Gawker
"There are three things people think they know about Jessica Seinfeld, the semipublic wife of the popular comedian," writes Allen Salkin, who, though he wrote an entire book about the fake holiday Festivus, boasts no "personal or professional relationship" with the Seinfelds. The three things are: A) she met Jerry at a gym shortly after marrying a different rich dude, B) she was accused of plagiarism, and C) she thanked Oprah for a recent appearance with 21 pairs of designer shoes. In order to dispel these 'myths,' Jessica has now "grudgingly" consented to be interviewed. She starts by slamming "journalists." "I understand that there's nothing more satisfying to a journalist than to take someone like me who appears to have had an easy life and appears to have now hit the jackpot," she tells Salkin. Actually! There's one thing that's more satisfying: Watching someone who's trying desperately to revamp her image totally dig herself a deeper hole.
"Journalists get a lot of pleasure making me or someone in a situation like mine seem like god-awful people," Jessica continues, but whether or not that's the case, it seems certain that one thing journalists do not love is being lied to. Which is what Jessica did after it was first reported that she was seeing Jerry while still technically married to Eric Nederlander, telling the Daily News that "there's no romantic interest whatsoever."
Here's how she excuses herself for that oopsie: "I had never been in a gossip column before, and I was completely unprepared for what was about to happen. I was a 26-year-old trying to gracefully correct a mistake in judgment."
She was only 26 years old!
She does get a little more traction from her effort to make it seem less like she merely upgraded from one rich dude to another—Allen says she characterized her relationship with Eric as "irretrievably broken" before she met Jerry, and her sister is quoted as saying that she came back from her honeymoon and moved in with their grandmother. Unfortunately, though, Eric's still not on board with his version of the story. "She's trying to make the past look like it never existed, so people don't look at her anymore as a bad person."
Oof. So can we still manage to spin that tacky gift to one of the richest women in the world? Well, for starters, "A spokeswoman for Ms. Seinfeld said the shoes' actual value was less than $10,000, not in the $20,000 neighborhood." Much better! And: "I guess I gave an over-the-top gift for an over-the-top move on Oprah's part for putting me on her show... Tell me, what would you get Oprah?"
Um, a $10,000 donation to one of the zillion deserving charities she supports?
Comments
You'd think that after becoming Mrs. Seinfeld she would have somehow just lived off the riches and STFU about it all. But no. She needs to be famous in her own right. Even if it brings up her past How convenient also that her book was scheduled to come out at around the same time that atrocious Bee movie. Fame-whorishness is a bitch. She can't help it.
What's wrong here: your husband used to be a really famous celebrity, your cookbook is at the top of one of the Times' numerous best seller lists, and the best you can do for an endorsement quote is Billy Norwich?
Moved her stuff to grandma's. I loved that one. Everyone knows you take the china and best gifts and hide them before you move out! Score one for the cheap *itch.
Journalists also love cookies. And belly rubs. And finding crisp five-dollar bills they'd forgotten about in the pockets of their freshly laundered pants. Sure, and pot-shots at wives of celebrities. But we're humans first, by god. We're humans first.
I liked it a lot better when we didn't hear from the Seinfelds. Stupid Bee Movie. Stupid cookbook. Please go away and enjoy being filthy rich without us.
I'd bake the $10,000 into chicken nuggets then give them to oprah
It's amazing how in the article she alluded to being the gatekeeper to get to Jerry.
No, no no. What journalists love to do is take apart high-maintenance, plagerizing golddiggers who decide to plop themselves on the world stage and then whine like a two year-old when people start looking a litte closer at their spoiled lifestyles. Being an idiot helps the narrative. Case in point -- you marry some really rich guy and then you break up DURING the honeymoon? That's Britney-esque. Then, wallowing in your anguish you manage to bump into Jerry Seinfeld, and wind up doing the reverse cowboy before the city clerk has time to file your marriage license. In a world populated mostly by people who will never bestow a gift of shoes on Oprah and live paycheck to paycheck, you are newspaper column gold, baby.
@Truculent: Reverse cowboy is a terrible position. I don't know why people still do it.
the Eric comment is priceless.
"She's trying to make the past look like it never existed," he said, "so people don't look at her anymore as a bad person."
too late smart, as my grandmother used to say.
There's nothing quite as romantic as the word "jackpot."
That article made me laugh out loud. Not since Alberto Gonzales committed perjury, have I seen a person who's so clearly lying - and doing it very badly. If Jessica Sklar Nederlander Seinfeld thought the article was going to clear her name, she ought to think again.
Ew. At least this might serve as a lesson to all the other talentless fame-whoring women in calculated marriages to rich bores.
Don't try to spin it, doll, just enjoy the money and keep your trap shut.
@Pope John Peeps II: but do you know why they used to do it?
@Truculent: I think that you mean reverse cowgirl. Jerry doesn't do the cowboy. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Carolyn Bessette took it the worst in the article. Judith Nathan ought to thank her PR agent.
"I know people think she's this gold-digging social climber," said Allyson Lieberman, a friend of Ms. Seinfeld's since college at the University of Vermont and a former editor at The New York Post. "But the girl has worked every day of her life since she graduated from college. It's not like she's sitting back in her house eating bonbons and wearing furry slippers."
Talk about being damned with faint praise. Oy!
@hypocriteoath: No! And I suspect the answer will be humorously educational! Like I picture snooty British private schools to be.
@Pope John Peeps II: Yes, but it's so DIRTY.
Who wudda thought
-- Mrs Seinfeld tries to GRACEFULLY correct her mistakes in judgement
-- The most graceful way to try to revamp your image is to lash out at journalists--to the journalist interviewing you
-- Eric is STILL NOT ON BOARD the SS MrsSeingfeldgracefulcorrection
-- Oprah has a shoe fetish (food substitute?)
@RufusV2: Yes, in my rush to spew bitterness all over the screen, I failed to check my copy for gender correctness. I also managed to avoid the plethora of Jewish girl/sex jokes that came to mind
@Pope John Peeps II: Duh, they do it so the guy can watch the girl's ass while she rides him.
I hear she asked Eric to publicly announce that she is not a golddigger but seeing as she signed already it's too lates.
michael richards is LOVING all this.
if only she'd been a low talker.
There's nothing wrong with her logic. I frequently (and successfully) use the "But I'm only 26!" defense - at work, in bed and at the Precinct House.
I miss Shoshanna.
I'm confused. Which one is Jerry?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm. I do wonder what her hidden talent is. (She seems very different than Shoshona.)
@oovy: I wonder if Jerry does, too.
@atipofthehat: Shoshana?
@collegecallgirl: Well, stupid me for only having sex with girls whose faces I can stand to look at. Also, it feels lousy to me, but if you like it then hey? Who am i?
Her snapper must be mink-lined, because for the life of me I cannot fathom what the attraction is to her, Seinfeld or no Seinfeld.
I actually know a couple of ex-Seinfeld GF's. The common denominators? Nice tits and not terribly bright. Way to keep the streak alive, Jerry.
She must give the best head ever.
Meeting my ass, she was stalking jerry at the reebok gym.
@collegecallgirl: Sometimes hot, sometimes not. Requires some skill.
@BettyCrocker: Wow! Ever since college? She's struggled .
@BettyCrocker: From the New York Times, announcing the wedding of Jessica Sklar and Eric Nederlander: "The bride, 26, was until recently the licensing manager for the entertainment group at Golden Books Family Entertainment."
She left her job to plan for her wedding to Nederlander. Once she dumped him for Seinfeld, of course she had to get another job - which she promptly left once she got pregnant.
How is that working "every day of her life," Allyson Lieberman? The main problem for Seinfeld, is that the only way to defend her is by lying, but the lies are so pathetically obvious (and so clearly contradict the record of what happened) that Jessica's defenders look almost as bad as she does. Maybe that's the reason her BFF, Sarah Jessica Parker, has stayed silent. Smart girl.
As an interesting side note: the author of this piece wrote a Festivus book, which was based upon the Seinfeld episode written by Dan O'Keefe, who actually celebrated the holiday with his family, and wrote his own book on the subject. So Salkin and Sklar have something in common: repackaging some else's idea for their first book! He also was Lisa Loeb's second date on her reality show, so he's been know to latch onto a celeb himself!
@24-7: hey hustling is a job, and she's working overtime.
@24-7:
That is a good post. Give me a hug.
Also if you're 26 and you've worked "every day of your life since graduating college" doesn't that add up to.....4 or 5 years at most. Wow Jessica, just wow.
@Pope John Peeps II: I enjoy looking at every part of the lovely women with whom I have sex -- from there face down to their toes and everything in between. So, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, whatever... so many ways to enjoy!
Who gives a shit how she treated her ex-husband? The point is that the woman does squat with her life and is a stupid bucking bore. That's what makes her contemptible.
Lame-Ass Book + Lame-O Movie=Really Important To Finally (But, Ooh, Grudgingly!) Set The Record Straight Interview.
Sit back, lady, put 30-40 years on yourself and give a shitload of $$ to the poor for shoes they can actually wear. Then maybe people will like you a little. Meantime, vegetables blow and now go away.
NinaNinaNinaNinaNinaNinaNina.....
Oooh. And does anyone else want to hurl when they see the words "until recently" in NYT wedding announcements? I have a visceral negative reaction to any woman who in this day and age leaves a job to plan a wedding. It's up there with the MRS degree.
What's up with mediocre comedians riding a reasonably funny sitcom to 9 years of syndicated bliss so that they can marry other dude's wives and never be funny again? Don't you hate when that happens?
Eh...must have been the delivery.
@24-7: She quit her job to plan her wedding? What a twat.
She was a PR professional -- she knew *exactly* what to tell the Daily News at their first query about her and Seinfeld. She had to keep that story going until she was sure Seinfeld would take her on if she left Nederlander.