Three-month calendars: the gift that keeps on giving!

Are they a newspaper, or a small liberal arts college at Homecoming?

Charles Isherwood just bought a dozen one-piece outfits for babies. For himself.

Ooh, just think! You could be the only one on the beach with a brand new towel this January! Won't everyone be jealous when they haul your frozen carcass out of Long Island Sound and find a fluffy, remaindered Mervyn's beach towel fixed to your hide with permafrost!

Is "onesie" a bad word now?

@LolCait:

For his cats.

The three-month calendar would be the perfect gift for the person you're screwing so it's just clean and simple with no confusion. When it expires, so do we. And the Circle of Wang continues unabated.

Three-month calendar, because you will most likely be out of a job by then.

my kids will only wear two pieces. they'll be sluts just like their daddy.

Jayson Blair gave each of his editors a Wool Pullover.

On each day of the desk diaries, there's a classic correction by Alessandra Stanley and a liberal limerick by Frank Rich. Oh yes, and a "favorite thing" by Frank Bruni. For example, on St. Patrick's Day: green four-leaf clover-shaped hard baguettes!

@TheHonJudgeSmails: Lovely hats, those.

@The Real JR: The cirrrrrcle! It's the circle of waaaaaaang! Schwing!

I did this once. Ex gf worked at US Robotics and they were selling thier logo crap too. Got some real nice pens, retail was like $90 at the time for $5 each. I figured out nail polish remover would take the logo right off! Just a tip.

This reminds me of when we were in kindergarten and we had that Santa's Secret Workshop (really a fundraising racket) thing where you could buy gifts for your family. It was all stuff like mugs with "I Love Daddy" or oven mitts. This is almost exactly the same thing. Funny how working for the Times brings you full circle.

What do desks need diaries for?
Dear diary, today the cleaning lady spent a little too much time rubbing oil on my legs. I'm so torn; I enjoyed it, but I actually feel dirtier now.

My hubby works for the NYTimes and if he brings any of this crap home I'm getting a divorce! But I'd gladly take the beach towel so the nice cabana boy in Miami could rub oil all over my body.

@LolCait:

For one sec I was concerned that his feelings would be hurt, but he'll never read this, as he's "fiercely averse to audience participation." (Something about the onesie/baby image made me Google him.)

[images.google.com]

pens? PENS? [grabs hat & handbag, rushes out the door]

@Seeräuber Jenny: Hairless cats. 12 Hairless cats.

@spirit fingers: I bought my mother a pair of white porcelain cats with pink bows around their necks at a "santa's secret workshop" circa 1993. She sold them at a garage sale for 25 cents each the following summer.

@BalknChain: Killed me. Thank you.

I think Simon Rich's best Christmas present was his father allowing him to drop out of Harvard to enter pie-eating contests and become the world's most chronic masturbator.

@spirit fingers: So the NYT lobby is not really a small liberal arts college,then? It's kindergarten?

Actually they meant to send this email out of Dec 24th, at 3pm.

"Are you at work? Have you even bought presents yet?
Holy shit you totally suck. Don't panic, just go downstairs with the office petty cash and your problems will be solved!!!1!!"

Why pay some undisclosed sum of less than $80 when you can steal a mug from your floor's kitchen or some highlighters for free? The missus and the kiddies won't know the difference!

I just decided to give one-piece outfits for babies to every guy I have slept with in the past 9 months. It's the Christmas gift that freaks you the fuck out!

@collegecallgirl: Haaahahaha, well at least you didn't give them anything else!

You'd think they'd have newspaper subscriptions on that list.

At our workplace, the bosses got us this screen that sits on our desk. From this screen, we can access most any store in the world -- and then you pick out what you want from the store based on the pictures, type in some information, and in a few days, you get the item delivered directly to your desk. It is amazing. The New York Times should think about this idea.