Saying: "Inclusion in any culture other than the one we were making together no longer mattered to me" is grounds for a rally outside of your dorm room on most campuses.

True story: My best friend told his kids about Christmas's roots in Saturnalia and all the drunken gay sex involved. Needless to say, they are the coolest kids I know.

Willy Wonka is...what the...so, you're saying...oh...my...God...wait, what??!

Excuse me for a minute.

...

bang

I kind of respect the mom honesty. I hope to be an insane and brutally honest mommy someday, torrid sex included.

Oh good, she's teaching her kids how to be condescending asshats, "out of respect for [others'] limitations." That will so not get them beat up when they get older.

"Then, in March or April, I shoot a rabbit just to show that kids that it bleeds, and is not carrying chocolate. For the Fourth of July last year I dropped them out of a helicopter into the middle of Kirkuk and had them find their own way home. Then we ate cinnamon buns."

Did anyone else see this thing Chabon wrote for Details or some other such boy magazine a couple months ago, about how he is a hermit with few friends who is capable of being bullied into interpersonal relations?
It explained this marriage, and made me hugely depressed, all in less than 1,000 words.

I hear that he's given her five orgasms, one of them huge!

Oh, and like the Jews are a bunch of skeptics. Manna from heaven? Red Sea parting because some old coot with a staff told it to do so? Methuselah living 900-plus years?

Hebrew, please!

Funny, I taught my children that her family, though not very sweet and overly cynical, should not be the only kids to be abused on the playground. Lesson hasn't seemed to stick though.

In the culture I come from, we would replace "sweet but gullible" with "getting to enjoy their goddamn childhood."

I want to punch her in the face. Redundant, I know, but it had to be said.

Ayelet? More like Ayeletdown!

I nominate Ayelet Waldman for Douche du Jour.

And I hope she reminds then daily that they're going to die someday.

Although Cindy-Lou Who does exist though, too bad she's such a thoughtless bitch

@SarahHeartburn: good one

"They believe in Santa because they're all mildly retarded, sweetie. And it isn't nice to laugh at retards, now, is it?"

The kind of culture I have made with myself has declared my kind of culture's version of a culture war on the kind of culture they have made together.

I want to smack her for her hair alone, let alone anything else.

Aylet has to say that, 'vital, even torrid,' how else would you describe a husband who comes home, his boxers dripping with a slurry of another man's goo and his own poo? She's a beard and a whore.

what a self-absorbed little twatsicle.

what an underminer.

I (unfortunately) read the article that Emily linked to and it was all about how Ayelet (shudder) pities other moms because they have no life outside of their children. She is better than they are, because she has no life outside of her husband. Wow, she is so healthy!

I'm sick of these rich, clannish, anti-American people with their weird rituals and too much power, who think they're better than everyone else.

Y'know, writers.

Out of respect for my limited abilities, please do not do any of the following:
1. speak
2. reproduce, anymore at least
3. rob anymore oxygen from us
4. be seen in public

Fee free to:
1. crawl under a rock
2. stop breathing
3. hook up with JFP
4. pay taxes

@layladylan: "But I can imagine no joy without my husband."

I mean, Kavalier & Clay was pretty good, but c'mon.

I think we should respect Ayelet's delusion that she has some literary talent and didn't get published just because she "lives with her husband, the novelist Michael Chabon," as she likes to point out wherever she goes.

Is my family the only one who had a Nietzsche tree? You know what we decorated it with?--nothing.

Wow, how totally fresh--raising non-Santa kids in a Santa culture. Check back articles of Ladies' Home Journal for possible cribs . . .

Spiked hot cocoa to anyone who finds the Chabon Details article online, btw.

@CodePink: That sounds super, man.

I think Ayelet has done a fabulous job of priming her kids to be Best Pretentious Pals with Elijah Pollock. Oy vey.

@grandmoffbastard:
We also sent out Easter cards that said "God Is Dead."

@Furious_George: My favorite comment ever!

@CodePink: Me too. Then three days later we sent the ones that said "Just kidding!"

@CodePink: I keep telling my fiancée we're serving our kids hassenpfeffer on Easter. And little tiny chicken wings.

Am I the only person who never believed in Santa as a kid? My parents tried to convince me, but seriously, even at age 3, I knew that story did not hold up. I kept my big mouth shut, though, not out of respect for anyone's delusions but due to the sure instinct that playing along with this farce = more toys.

@CodePink: I remember one year on Mother's Day my mom actually gave me and my sister a card.

It said "I'm a man wearing a wig. This is not your home."

Oh, man. That just reeks of Christmas-envy. You're not fooling anyone Ayelet.

@CodePink: I did not have a Neitzche tree, but I just never believed in Santa Claus. I told this to a Santa at my mother's office (her boss) and he continued to refer to me throughout the night as that girl under the table reading her Nietzshe. Which would have made me cool, but I was more into Colorforms.

Let's see: Ayelet Waldman is loud and crass, has made a career out of exploiting her children in public ("my daughter was ugly when she was born," "if my four children died I'd be OK," "my eight-year-old son think he's gay"), has about as much talent as a rock, dresses like she's married to a truck driver, wears pigtails that would look ridiculous in a woman half her age, and is a patronizing bitch… Way to go, Michael.

Exclusion is the new inclusion.

Can we put Ayelet and Jessica Seinfeld in a blender and just call it a day? Yuck.

@LolCait:
That's the way to do it, though, all truth, all the time.

@CodePink: Must be exhausting.

@pinch_vintage:
To be honest, we did not have a Nietzche tree. And I believed in Santa until I was like eleven. So now I tell lies like my parents told me lies. But I still like presents.

@Sally Tomato: Great idea! The Seinfeld and Chabon children are going to be in rehab or jail before they turn 18 anyway, so who cares if they believe in Santa?

The truth is they can't afford to pay their mortgage and make the car payments, so they get out of buying the little crumb snatchers Christmas gifts by telling them Santa is a fraud. Heartless assholes.

@Furious_George: where do i email commies to? lolcait@yahoo.com?

@Cesare_the_Somnambulist: Thank you. :)

Now, can someone please tell me if it's supposed to be pronounced "Ayel-ett" or "Ayel-ay?"

My years of high school French have conditioned me to pronounce it "Ayelay" whenever I read her name. But my spotty knowledge of Hebrew nomenclature tells me that it's more likely pronounced "Ayelett."

Help a brotha out.

I heard Santa gave Ayelet a stocking full of coal last christmas and by twelfth night she had a new tennis bracelet! But maybe I'm just gullible...

She's vile.

@Furious_George: It's pronounced I-Yell-It. Which is very appropriate for someone as obnoxiously loud as Waldman.

"Gullible, Limitations, delusions". She's talking about children, but sounds like an unwitting self-portrait. Wotta creep. Ugh.

Hubby ain't that spank-worthy either. Hugely overrated.

children, your christian friends are sweet, but dumb. kinda like labrador retrievers.

Sadly, little Sophie will never know the magic of running to open the door for Elijah, only to return to a freshly emptied glass.