My sister said to me recently: "Doesn't Heidi's boyfriend look like what would happen if a Ken doll and Chucky had a kid?" After I spurted out white wine all over myself, I heartily agreed.

Maybe we can make them move to one of those Taliban caves. I'd watch that show.

@preppylouche: That would be convenient, because they could still call it "The Hills."

spencer pratt: best. aptronym. ever?

WHAT ABOUT THE WEDDING?

Does anyone else think that LC complains perhaps a tad too much for someone who has been on numerous reality shows for simply being at the right place at the right time? Those places and times being Laguna Beach High School circa 2004.

@GorgeousGeorge: Think of the synergies! And isn't that American Taliban kid from California, too?

I thought that guy in the picture was Tad Hypocritical.

@GorgeousGeorge:
Wesleyan has "THE hill", we should just send them there seeing as they would fit right in.

@LolCait: Add the phrase "greasy motherfucker" in there somewhere, and I, too, would agree whole heartedly.

Oh, and club soda should get that wine RIGHT out. Still investigating whether it will do the same thing to the Hills.

Does Pratt have eyelids?

@Huitzi: Yeah, but you have to lay him down on his back to get them to close.

@LolCait: I'm curious to read your thoughts on what their children will look like.

@epg: They will only have one child, a tranny version of Jonathan Lipnicki.

@LolCait: And whose heritage will they blame their ass on?

Nobody and her fiancé Who the Hell bashed Unjustly Famous on the Inoffensively Talentless show, and Destroying Kids' Souls With Crass Commercialism complained. That's quite a scoop for Half-Truths About People You've Seen Pictures Of Weekly.

So it seems that Spencer Pratt is this year's Brandon Davis.
Creepy - check. Shiny/Greasy - check (although Davis wins the gold medal in that category). Inexplicably gets women to sleep with him - check. Fan of the derogatory vag-comment - check.

@epg: Obviously confused, Pratt will blame the ass on the "Puertomenians."

If you must know, Spencer has gone postal because MTV refused to promote Heidi's fledgling singing career via scenes he wanted filmed of her in the recording studio making her new single. Basically, Spencer's Heidi money-train is going to hell in a handbasket, and he is pissed, causing the unusual MTV reaction to what should be free publicity.

Looks like someone put Smilex in the Max Factor again.

@TedSez:

I would totally subscribe to your tabloid magazine, dude. And that just sounded...so wrong.

He looks like Beavis, but without the charm. Or braces.

I've never seen a horse with zebra stripes before.

what do you call one? a hora? zebse?

@LolCait: I think you and your sister should have your own little regis & kelly type morning variety show. I already have a mental note to DVR the whole season.

Do you ever sometimes look at a person on TV and go, "I think I know what they smell like," and then scruntch up your nose and get all judgemental? Because surely it isn't good. But then you're like, maybe I'd sleep with you still because that's not what you really smell like in real life, right Spencer? Then you look at the table and there's an empty bottle of wine and Starburst wrappers all over you.

Not that I don't love you, bubbeleh, but.. you don't think giving these twatwaffles a couple of column inches to whine about how they get too many column inches might be a tad hypocritical too?

@barette: holy shit! while i wouldn't sleep w/spence if his were the last meat on earth, i'm a little scared that you live in my head, and w/the empty bottle of wine and ravaged starbursts, apparently my apartment too...

@TedSez: Ted, that was absolutely stunning. Will you please tell us when your scripts/screenplays/articles/stories/novels/whatevers are playing/being published so we can fawn over them and say "I knew Ted when"?

@ellagood: It's a "zorse", actually. I can't believe that little piece of useless information just came in handy.

@KarenUhOh: All my best work is in Dog Fancy.

Um, have we discussed Audrina's new boyfriend b/c he may be able to compete with Spencer. What a loser.

LC had a meltdown in the MTV offices last week, and threatened to leave the show unless the execs ditched the monster that is spencer & heidi. so this is MTV baby-steppin' towards that to keep their main "star" happy.