Columbia University might want to rethink that hasty decision to take a pass on summer team-building retreats for staffers. Maybe some ropes course training or a little "Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board," would have upped the love between two different pairs of its fine educators, who have been bitch-slapping each other around for years. Charges of bad-mouthing; jockeying for position; insinuations of intra-office noose-hanging (and whatever happened to those security tapes, by the way?); rumor-spreading; sabotage, "Machiavellian ouster" schemes—God, we so love "Gossip Girl," it's totally, like, the best show on television. What will go down tonight, when the outgoing president of Barnard hosts a public dinner to talk about recent incidents? Staff food fight?

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