We pick on the Village Voice so frequently because a), it's an easy target, and b) it sucks. But even we were unprepared for the sheer suckitude of this week's current cover story. It's a piece by Mara Altman about the city's eviction of a social service center in the South Bronx that actually makes us nostalgic for the halcyon days when the cover stories were about American Idol rejects. Let's take a look at the lede:

The brown walls, metal grating covering windows, bricks layered one atop the other, the glossy flooring and fluorescent lighting don't add up to much except for a building, but when people are added—the constant flow of community members sweeping in and out of the entranceway, up and down the stairs, back and forth through the halls—that building takes on life. The building beats, beats with blood, the blood of the people who come to the Morrisania Multi-Service Center for help or to help. The people fill the chambers, bustling with work and picking up phone calls. A hum ensues. The place pumps steadily like a heart, bringing people in with troubles and sending them out with answers, creating a strong social fabric from which can grow a healthy South Bronx neighborhood. If the building stopped beating the way it has for the past 24 years—as might be the case within several months—it'd be like taking one of the poorest communities in all of New York off life support.

Jesus, beat the death out of that metaphor why don't you, Mara? Where'd you go to J-school, Columbia? Oh, right.

Bonus Color: "Through the windowpanes, the concerned parents can see that the day is gray and windy. The wind is obvious by watching a flag flutter."

The Young and the Helpless [VV]

Contact information for this author is not available.