Gawker
This morning, as we thumbed through the latest issue of the New Republic (56 pages!), a thought came to us. Since Marty Peretz promised that the magazine was going to be twice as long (80 pages!) because it was coming out half as often (once every two weeks, instead of weekly!), we wondered: Could subscribers sue? To find out, we turned to Gawker's foremost legal authority, KarenUhOh.
The short, sincere answer to "Can they sue?" is "Fuck no." Peretz never, to my recollection, advertised anything approaching a promise. Even if he did, what are the damages? Have you considered how much more damaging it is to sit through 80 pages of their pantywaist piffle? 40 is a favor. The subscribers ought to send in another $8, or whatever they charge for two years of home delivery. I watched that video you showed a few weeks ago of Foer blathering on about his exciting features—my dentist wouldn't put a new copy of that in his waiting room.So, uh, there you have it. New Republic subscribers, consider that $9.95 well spent.The good answer is: anyone who subscribes, or pays good money for TNR's Masterpiece Theatre version of Progressive Thinking, ought to be collecting big damages just for putting up with it. Can't they get real A-list liberal thinkers? Steven Weber, or Bert Convy? Bert Convy's dead? Who cares! Just putting his name on the cover's going to get you that whole Match Game cohort! Those people buy things!
They can sue for that right now; they should bring it in federal court in South Carolina or somewhere else that people marry animals. When liberals start mincing into the courtroom, they'll haul out the tar. I saw My Cousin Vinny. The problem, again, is, What Are the Damages? Plenty, this time round, but what does TNR pay with? Ad pages from the New York Sun?
Marty Peretz? I wouldn't know the man if he was in the stall next to me. My guess is he's about a 40-page douchebag.
Comments
Wow. That was like the moment they hand the microphone to the drunken widowed aunt at a wedding. Genius.
Loved you in The Incredible Mr. Limpet.
I always thought 'Master Poster UhOh' was a photographer..
It's kind of like me thinking I am a 40's cutie...damn.
When are you going to give Karen her own Gawker Media Law & Crime blog? Crimelibrary does very, very well ya know.
Hey, is Steve Brill still alive? Have him intern for her.
Well...Peretz doesn't even own TNR. It's owned by CanWest, a Canadian media corp. Who wants to sue Canadians over something like this? Hell, it'd be like suing JT Leroy. Without the really one-sided phone sex.
Gawd, she's like Gabe's evil twin sister. I'm thinking she's the next Nancy Grace. Well done Ms. Uh-Oh.
I'm confused. The girl that fucks random guys in bar bathrooms gets a (mercifully short-lived) feature on Gawker, but this genius doesn't? Something in the water does not compute.
Eh, TNR has enough problems. I like what they do give me, though, so I vote we let this one slide. For now.
All hail National Treasure KUO!
YES! I would like to subscribe to KarenUhOh's newsletter! Bill me later!
As for Marty Peretz...nah, too easy. Stick a fork in him, he's done (to a delicately flaky texture).
I feel a groundswell of support, Mrs. UhOh
@VenusCloacina:
Subscribe for TWO YEARS and receive a bonus DVD of "The Cook the Thief His Wife & Her Lover"!
Cannibal!
And well done, Karen Uh Oh.
Are you saying then that it was ... "mere puffery"?
No!
So Karen is an attorney and Balk is straight. I think we can score this week in the win column. Whorls never lie.
Agree with your analysis,
Well, shit, that was a first.
I agree with your analysis, Ms.UhOh. I had foolishly assumed that the damages were inflicted long before he made the public proclamations.
@Aatom: Clearly KUO hasn't been blowing the right editors.
Let it never be said that I failed to pander for an opportunity so, hey, if you're picking support staff for this new spot HITHERE! Did I tell you I know Willy Pickton personally?
I deleted a lot of details here: be glad.
UhOh is clearly a deranged genius! Stream of consciousness minus the conscious part. As one of our colleagues previously opined in a different setting, that was like Godot with less farting. I want to thank Karen personally for the Bert Convy reference. I hadn't heard his name or thought of him for centuries. Good times, good times.
Oh, one more thing: Balk is straight?!
Awesome rant, as always. Does this count as billable hours?
[Thanks, guys.]
I thought your legal authority was the beauteous & brainy Gaby Darbyshire?
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