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Page Six Mag: For the Kathy Hilton Lover in Us All

As promised, the 2nd installment of Page Six: the Magazine hit the stands today, and if you can get past the opening Jessica Joffe/Banana Republic spread (and the ads on practically every other page), you'll find a flimsy magazine full of all sorts of litterbox treats. There's plenty of pictures of celebs reading the Post, an odd quote from James Ellroy about how he likes to scratch himself and, best of all, an article on how everyone loves the show Ugly Betty — which is good, because the issue also features a full-page Ugly Betty ad. Well-played, really.

Then there's this here horrifying image of Kathy Hilton (with wee Paris) from a fashion show in 1987; it accompanies an article about Jerry Oppenheimer's new book, House of Hilton, which, among other things, details how Mother Hilton came to be the evil womb responsible for so much hate in this world. Kathy's father is a mere housepainter; as a young climber, she had a tryst with a member of the Jackson 5 (oh, please let it be Tito) when she was 16; and, best of all, Kathy's mother (Paris' grandmother) wanted to make sure her daughter "had all the tools" to land herself a rich husband like Rick Hilton, so she enrolled Kathy in "sex lessons" that were taught by a man in a van in front of their house.

All of which almost explains Paris Hilton. Almost.

Earlier: Page Six: The Magazine: The Return

2:11 PM on Thu Sep 14 2006
By Jessica
6,395 views
23 comments

Comments

TroubleonWheels at 01:20 PM on 09/14/06
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MY EYES! MY EYES! AUUUUUUUUUGH!
visavis at 01:35 PM on 09/14/06
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To be fair, I've learned quite a bit myself while spending time in various vans.

Can't believe I haven't landed a gem like Rick Hilton.
avid at 01:38 PM on 09/14/06
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Strangely, this picture is more disturbing to me than the ones you posted a few months ago, in which she was wearing a transparent top at some party, displaying the trademark Hilton "I'm a complete waste of life" smirk as she displayed her aged tatas.
Gabe at 01:40 PM on 09/14/06
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damn son.
Captain Caveman at 01:43 PM on 09/14/06
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1987? Why, you haven't aged a day, Kathy.
KarenUhOh at 01:43 PM on 09/14/06
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Connectedness Index: 897

John David Karr is going to prison for less than this.
lefty at 01:48 PM on 09/14/06
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Must...destroy plates....ditch..van..in..river...shave mustache..
ChupaCaBrooklyn at 01:52 PM on 09/14/06
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There's the young Paris in the corner and the Paris-to-come in the foreground. Scary.
adropp at 01:54 PM on 09/14/06
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DamnQ my co-worker behind me just got an eyeful.
TheJerseyDevil at 01:56 PM on 09/14/06
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Paris in a corner?

Nobody puts Paris in a corner!
visavis at 02:23 PM on 09/14/06
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She looks like an ugly, bloated version of Glenn Close.

And, although it's not a stretch, Little Paris is a dead-ringer for Jonbenet Ramsey.
fortqueenmean at 02:33 PM on 09/14/06
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Wow-after view this I think her 'padding' started the fad of brazilian waxing. That punani definitely has the 'Serta Sleeper' quality to it.
the earl grey at 02:41 PM on 09/14/06
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karen , yes there's definitely too much patsy ramsey/ jon benet subtext to that 1987 pic for comfort
josh speed at 03:08 PM on 09/14/06
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next time Paris blah-blahs about "iconic blonde... American royalty" recall please exactly how the House of Windsor, for example, never had camel-toe bathing suit strutting or van-sex training.
Simpatia at 03:11 PM on 09/14/06
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It may be the photo angle, but it surely looks like that Paris could actually crawl back into Mommy's busted vagina. And that's a beautiful thing.
jerseygirl at 03:13 PM on 09/14/06
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Is the man in the van down by the river the one who also told kathy that giving blowjobs causes face craters (per Paris' interview in Blender)
the earl grey at 05:22 PM on 09/14/06
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Im so glad pg 6 mag is back.
sarahblooms at 08:42 PM on 09/14/06
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I can't find it anywhere online, but in the February 2000 issue of Vogue, there's an article about the Hiltons called "American Beauties," by none other than Plum Sykes.

I didn't know who they were at the time, but the picture of all three Hiltons in a hotel room was nightmare-inducing and beyond creepy. They all had vapid, vacant dead eyes and looked like mildly retarded mannequins. (I think the article was about their debut in Paris, or going to the collections, something like that.)

I wish someone could find it, it was such a disturbing picture that it lingers in my mind nearly seven years later.
ellagood at 10:20 PM on 09/14/06
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Connectedness Index: 266

i didn't realize vaginas could get fat.

this picture is insanely disturbing.
raincoaster at 11:37 PM on 09/14/06
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Wait...so Paris is a REAL blonde? I'da lost a bet.
Taigan at 09:10 PM on 09/15/06
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Am I the only one who thinks that Hayden Panettiere looks like the Hilton clan? She's always resembled Paris to me, but that picture of Kathy Hilton could be her in thirty years.

Maybe that's why Paris likes to party with her? Mommy issues!
winowino at 11:19 PM on 09/17/06
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Well laaa-dee-freakin'-dah.... We got ourselves a model here! Too bad you're gonna end up eating a steady diet of government cheese, and living in a van down by the river! Now, young man, what do you want to do with your life?
dmumsie at 12:17 AM on 09/18/06
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Kathy could don a rotting elephant hide, smear her face with apple butter and crush tin foil on her feet then parade anywhere and her doppy drugged husband would smile blandly, nod agreeably and polietly clap..