I became a double manipulatee after someone put a surprise in the engine of my Impala.

For those of us who can't view videos at work ( I know! Fucking capitalist pigs!), would someone be a dear and provide a transcript? I want to know if what he came up with is more brilliant than, "no, I mean, I guess you look good in that. Yeah. I mean, no wear it, for real, wear it. It's fine. I mean, what does it matter, anyways? It's not like you're trying to pick someone up, is it?"

I love surprises.

I made the decision to shoot my ex-husband, but I was sure to yell, "Surprise" first.

Anyone hear that sound last night? It was the sound of a hundreds of thousands of pussies getting wet at the same time as they watched this.

Women LOVE jerks.

Nice to see the Chester Alan Arthur look is coming back.

I am confident one of Spencer's surprises for Heidi itches alot and burns when she pees.

If I try that weak shit on the wife tonight -- "Honey! The $15k I just dropped on this new 71 inch plasma isn't a decision! It's a surprise!" -- I will get a shiv plunged into my solar plexus.

"They're not decisions -- they're surprises."

Douché.

I am one of those who can't view videos at work, so I have nothing to say about this except I really hope someone dies on the season finale. Like, I want it bad enough where I might help it happen.

Too bad Leona isn't around to appreciate his charms.

in real life i picture him to be 4.5 feet tall, constantly drinking protein shakes, and using phrases like "dog" (sorry, "dawg"), and "fo' real".

How many more weeks until Spencer and Justin/Bobby are guest mentors on the Pick-Up Artist?

Additional surprises Spencer may have in store for poor, dear, beleaguered Heidi:

* Live boys
* Dead girls
* He was MAYBE just dating her to be on the tv...

Stay tuned!

what does he say what does he say!

"I surprised you with a BEAUTIFUL MURAL!"

@Harry_Greek: And at the same time, a nation of adolescent boys just high-fived each other either yelling, "DUDE!" and "PLAY ON, PLAYA!"

@IBentMyWookie: Oddly enough, I can see videos, but am getting no sound from this one. Curious. Maybe Jesus is carrying my computer over a beach, to salvation?

"see where the digital tracks cut out. That was me. LIFTING YOU" (creepy Jesus stare).

@IBentMyWookie: basically, spencer graffitied (sp?) their living room walls and got retro arcade games instead of a dining room table heidi says to her office friend "so i guess he's just making these decisions for me" and he responds (i believe! can't watch videos either) "its not a decision its a surprise!"

either way, i think the people who edit the hills aftershow need an emmy, like, yesterday.

I dont know why Im not watching this show.
I secretly watched the first 2 seasons of Laguna and the first of the Hills, and now Im missing this shitacular spectacle.

@AndIAmTellingYou: It works - don't deny it.

"The Hills" isn't a TV show so much as it is an Al-Qaeda training seminar.

so sad.

@Harry_Greek:

Says Mystery?

Okay. I see Ron Perlman, but where's Linda Hamilton?

@j_dot:
Thank you.

We just recently got the MTV channel in old Canadia, and there is nothing on but this nonsense (and then an aftershow, which I assume consists of mildly-learning challenged "veejays" [they wear headsets, for some reason]discuss the show) on a perpetual loop. As someone who has watched every episode of The Apprentice, America's Next Top Model, Flava of Love 1 & 2, not to mention The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll, I draw the line at this shower of shit.

@Chaim_Gnadelstein: I would nominate My Super Sweet 16 for that honour. Seriously, I registered for a handgun after watching one episode.

I've got to say it was pretty great later on when Heidi repainted the wall and was like, hey bitch, it's a surprise! But then I thought he was going to kill her with bolts of fire from his eyes and I got scared so I was like oh man Spencer don't do it you already paid for the boobs and the nose and I'm sure you paid for those painter pants she was wearing that only look like they're old and cheap and actually maybe you should just go look in a mirror and shoot those death bolts at your reflection because you are a horrible, horrible, nasty little man.

am I the only one who thinks his face looks like its made out of plastic? Its all shiny and fake looking... I think Spencer is really a robot...

This isn't your self-esteem, it's your soul.

I certainly don't approve, but that doesn't mean I don't think this kid should get some kind of Pulitzer. If a lady is actually taken in by that crap, I have to say that he has earned her with flying colors.

@Curse_of_NursePornstein: look at all the girls / women in your life. How many of them fell for a jerk at some point in their life?

Yeah, it's apart of growing up and learning from it - but it still happens.

"I've been fucking the next-door neighbor for a couple of months now."

"What? How could you?"

"It was a surprise."

Mystery has competition for being the biggest fartwaffle on the planet.

@J_DOT: I'm with you on the Hills Aftershow. I loved their horror show montage of Spencer - that was brilliant.
For those of you who missed it, c'mon over and we'll watch it again on my Tivo. I can't get enough of these morons.

But seriously, who would you rather do: Spencer or Justin/Bobby?

When she gushes, "I feel like we're literally in a playhouse" about the god-awful graffiti art, Spencer the Devil Seed bares his teeth with pride, as if to say, "I've got her FULLY HYPNOTIZED!"

@Harry_Greek: I know. Teh gays are the same way.

Can we have him arrested now for the surprise rape and beating he will un- doubtably be serving up on some defenseless girl off camera?

@HookerfaceAnon: JustinBobby, without a doubt. He can barely put a sentence together but I bet he's way better in bed.

$20 says some PA on The Hills went out and bought the paint and roller. And is it just me, or does Heidi bear a strange resemblance to Guy Smiley from the Muppets?

HoookerFaceAnon: To my horror, at this point, I'd go with Brody Jenner.

@HookerfaceAnon: No Talon?

Ok, we can open up this conversation to all Laguna Beach/The Hills/Newport Harbor D-BAGS.

I think Brody has been passed around quite a bit. From Kristen to Lauren to Jen Bunny and now in this season Whitney kisses him like she kisses her brother.

Talon (sp?) was disqualified due to massive amounts of man jewelry. You know that shit would get caught in your hair.

@IBentMyWookie:

Can we just nominate MTV in general, as a curriculum? Like Terrorism 101?

If I miss an episode, I go to MTV.com I watched last night's episode this morning. The sad thing is, there's only about 18 minutes of show per episode. And I hang on every word. And then I try to guess what clip gawker will post Tuesday morning.

Today I nailed it.

@BK_KT: And you surprised me with a BORING WHITE WALL

Wow, Spencer can teach Mystery from Vh1s "The Pickup Artist" a few things!

Ibrahim
www.BehindtheApprovalMatrix.com

@HookerfaceAnon: I'd go with Trey from Laguna Beach. He was like some sort of 1990's New York skateboarder kid who designed ugly trucker hats, but yeah I'd totally do him

Spencer has an orange hue that isn't from spray-tanning... must be all the human sacrifice. The real enemy is this heathery bimbette Heidi.

@blogissuchanuglyword:

didnt he end up going to NYU?

Heh heh. Spencer's only going to get worse. I'm just trying to figure out how Choire is blackmailing Doree into watching.

@HookerfaceAnon: Talon is in a band though...