Gawker
Last night's episode of Top Chef was perhaps the least satisfying and most miserable episode yet. It's like we had been reading Stendhal's Le Rouge et Le Noir, a novel full of tender moments and human weakness, and all of a sudden we're in the middle of Alfred Jarry's Ubu Roi plays, a profane, syphilitic cesspool of misery. This had a lot to with the challenge: the eight contestants were asked to create a restaurant in 24 hours, a mission that all but ensures failure. But it also had to do with the fact that one of the "secret" judges was food blogger Andrea Strong whose rambling Sex-And-The-City-ish newsletter, The Strong Buzz, coagulates daily in our inbox. It is a mess. And she was just mean.
Still! She seemed the sole arbiter of taste at the judge's table. Padma slowly recited her words (she had sent in a written report) like some Holy Scripture. "The maitre d' at Restaurant April had a serious sweating problem," she wrote. Real trenchant stuff that. But it just got worse, as Ms. Strong seemed to prove the adage those who can't cook write, those who can't write blog, those who can't blog send e-mail newsletters and those who can't do even that end up as a guest judge on Top Chef.
But the other demoralizing aspect of the show was the Baghdadian lack of rule of law. Contravening the explicit and implicit framework of Top Chef, no one was eliminated. Sure ,the two chefs on the chopping block—sweaty Bryan and shonda fur dir straightem Dale—didn't really deserve to be sent home, but the implicit contract the network has signed with the viewers stipulates that someone must be sent home. To apply this selectively not only violates the main premise of the show but the trust of the viewers; for more on the problem of selective enforcement, see McCleskey v. Kemp (No. 84-6811). [Ed. Note: Josh? Are you okay?]
This sort of thing has happened before on the show, as well as on other shows, of course—but each time it occurs, a little bit of trust has been broken; a bit of the validity of the judges' decisions erodes. Entrusting the bulk of the decision making to someone like Andrea Strong only hurts us all more.
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those who can't cook write, those who can't write blog, those who can't blog send e-mail newsletters and those who can't do even that end up as a guest judge on Top Chef.
I finally have found my blog's userinfo quote. Thank you for that.
Of course when I say "blog" I mean my LiveJournal.
McKlesky v. Kemp? You sure you didn't go to lawschool, son?
Can anyone read what it says on her t-shirt? Something about her tummy?
Actually, the play is called Ubo Roi. Pere Ubu is the main character.
@depardoo: It's a stupid Buddha shirt that says "For Good Luck Rub My Tummy." Unless you were beign facetious. Anyway, I hate her.
What could be more fun than eating off of Billy Idol?
@bitchyenglishmajor:
No, I really couldn't read it. I'm not rubbing her tummy or anything else on her.
Is that the "Most Likely to Annoy" picture from her high school yearbook?
@mathnet: I know! I'd want to eat off of Billy Idol even in a vanilla-smelling restaurant.
I thought it was hilarious when they said, "And now we'll bring out our secret weapon: a blogger!"
I can't wait to see Krucoff, Radosh and Balk's Cock as guest judges on "America's Next Top Model."
Is it possible they sent Gail Simmons home instead? And there was just not enough room on her flight out of Miami.
@depardoo: thanks, i changed it to the correct title Ubu Roi.
Pictured: Andrea Strong poses in her Trading Spaces-designed room. "It was totally cool," she said. "Ty was really hot and Page Davis was just a doll. And look at all these colors! Aren't they funky??"
McCleskey Do Malice
You mean this non-limination wasn't tied to the worlds-changing spectacle of Top Chef Gives Back?
That episode was overwhelming. I resorted to the usual comfort foods: gobs of chorizo, fistfuls of pinenuts, and a fennel-infused smoothie.
@joshuadavidstein1:
Yeah, I typed it so fast that I typed it "Ubo" instead of "Ubu". Damn fingers.
Ubu Roi provided a huge amount of material for Bill Griffith's "Zippy the Pinhead".
Before you know it, we'll have lost all faith in reality television. And then where will be be?
It's been great to watch Josh, in the last four weeks or so, really find his voice. It's all coming together, dude, and it keeps getting better. It's always fun to watch that happen, especially when someone's got talent: short burst, long burst, or premature burst, whatever.
OK, enough sucking up, dick.
I always thought that there was only one food blog, and they were all written by the same person. Who, in turn, is secretly controlled by Daily Candy.
@AndYourLittleDogToo: I know, don't knock it 'till you've tried it! On another note: is it wierd to anyone else that the color black is automatically and exclusively associated billy idol?
Madonna's brother Christopher Ciccone--uncredited--was one of the judges last night too, no?
I loved how everyone reacted when they said ". . . a blogger!" Like it automatically meant everyone was going to be totally and immoderately ripped apart in a mean-spirited and only marginally correct way. That's not at all what this whole blog thing is about. Right? Right?
Among the other dangers of watching reality television I mentioned yesterday--acne, dysthenia, public masturbation, being a bore--I apparently missed one: losing your fucking mind.
Strong's blog is a complete mess. Her food ratings seem to be based solely on the quantity of flirtatious attention received from the ex-boyfriend du jour dining with her. She must have dined sad and alone at Restaurant April to produce such vitriol. If only Brian had rubbed her tummy...
I fell asleep last night infront of the TV watching re-runs of Top Chef waiting for the new one. I woke up in the middle of the night or early morning and the show was still on, still re-runs. Now I have Howie's voice in my head, Padma telling those kids they can't go clubbing, Hong is an assshole, noooo, please don't send her home, the horrendous pinneapple desserts, the telemundo lunch, aaarrrgghhhh!!!!! PLEASE, PLEASE GET THEM OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like Pere Ubu. Can I be a judge on So You Think You Can Do The Modern Dance?
People make a big deal about how Andrea Strong left her career as an attorney to follow her passion for food, as if that makes up for the fact that she is Scary Sadshaw no. 1 who worked as a hostess in some failed restaurant for a year and now considers herself a critic. Johnny Apple, Julia Child and James Beard are all rolling in their graves, looking for a sharp object with which to re-kill themselves.
@depardoo: Reality is a sandwich I did not order. Zippy
Gawker sholuld donate Andrea a book for the HTML-challenged and then send her on a cruise to Antarctica with the Daily Snooze's Restaurant Girl.
Dale should have totally bitchslapped that "the meat tasted like metal" queen. That would have made the show.
BTW: Padma speaks slower the more celeb the guest chef. With Boulud, she was practically worse than Merry Miller. Maybe it's to keep from jumping out of her clothes. Or maybe it's the way Salman taught her to read him his bedtime stories.
@josh speed: I thought that was him too. What a bitch.
I was sure e
Stupid pinky finger!
I was sure either Dale or Bryan was going to go all Dave from Season 1 on us and just flip out and bawl. Instead I think that somehow Bryan was able to just sweat all his tears out.
Also, Strong was the weakest part of the show, even taking the oversmoked potatoes into account. The "metal meat" guy would've been a much more fun food critic.
@josh speed:
that was him
@KarenUhOh:
Or a home renovation reality show called "Dub Housing".
@Queen of the Passive Aggressives:
Don't get me started.
@Queen of the Passive Aggressives:
Or, as Bill Griffith's Jarry would say, "Shitr".
Last night's episode of Top Chef 3 had an uncredited guest appearance by Madonna's younger brother. Christopher Ciccone was the diner in the "Garage" teams' restaurant who made bitchy comments, Towleroad noticed.
My favorite detail: Guest judge Daniel Boulud, sidelined completely while Padma Lakshmi reads, at length, from a food blogger who -- for some reason -- wasn't asked to actually sit at the judges' table.
I was a bit confused last night, Winehouse or Strong? Also a bit disappointed they didn't do more of a horror movie cringe for the chef's reaction to the dirty b-word.
It's on right now and I can't wait for Queen Ciccone.
Ciccone was amazing...but what kind of mental midget wants a restaurant to smell like fresh flowers.
Oh josh... Clearly you just watch because you are a bear-lovin-Colicchio-fan. But really - who isn't?
Last night food blogger Andrea Strong played the role of her (really mean) self in the Restaurant Wars episode of Top Chef. She was there as an "undercover blogger," an accurate title given by Padma - as Strong got less screen-time than random walk-ins.
That was just weird. Who gives a flying fug what she thinks?
Madonna reportedly shocked passengers on a recent flight when sheinjected herself with a vitamin cocktail. [CW]What did we glean from last night's episode of Top Chef? Primarily,we learned blogger Amy Strong is a hater.
What are your favorite food memoirs? Ruth Reichl shares her picks with NPR, and we definitely agree that these are must-reads, especially Jeffrey Steingarten's hilarious and informative essays. Still haven't taken the $20 Farmer's Market Challenge?
@otterface:
It's really incomprehensible that in one of their signature challenges everyone defers to a person who doesn't even utter a word in the show.
Padma looked especially luminous last night.
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