Oh, well, I won Miss Tijuana Tits-N-Ass 2006 and placed second in the Miss New York East Coast USA Hooker Ho-Down 2007. And I met Antonin Scalia, and he told me he thinks you're ugly, and now I'm married to him, so...

Italian, Republican and Damn Proud. What unexpected juxtaposition!

No one this horrible could be real.

here's hoping her roman a clef gets published soon!

How did you befriend her?

Next up: TAG bodyspray commercial.

I'm more worried about the wish to meet Nic Cage...Then again, he could provide some useful facial reconstructive insight.

Hot mess.

That is all.

Night of the Living Fredericks of Hollywood.

Hmm...she's a trial lawyer, but an avowed republican. She's proud, but so much so that she's a tad boastful. She's Italian but is literate (weird that I'm ripping on Italians twice this week now...oh well).

She's an enimga wrapped in a riddle shrouded by mystery, she is.

I love how the lighting in that photo obscures the word international from her sash so that she ALMOST looks as though she was Miss Connecticut.
I'm assuming Miss Connecticut International is the equine equivalent of the Miss Connecticut pageant.

Her "who I want to meet" list reads like a dream cast for a Celebrity Real World.

"as well as runway work for various labels in Manhattan" ??

Nyet. Chu hof not.

Can someone please explain how the whole "Miss Connecticut International" thing works?

Sincerely,
Miss Ohio Intercontinental

Dang. I didn't know you could be less hot and more annoying than Shannon Elizabeth, but here's Miss Connecticut International (what? how?), proving me wrong.

PS: I love that she's done "theatre," not that stinky lowbrow "theater." Bitch an artist, y'all.

@Miss_Millie:

You know how they claim Hartford is "a little chunk of Paris?"

Something like that.

All right, they claim nothing of the sort, but you get the idea.

At least someone wants to hang out with Ann Coulter.

Thanks for the clarification.

Sincerely,
Miss North Dakota Intergalactic

"I tried to play a board game with Miss Connecticut International 2007 but she just kept saying she wanted to be the pink glittery shoe. And it was Scrabble."

What, nobody tracked down which porn movie is her so called "indie feature"? Which issue of LegShow her "print work" was in? This is half a story.

So it appears if you want to be a contestant you just have to email someone, there aren't even state level competitions. WTF? If she proud of just emailing and asking for the sash?

http://www.miss-international.us/directordetails.php?id=17...

I think you must be referring to a young lady one Mr. Neel Shah interviewed while covering a speed-dating event for Radar:

KRISTEN Attorney, East Coast U.S.A.'s Miss New York, Fear Factor alum

So what do you do? That's the cliché question of the evening. Sorry to ask it.

I'm an attorney. I asked it. I asked every guy, "what do you do, what do you do." Everyone was a lawyer, or in real estate. What do you do?

I'm in film.

Oh really? I'm in film, too.

I thought you said you were an attorney.

I'm an attorney, but I'm also Miss New York, and I just finished an indie.
Also, I filmed an episode of Fear Factor.

Wait, so you were Miss New York? Have you met Donald Trump?

No, this is the East Coast U.S.A., not Miss U.S.A. Totally different. But I was
I was first runner-up four times for Miss U.S.A.

Was the contest broadcast on TV?

No, but I was on TV for Fear Factor.

So what you're saying is Joe Rogan once tried to have sex with
you.

He did, actually. But he's really funny.
Absolutely hysterical. Wait, so what
sort of film do you do? Are you in pornographic film?

Close. Romantic comedies. I just had a meeting with Lisa Kudrow actually.

Oh really? What for?

Trying to get her to star in this Bollywood adaptation of Romy and Michelle's High School
Reunion. Figured she wasn't up to anything now.

I love that movie! Are you looking for anyone else?

Interested?

Definitely. We should have dinner next week to discuss me being in your movie.

Sounds good.

Wait a minute! I have a brilliant idea! Why doesn't Gawker hook up Eric Schaffer with Miss Connecticut International?

It'll be a Gawkconnection made in hell!!!

Yeah, but can she blow and sign contracts at the same time? If yes, does she elaborate on these multi-tasking skills in the "novel loosely based on her life?"

Also, the "indie film" she recently finished, is it linked up at Fleshbot yet?

From the listing for episode 138 of "Fear Factor":

Stunt #2 (Radiation Roach Transfer)
Both team members would have to retrieve a total of 10 Madagascar hissing cockroaches from a tank of green sludge using only their mouths. They would then have to eat all the roaches they retrieved. The team to do this fastest would win $25,000 from Progressive Direct.

Guess we know what her talent was.

She's no more than Staten Island International mall rat hot.

She won a fake beauty contest on the Internets! That's embarrassing even by lawyer standards.

Also, wait for the coverage of my Nobell Prize announcement. I may retain that Williamsburg guy to write into everyone's blog about it. Him or Jim Treacher.

book title ideas?

I tried to think of some but I realized I'd probably rather not.

I really can't decide what to comment on first. So I'll just go with DIE STUPID C**T.

I'm sorry, what I meant was "so, in what ways do you think journalism was most significantly revolutionized in The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby?"

I went to law school, but want to be valued as more than just another argumentative douchebag. A woman needs to be valued for her looks!

When, exactly, when this new generation of "proud" Republicans clue into what "revolutionary" ISN'T?

@izzodee544:

Almost Nearly Knew Someone Who Knew Someone Who Was Famous. Once.

Miss Connecticuit ? I don't find her too attractive, but I would totally hate fuck her personality.

Got to love the internets:

http://www.miss-international.us/contestantdetails.php?id=...

@Flashman: They sent Balk to Midtown with a scepter, ball gag, and George W. Bush action figures.

Miss Connecticunt. There, I fixed the typo on her sash.

Re: Miss International Profile
Do ya think her head is stuck in that position and that's why she can only 'play a model' in movies?

Third tier law school (New York Law School) and boasting about graduating in an accelerated, two and a half year program? Uh, cupcake? Most programs are only three years long.

I'm guessing they gave you moot court credit for your pageant speeches and let you wear a sash and satin ensemble instead of a cap and gown.

Yet another MySpace casualty. Anyone over 25 who's on it is a huge loser. She's an ugly model who should be dancing at the Bada Bing.

it would be kind of cool to see Coulter, Spelling, and Scalia in the same room together. Cool in a "my brain just popped" kind of way.

She's got some great informative stuff here:

http://kristenpatriciaschmidt.com/default.aspx

I anticipated the usually unavoidable avalanche of support remarks to the effect of:

"Hey, a'holes . . . you don't really know [insert name of endlessly ridiculed mindless twat here] at all. I knew him/her at [insert name of moderately prestigious institute of higher learning here]. He/she isn't the colossal f'wit that you make him/her out to be."

Those comments never came . . .

@Aatom:

I would love to see Ann and Tori fighting it out while screaming at each other, "Don't you know who I am?"

@scarletmenace: I agree. Her 'feature indie film' has homemade porn movie written all over it.

Runway work?

Where?

LaGuardia?

See? And everyone wonders why the fuck I HATED growing up in CT....

Ya know, I kinda "want space" from My Space....

@realnicegirl: Ha!

I love how she spends more time writing about the Potemkin Village of her "pageant girl" "career" than she does about being an attorney -- a job calling for more skill than knowing how to put hairspray on your ass to keep your bikini in place.

http://www.tv.com/fear-factor/disaster-fear-factor/episode...

@stlblufan:
This is beautiful. La Twat's own description of her "independent film":
Feature-length film about sexually frustrated and bitter twentysomething stuck in a failing relationship. With the help of his college buddies he goes on a quest to 'get laid.'

Read: Every Skinemax flick ever made.

You laugh now, but wait till she shows up as assistant AG in President Giuliani's Administration.

@VenusCloacina:
thank you venus! i think you may have inspired my next myspace makeover as miss connecticunt herself! but if i'm gonna do, i had better go all the way, with a sash and everything. i might be too lazy (probably), but it's a beautiful thought. and yeah, i'm in connecticut.

@VenusCloacina:

Also, wait for the coverage of my Nobell Prize announcement. I may retain that Williamsburg guy to write into everyone's blog about it. Him or Jim Treacher.

LOL

Finding stupid Italians on myspace is like shooting fish in a barrel. If there's one thing my people are good for, it's being the subject of derision. In fact, I'm quite positive that myspace is now entirely Italians, children, and pedophiles, and within five years will just be the children of Italian pedophiles.

Miss Connectiut International hot

I once interviewed a perspective roommate circa 2001, extemely trashy hot. Her claim to fame on her email to my 'looking for a roommate' post was she was Miss Long Island 2000. My buddy reading that asked this gem of a question...

"What sports bar gave her that crown?"