] Paul: ss
[15:40] Paul: nothing public/ruined reputation
[15:40] Sarah: sure
[15:40] Paul: just something i've always wanted to do
[15:40] Paul: we have to find the right location
[15:40] Paul: though, since my place doesn't work
[15:40] Paul: intrigued?
[15:40] Sarah: of course
[15:41] Paul: blumpkin*
[15:41] Sarah: why cant you do that in your house
[15:41] Paul: bathroom is tight

*Preliminary research indicates that a Blumpkin refers to an act of fellatio while the receiver is sitting on a toilet. It is not immediately apparent if the man must also be in the act of voiding but otherwise, how is it a big deal at all?