Gawker
Each week, our commenters blab and blab and blab. We used to reward them arbitrarily with a night in our Gold Star Motel. But that was just to get them to shut up. Who will listen to them? Who will care? Not us! But we know who cares: Crazed uber-commenter — and Gawker employee! Oh, the scandal! — LolCait cares!
O hai. U can has funee commentz? Of curse. U has many commentz this week. Is prety gret, aktully. Here. Ur commentz:
"Being late for work reminds me of every abortion I ever got."
Actually, really, your work all week. It's been scrumtrulescent.
"nothing fried ever comes with a side of sadness. ever."
Just goes to show that you don't need to capitalize to be completely, 100% right.
"I found most of these comments rather pedestrian. Too boring for me!"
Is it weird to pick a Commie from last week's Commies? Eh. Fuck it.
"See this ring?
Genuine topaz. My mother's birthstone.
Know how I paid for it?
Manwhoring.'
Also, is 'Sheila McClear' another one of Balk's body parts I should know about?"
Yes.
"I'd like to get an observatory for my home, but it'd clash with my solid gold sex doll, that Britney crowning sculpture I picked up at Galapagos all those months ago and the area rug fashioned from the pubic hair of albino Aborigines. That'd be tacky."
Hah! And, whee! Two weeks in a row! U has a funee.
Okay. That's all. Really, everyone did well this week. Everyone does well every week. Thanks for being nice about who I really am. (Yes, even you BrianVan.) And a special sniffly goodbye to Mr. Alexandra Balk, who will be missed for a few minutes.
Happy long weekend! Yay Native Americans! Sort of!
Comments
Yay Code Pink! Called it!
God, you are good at this, LolCait. I think ellagood's belongs in Bartlett's, frankly. So pithy, so inarguably true.
I just want to thank the academy known as LolCait, my mother, my father for making me famous, and most importantly, Baal. You're my man, Unholy One. I knew all those prayers and sacrifice(s) would pay off in the long run! Giuliani '08, bitches! Woooo!
i can has elijah's rel naem?
top of page
[lolsecretz.blogspot.com]
u has anuthr faem!!!!!1!!!1
I love you so hard.
i actually removed my shift keys to make room for mini deep friers. can only do two fries at once, but fuck, it's worth it. mmm.
and yes, major props to codepink, my gawker f-buddy. stellar week.
Good work everyone! And congrats, LOLCait, on your new level of internet fame - being quoted on a site based on mashing up two memes.
@ElijahPollack: I am really starting to like you.
Oh my, so happy! Hooray! Thank you.
@mathnet: dis wrld b so smallz...
Gasp!!!!
So much happy at dear LolCait's recognition.
And so much sad at beloved Balk's leaving.
Definitely not gonna get over that whole bi-polar thing today...
PS Balk has now left the office.
[crumple life]
Why wouldn't we be nice? Who are you really? I will miss Balk and/or his cock (whichever one did the writing). But I still haven't gotten over the surprise that LOLCAIT isn't a woman. I don't know why.
@ellagood:
It's true--I have totally been sexually harassing you in the cyberworkplace all week. Congrats on the Commie, woman.
I'm so happy for all of you winners I'm gonna go do a giant speedball in the bathroom at my place of employment before going home ... congrats!
He left? It's not even a Jewish holiday.
(here to be gracious, in the place of Brian Van, is Sacheen Littlefeather)
"you are vewwwy welcome! Bye."
This is still the worst feature ever. And these grapes still taste funny.
@LolCait: Please tell me you LoJack'd him.
@mathnet: Not until the gag runs out of steam. So in other words, next Friday prolly.
@Conbon: Not nice!
But you're right, it's awful.
@LolCait: Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
Also, you look really hot today.
Damn these mood swings!
@GothamTomato: I'm sure you meant that ironically. But, ironically, it's actually Simchat Torah today.
Still no excuse, Balk! Sob!
@LolCait: I think you may have missed his point?
Speaking of not nice, it seems there's been a glitch in the Gawker system because you're not, not nice enough (which I mean in the nicest way poss).
@DorothyMantooth: I thought that was yesterday. Oh well.
@mcginstein: Haa. Yeah, I think I get his reference now. Or at least I get that it's a reference. And yes, it might be nice to not be so not not nice someday. And um. I have no idea what I'm talking about.
All I can hope is that Gawker posts more about Neal Pollack and myself. Without that, I'm destined to fade into utter obscurity.
@GothamTomato: Yeah, yesterday was something, too. As was Wednesday, according to my calendar.
(I am the Worst. Jew. Evar!)
@mcginstein: You're the only one who understands me.
@ElijahPollack: I can't look at your commenter name and pic without smiling and almost giggling.
@Conbon: I'M SORRY! i wuvs u.
@HookerfaceAnon: I know. I am just the worst kind of person.
Congrats all. LOLCait, help us ease the pain of Balk's departure.
Hey, LoLCait, not only do you have a sweet sense of humor, but your taste in awards shows a big sweet (but sharp as a lemon) heart. We mourn Balk, but you pick us up and send us on our way. Monday will be rough, but I'm sure that by Friday next, the bumptiousness will kick in again, thanks to you. The family will regroup and go on, ever stronger. Here's to more of the same, with a new kick. Besos y abrasos, cariño.
@ElijahPollack: @HookerfaceAnon: Somebody this week (sorry I can't remember who) replied to ELIJAHPOLLACK: "everytime you break character daddy loves you a little less" and I just want to say that I thought that was hilarious.
@shesaidwhat: Also, of course, congrats comrades! These were hysterical. but all of these winners have been making me laugh since I started.
@shesaidwhat: Yeah, that was funny. But you know what? I don't have to fucking impress him or anyone. I mean, yeah, I am thankful to him for making me famous (I never would have banged Apple Paltrow-Martin if it weren't for that,) but once I turn 18, I am such a ghost.
@shesaidwhat: It was CollegeCallGirl on this post.
@ElijahPollack: Isn't it past your bedtime?
@MisterHippity: (In Character) Um, in California it's only 6:50. I blog in bed, though. Don't tell.
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