Gawker
Former Minnesotan, total vegetarian, and current Google intern Eric Hielscher has been at his job for a couple weeks now, and he's been blogging about his experiences moving to New York and starting a new job. He met "a nice ex-Puerto Rican (lots of them in NY)" who helped him move! It's a familiar tale, to be sure, but one that is getting played out in the way that only an intern for one of the richest companies in the world, who grew up in an 800-person town in the Midwest, can play it.
The other day, for example, he blogged:
Yesterday at work I got in at around 9:15 or so and after a couple hours received an email telling everyone in the New York office that they could leave at 2 to enjoy the 4th of July holiday. Cool. It didn't seem like my officemates were going to take advantage, but I felt as an intern I shouldn't feel pressure to work overtime and left around then.Good idea! What else has Eric learned in his short time so far in New York?
I was told about the apartment which was on E 109th (apparently Spanish Harlem is a part of the Upper East Side, or I wouldn't have come there in the first place) and this new guy took me via the subway up to the place. It was my first glimpse of Harlem, and it looked pretty ok. Definitely nicer than the areas of central Brooklyn I'd seen last week. The guy did go on about how I'd need to buy window guards to prevent break-ins (yay) and told me both about this sketchy tunnel separating the 4,5,6 trains from the apartment and the housing project right near there.Yeah. "Apparently Spanish Harlem is a part of the Upper East Side." Here, come with us to West Bushwick!
Comments
Spanish Harlem is Northwest West Bushwick.
Oh the wilds of 109th St! I think that's the area of the New York-New York casino that saw gunfire yesterday. It's near the shrimp buffet and, conveniently, the men's bathroom.
He's kinda cute, except for the Rupert Grint hair.
@sheistolerable: And the Amanda Plummer face.
How long until that fresh-faced grin disappears?
He's not as naive as he sounds. That's Midwestern sarcasm -- so gentle that you don't even notice it.
His naivete is cuter than a basketful of puppies!
Guess he's not familiar with Google Maps.
Just confirms my longstanding suspicion: Google is full of entitled, clueless idiots.
Wait till he meets the gays, and they fix that mop top for him.
Concerned Citizen: I'd say about the time he starts singing "America" to his new Puerto Rican friends on the Upper Upper East Side, in an attempt to show them he "understands" their culture.
@Clarence Rosario: wow. dick. needless.
@jupiterspaw: HA. amazing. I'm picturing that Arrested Development where Tobias takes the Hot Cops to the streets to try to reform the other street toughs.
What is up with the kids these days? Do they not think that their employers aren't going to Google them and screen their blogs and MySpaces? Eric, buddy, you don't go blogging about your poor financial planning/bouncing check, who helped me move, the ginormous crap I took, etc., etc. business...dipshit.
@sheistolerable: No way. Give him a coon skin cap and he'll look like Farkus from A Christmas story.
Is this a way to revive the "New Guy" feature?
Hahaha I love how he takes "the metro."
Uh oh, he's not going to be one of those interns who actually thinks 9 to 5 means 9 to 5, is he? Also, I can't wait until he blogs with eyes wide wonder that Greenwich isn't pronounced like green witch.
@narnio: Oh, sorry. You work for GOOG?
"ex Puerto Rican" ? Is Johnny Depp an "ex American" because he lives in France?
I love reading blogs about youngsters coming to NYC to "make it"! The malapropisms are infinitely entertaining.
@earlytimezone: "...but I felt as an intern I shouldn't feel pressure to work overtime" is his subconscious way of assuring himself he will never, ever have to see 109th street or Google again after this awful summer.
"...they could leave at 2...It didn't seem like my officemates were going to take advantage, but I felt as an intern I shouldn't feel pressure to work overtime and left around then."
Hmm. I remember my intern days. Short of allowing my officemates to assrape me, I felt like I had to do whatever possible to show I wasn't some overpriviledged snot with a huge sense of entitlement. Working late included. This kid's a little bitch.
@janine: OMG YES HE IS FARKUS.
Why the "[sic]" in the link to his blog? Surely he's not so dumb as to be ignorant of the spelling of his own name. I assume there's some kind of Germanic-Scandinavian fantasy operating here.
The saga of Erik-the-clueless?
And Eric, it depends on the person, to be sure, but most Boricuans in New York do not consider themselves to be "ex-Puerto Ricans" in the way someone who's escaped an 800-person town might be an "ex-Midwesterner." They're still Puerto Rican, in addition to whatever else they might be.
How sweet. An intern. He's like a little puppy. About to cross the street. I can't watch. Okay, I can.
@Ned B: I just snorted coffee all over my monitor. Thanks!
And Google finds out about the blog and makes him take out references to work in 3....2...1...
Do you think Google fires you if they sense you're faking your virginity?
Will his Segway get tagged when he rolls through that tunnel?
Heh, I live in Upper Northwest West Bushwick. Those bitches at 109th are totally TAME and watered down!
God, I can't wait till my lease is up.
And Far-far, ther is no WAY that kid is faking it!
He's like a less ambitious version of the Almost Famous kid.
@Clarence Rosario: And rich. Damned math skills.
@swedish fish jr.: And young and healthy looking. Damned youth.
@jazzy: Nah, unless it's trade secrets or makes 'em look really bad, they encourage it, if anything. Damned sane employers.
Humanities-major peons, let us UNITE, against our technocrat overlords! We have nothing to fear but their derisive laughter!
I thought it was universally known as SpaHa by now.
Being a fellow Minnesotan, I feel like I should stick up for this guy, but it just makes me realize I am so lucky that they didn't have blogs in my day. I would have made the biggest twat of myself.
I agree with Swedish Fish Jr When I interned, we were told basically that we are being "judged by all at all times" and that there was no task too menial, too subhuman, too degrading to think we were above doing.
Not unlike my job now, except this 4th of July- I actually did leave early.
Forget the fact that Google is going to make him take out references to his job. They're going to fire him for not using Blogger.
@AndIAmTellingYou: You're welcome. I'm less cute than a puppy, so I have to work harder.
@Sayser: Are you kidding? Who do you think put him up to blogging in the first place? Google's going for the kiddie vote again, and Eric's their fake regular Joe, like Tom from MySpace.
These are the kind of guys I like to fuck, to be honest.
I wonder how many internet writers like this one use Google to search random blogs per day to get public attention. Of course, it's legal, at least so far, and it's their profession. However as one of the closest people, I found it amusingly enough that more 90% of people are commenting total nonsense about something they don't have a clue. :) I guess, human nature.
QiQi - his girlfriend
p.s. We use 'metro' in Europe ;)
All I can think about is Rose Nyland talking about her Uncle Hans who rode a goat 70 miles to buy flugelvargen so the family wouldn't starve. If only they knew how easy it was nowadays.
He's blocked up his blog but thanks to his employer's omnipotent powers I can still read the cached version and it's BORING. Eric, you need to get high and get laid or expose Google's secret labs where the experiment on humans. Just SOMETHING interesting. Boring people don't last in New York.
i hate him. why are you making me read this?
I guess there's no freedom of speech here... too bad. Better do it somewhere else. :)
Interesting after my second post the first appeared as well with a lightening speed. ;)
'Too Bad' that it could get to the latest for my first post... due to the 'technical' problem? :D
@QiQi: Yep, "internet writers" like Gawker need to goof on unpaid Google code monkeys in order to get "public attention." That's right.
Now go back to Saint-Etienne, commie.
@QiQi: Hi QiQi! As we say on the site, non-approved commenters are manually approved by Intern Kaila. (All hail Intern Kaila!) No conspiracy there.
As for your original point, well, I'm baffled! But that's legal for now too! Too bad your guy took the blog down. So much for free speech! Best, etc.
I hate him and everyone like him for what they've done to New York. We need some grisly, high profile murders of a bunch of young, well-scrubbed, fresh-faced Midwesterners to curtail their boring ranks. Let's start with Pete Wentz.
@Choire: I think it was something about internet writers wanting attention. But she must've missed the memo about Balk's cock being off for a couple of days.
QiQi, Gold Star for standing by your man.
It worries me a little bit, though, that you say it's legal "so far" to use Google to, um, search the Internet. What exactly do you know?
@QiQi: Look, you guys are adorable, to be sure. But sometimes folks get thrust into the Interschnitzel spotlight well before they are good and ready. Google, in part, has a hand in that.
@TedSez:
I just meant internet law is not developed yet. :)
To everyone:
Really interesting. I guess I surely know why I chose to do MSc in mathematical logic in cognitive science direction. People are just amazingly different, no better, no worse, just different.
Enjoy being yourself, everyone!
@QiQi: I kind of love you.
I was wondering why she chose to do MSc in mathematical logic in cognitive science direction. Thank God that mystery is solved.
Someone please make QiQi a) stop talking and 2) change the spelling of her name. I have an aunt QiQi and its Kiki, for fuck's sake. Also please make her stop translating directly from the German.
Enjoying being myself, everyone!
@QiQi: In my experience, emoticons are mostly used by people who either suffer debilitating anger or are twelve. Either way, please don't pose for Cobrasnake.
@peppermintpatty: Me too! Like good interns, they try harder, to compensate for inexperience, and learn fast. And they're adorable.
@Clevertrousers: On the other hand, that would also be massively entertaining.
Oops. I totally misread that. Now I feel like I've kicked a puppy. I will stand against the wall wearing a blindfold, awaiting your merciless marksmanship.