Gawker
Last night was the Brooklyn Academy of Music Next Wave gala in... Manhattan. Yeah, no. we know. But I guess there aren't any spaces in Brooklyn that are nice. So instead, it was at 7 World Trade Center on some really high floor. Below, Ground Zero looked like a little deserted Erector Set. Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Saarsgard were supposed to be there. But they had some other benefit to attend. John Turturro was supposed to be there too but wasn't. You know who was? Lou Reed. And you want to know something else? Turns out he's not a nice guy! Nikola Tamindzic was our witness.
Although legendary choreographer Merce Cunningham was very awesome. He is in a wheelchair now but sharp. He reminisced about Aaron Copland's Appalachian Spring, used by Tero Saarinen in his piece Borrowed Light, which most of the gala attendees had seen earlier in the evening. But Cunningham remembered it from 1944, from the Martha Graham piece for which Copland originally composed it—for $500. Merce danced with Martha from 1945 to 1952.
I was psyched to sit next to Trisha Brown, probably my second favorite modern choreographer after Deborah Hay. We were both at Table 67. Her table card thing was there. Instead some guy named Richard sat next to us. He's from Richmond and friends with Tim Ingrassia, the millionaire chairman of the BAM endowment. Earlier Tim sat in a wicker chair and broke it. This is ironic because he is, after all, a chairman. [Ed Note: Really, Josh?]
On the other side of us was Danny Simmons, Russell's brother. He's on the board of BAM. He was really awesome too. We had cod. He kept on saying, "Dude, cod! Eat the Cod!" There were sprigs of rosemary and lavender on the tables. "This is some Simon and Garfunkle shit!" he said.
Then there was Lou Reed. Lou works out at the Printing House and one time we alternated sets. He does tai chi downstairs and wears tie-dye shirts. So I thought we had a connection. But little monkey man refused to talk to us at the party. He also has had, said a source, a different personal assistant every year so "you know it's got to be a nightmare to work with him." I mean, it wasn't as if we thought Lou Reed would be nice and chatty but he was cold and scary and he hurt our feelings. How could Laurie Anderson put up with that?
The gift bags had a block of Altria-branded Post It notes and a t-shirt. But nothing could salve the wounds that the hero of our youth, our Venus in furs, had inflicted.
Comments
I can't wait to see Fiona Shaw in 'Happy Days.' (Emily? Beckett?)
Related: I used to be a Stair Master until I fell down them.
Lou's been a prick forever. He's talented, but short. Get over it.
Screw Lou Reed. The ladies at 68 looked MUCH more fun, music god(esse)s or no.
This is all part of being a New Yorker: the first three times you meet Lou Reed he's a dick. The fourth time, he invites you over, cooks you a nice dinner, listens to all your stories about how his songs changed your life, and then sings you a personalized version of "[Your Name Here] Says."
Hope he wasn't Chairman of the Bored!!
I've seen Mr. Reed and Ms. Anderson at brunch -- he snarls at her and behaves like a grouchy old ass, while she flutters around and tries to laugh it off.
It hurts me to see one of my teen feminist icons placating her rude boyfriend when what he clearly needs is a smack to the head.
Laurie Anderson is nice enough for both of them, didn't you find?
PS, Josh:
"Chairman"!
@CoachHogan: I heard if you catch him, he grants you three wishes. If your wishes are like, "trannies", "unmasked hostility" and "sitting in close proximity to someone with skin like a professor's handbag".
I really love your parties, Josh.
@mathnet: And Nikola.
This has always been the role of BAM, a place where wealthy twits can convince themselves they are part of the "avant garde" and their drivers can still find a place to idle at the curb.
Anderson and Reed are just the mascots.
Lou Reed is a sorry excuse for a human being. He was the single meanest person I ever dealt with for FLY LIFE. I watched him yell at the staff photographer hired by the Anthology Film Archives while he read an intro to the film being shown. The guy snapped maybe five shots, one or two which used flash because the theatre was so dark, and Reed went ballistic. The only comfort I can take is that he was shusshing the photographer for interrupting his self important essay about esteemed author JT Leroy.
@atipofthehat: Also, she didn't just release a horrific collaboration with the guy from The Killers.
@City_Dater: Yeah, ditto. They used to come to breakfast at this place I worked, and it was always a treat to wait on him! (treat meaning being treated like a maroon for not having his cappuccino ready NOW, of course.)
Does Josh get a free month every time he works the name of his gym into a post? Or was he just worried we thought Lou Reed was a Dolphin guy.
If this applied to commenters, I just got back from the NYSC (Mercer St). I want to reup at Dolphin on B, cause it's getting too cold outside to run. That's only like a buck fiddy for a year, so if I had my druthers, send the check that way.
Lou was a lot nicer before returning to the closet.
@CoachHogan: Awesome.
Also, as Momo so aptly said in another post: Fuck nice. I'm absolutely positive it was nothing personal, Mr. Josh.
@Dusty in the Wind: Ah, someone else who remembers Lou and "Rachel" on the cover of Rolling Stone.
@mathnet: Sub 'panties' for 'parties' and...I've had too much coffee.
@mathnet: You made me snort with laughter. Such a perfect day...
Here's my Lou Reed Moment: BITD, I saw a sneak preview of Analyze This at Union Square. I left the theatre behind Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson; they lived nearby, and as Reed was fumbling with the keys to his apartment he grumpily intoned, "Well, THAT was a waste of time." He was kinda right, but that's besides the point - I was just kinda tickled by the idea that Reed and Anderson would spend their Saturday night at a Billy Crystal movie.
Whoops! It's Aaron COPLAND, like the Sylvester Stallone movie--not COPELAND like that guy from the Police.
P.S., "Venus in Furs" is a horrible song.
My Lou Reed experience: Had dinner in San Francisco at the table behind Lou and Laurie at China Moon. He didn't open his mouth once during the meal. Good times!
Once in the mid-1990s Doug Yule did a shit on me.
I was there last night, and watching a Finnish dance troupe channel circa-1860s Shakers would have turned anybody into a professor's handbag.
Be that as it may. My Lou Reed experience from the '90s: I was dating a guy from Lucinda Williams' band and we went to a benefit at Tramps for whiny and seriously ill singer Victoria Williams. Lou played, and wouldn't allow anybody in the green room who wasn't a Lou Reed-caliber artist, i.e. no one. We were forced to smoke on the street outside the club and watched him climb into a gold-plated limo with his then-wife. Jokes about Lou and "that greasy Boulevard" ensued.
I once cleaned Lou Reed's vomit out of Peter Gabriel's toilet. And I was wearing a bitchin' black velvet blouse at the time.
Yeah, so I've got a bit of a grudge.
Lou needs to seriously reread his lyrics to "Strawman."
"Does anyone need another self-righteous rock and roll singer…"
He said hey Babe,
Take a walk on the vile side
He said hey Babe
Take a walk on the vile side
And the colored girls go
douche de douche de douche, douche de douche ....
Merce Cunningham is a dude?!
Danny Fields on Lou Reed, as quoted in Edie: An American Biography:
"Everyone was certainly in love with him--me, Edie, Andy, everyone. He was so sexy. Everyone just had this raging crush. . .he was the sexiest thing going. He was a major sex object in his years with the Velvet Underground."
Forty years later, of course, not so much.
Douche de douche de douche
Douche de douche
Douche de douche de douche
Douche de douche
Douche de douche de douche
Douche de douche
Doooooooooo-ouche ...
@MisterHippity: Is that what the colored girls say?
And Dominick Dunne, working the velvet ropes at the door, bounced a few old ladies out on their fat asses.
any savvy NYer knows you dont talk to Lou. he's been legendarily curt/rude/with contempt since the 70s at least. if youre neophyte enough to try to talk to lou he will snap at you. you might hope your celeb heroes are nice, but not every one is. but thats LOU REED and he can do whatever he wants. Jerry Seinfeld, on the other hand, is a shithead for being so rude and i detest his show & Ive seen it exactly once in full.
@MisterHippity: Gold.
If I am ever in a room with Lou Reed he will be an asshole to me. Because I will damp his rough visage with spittle as I repeatedly insist that he give John Cale one last chance.
@Colonel Mustard:
all tomorrow's panties?
It as about 13 years ago, I had just moved to New York 2 days earlier and off I went to see a new print of Dr. Strangelove. I sat behind Laurie and Lou.
Just as Major Kong starts his rodeo ride on that nuclear missle the sound went out. The movie kept playing to the end and we all watched in silence.
As we all got up to leave Lou looked at Laurie and said, "Should we get our money back?"
Then he made eye contact with me. "Hadn't you seen it before?" I said, feeling my stomach take up residence in my scrotum.
"Of course I've seen it," said Lou.
My dick then fell off entirely but Laurie picked it up and gave it back to me, along with a smile and benediction in Tibetan.
NIKOLA:IKONAL
@the earl grey:
Mr. Reed did a Honda scooter ad in the '80s. Oh yes, they licensed "Take a Walk on The Wild Side" and Lou, astride a little bug of a bike, uttered "hey, don't settle for walking."
LOADED with integrity and clearly too good and noble to be civil to mere mortals or at least not berate random waitresses and his equally famous girlfriend.
Please. Until he comes up with cures for cancer, AIDS, MS and diabetes, Mr. Reed doesn't get to behave like he's too magical to breathe this air.
I met John Cage and Merce Cunningham about a month before Cage died. I shook John Cage's hand.
Merce is a wonderful man and so was Cage.
Actually, Lou is like a mean little puppy. You just love him but don't go near him.
I know someone who, many years ago, sent Lou Reed a genuine 1930s German crucifix with a Nazi swastika in the centre of it, and he rang her and thanked her for it. Lou might be mean but he's not afraid of being grateful.
I've always thought Lou Reed looked like a monkey. Good call, good call.
Also, my father raised me to revere the guy, but always made sure to mention that he's a renowned asshole. When we saw him after his performance of Berlin last year at Saint Ann's, my dad said "Don't even think about approaching him. It could get nasty." At the time, I doubted Lou could get bitchy with a teenage girl, but I can see now that it's not only possible but likely.
Okay, so Lou Reed is a prickly little bitch... time to send in Fabio.
I think Laurie Anderson is idiotic - so obvs not a feminist. I know it's about choices but does it count if your choice is to be a doormat muse? SIGH.
Lou used to be a client of mine, and I have to say, I was shocked by his kindness. He walked in, held his hand out, introduced himself (duh...) and said so happy to finally meet you. I was a little flabbered by that. His bff Schnabel was equally gracious. Here's the kicker: Lou was a bumbling old fool who had to be told he was going down a flight of stairs. Schnabel was the one loudly pronouncing "Lou, it's a flight of stairs, we're going down them","Ohhh, ok Julien". Like a doddering old married couple I'd say.
I can't believe anyone on here (you are almost All more inventive people) is wasting any time on Lou Reed.
It's like worrying about David Bowie!
And at least the latter has (exactly) One song I can remember the name of.
Hey! The Police played my town on Tuesday! Did I go?
Natch.
Wait... Lou Reed dates that fat fuck Louie Anderson?
It is depressing that Laurie is with him. I took my hub to see Maureen Fleming and he didn't scream afterward - although he should have. Being a doormat is the #1 no no in the feminist rule book. She must have daddy issues.
Um, Lou Reed. "Walk on the Wild Side." That's it for him, as far as I'm concerned. Heard the Velvet Underground live once, which was plenty enough. Why do we still care about him, let alone invite him places?
it's Deborah Hay, not Haye. Just FYI. And she is a fabulous person as well as a talented choreographer. Love her too!
Complaining that Lou Reed's a dick is like complaining about the lousy pizzas in Bangalore. Why do we still care about him? Two words: Sister Ray. It's the Citizen Kane of queer junkie orgy shootout songs that weren't written by William S. Burroughs.