In an article delineating its glaring omissions of the year, Slate's Explainer feature ("Answers to your questions about the news") offers up this gem:

I met a 40-year-old stripper back in February of this year. We had a special connection. Yet, she was homeless, going through a divorce and bankruptcy. She has three kids who live in Alabama and she pays $500 a month in child support. Moreover, she used cocaine. At one point, she was arrested for forgery. She spent a month in jail but was released under the condition that she become a narc for the police department. She gave the names of her dealers and would wear wires when drug deals were going down. I let her stay at my place and kept food in the refrigerator. This past Monday she took all her clothes, my money, and left. The night before, she hung out with some friends. I called her, and she said I was too good for her. She said she had never been treated so well. She said she would drag me down and she couldn't bear to handle that. I told her my hopes and dreams the night before. I wonder if I scared her off. I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if she met someone else the night before and doesn't want to tell me. It's killing me inside. I cried for her. I really cared for her. Can you give me some advice?

Now, we don't doubt that it was a slow day over at West 57th when whatever deputation of editors crafted this query, but clearly they could have done better. So we put it to you: What blatantly bullshit scenario would you submit to Slate's Explainer with the knowledge that it'd never be answered? Put your question to us in the comments, or send it to the regular address: We'll do our best to answer the best, obviously fake, one. By the way, the answer to this question is a hearty "Fuck yeah," so don't bother asking.

The Questions We Never Answered [Slate]

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