The Nybro Action Team consists of Hjalmar Sveinbjőrnsson and Alex Bejerstrand, two under-employed friends living in Nybro, a small industrial town in southern Sweden. Hjalmar is a chef; Alex takes woodworking courses. They will be recapping Season 3 of HBO's Girls.
This is Hjalmar of the Nybro Action Team, joined by Alex through Skype, your local Swedish correspondents freelancing for Gawker media empire, and this is our recap of the HBO Girls.
For the last weeks, me and Alex have been meeting up and watching every single episode, poking around the internet and reading all the old Gawker recaps.
Season 3, episode 1 ; Females Only a.k.a "target audience is female"
It kicks off with a montage, found love, lost love, rehab.
Hannah and Adam, wake up next to each other, holding each other dearly, the camera pans from the feet up to their faces, horrible feet, then Adam is shown care for Hannah, making sure she takes her pill, nothing says "I will care for you for ever" like surprise anal (see season 1, episode 1).
Next we move to Marnie, sleeping on her mother couch, with her childhoods Rainbow Brite comforter, woken up by the morning sun but rolls away, facing the day at another time, still hurting after her break-up.
Shoshanne is trapped under a university student, on the top bunk, her new found "free-loving" is prominently displayed, on the bottom bunk sleeps the room-mate, anyone else that thought he was dead? Could have been amazing plot twist.
Jessa on the other hand is spending her time in rehab, early in the morning in the kitchen, trying to wash a plate, she ends up throwing in the trash, she is as rebel as always.
Now the whole gang has risen, to a new height ? maybe.
So you can either read the short version, important bits, or keep on reading:
- Ray does not want to show up a dinner party, hidden from his ex.
- Adam is shown in a new light, but then steps back under his bulb of narcissism, if you hate him, read the long version.
- Hannah's writing might be amazing enough for a dot-com publicizing, maybe joining the ranks of amazing journalists like; me.
- Heroin addicts don't like Federico Fellini films.
- Jessa has an impressive Gaydar, get kicked out of rehab.
Now for the long version.
We are at Ray's café, Hanna is trying to convince Ray to join them for dinner, he is not having it, no interest in meeting his ex, Hanna cant understand why he does not want to get it over with "you are gone meet her anyway ONE DAY!", Ray refuses, the city is big enough to hide, the neighbor hood is big enough, Hanna is shocked.
I dated a girl couple years ago, fantastic person, but we were just a little bit too young and fucked in the head, ended up as a bad break up after a little over a year, this happened back home in Iceland, Reykjavik, a city of 120,000, sharing the same friend group, still I manage to go 2 years without seeing her, of course when we finally meet it was a bit "dramatic" but both of us got the time to figure things out, re-root our self's into our own life.
When a person breaks-up with you and wants to move an romantic relationship to a platonic one in one sitting, is he/her doing it for you or the past noun of "us"?
Lets back to the show.
Adam drops by Ray's café, suprises Hanna, lovingly he has dropped his keys down a subway grate, ha ha, what a lovably comic relief character, I don't wish at all he would have died in that car crash.
While he is having a nice conversation about his neighbor that is a "total .. bee?" two girls start calling out his name, he dwarfs behind Hannah, saying he does not know them, they standup and head straight over to the trio, shouting such a lame insult that I am gone make up my own.
YOU SAD PIECE OF SHIT, A EMOTIONALLY DAFT MAN-CHILD, MASQUERADING AS A HUMAN SIZED BUTT-PLUG !
The two women, a tall blond women that shouts the insult to insults, and Nathalie that is a Latino looking hotty, blond forcing her Latino friend to deal with the monstrosity that is Adam and how he betrayed her with the standard "I love you" to get laid, then never call or contact that set person again.
YOU SAID YOU LOVED HER, never called her again!?, just fucked her like a PIECE OF MEAT !
And left something in her belly, that grew into a baby, A FUCKING BABY !
And its YOURS, how does it FEEL to abandon YOUR SON !
STOP!, Nathalie the hotty says, "I am not pregnant"
but YOU FUCKING COULD BE!, By this DONKEY ! (Adam)
After insulting Adam to the state he looks like a wet dog, they move on shoveling the shit Hannah's way, she is not hot enough for him to leave her for Nathalie, condescendingly saying "is THIS the girl you left her for?" Side note; people are shit, this show is about shit
The girls leave, each with the same bold statement of not paying the check, Ray does not care, hope they come again, he liked the blond one, maybe because she said something he wanted to say?
Moving on to the next scene, we are outside Marnie mother apartment complex, she has woken up and is arguing with her mother, played by Jennifer Aniston's twin sister, the one that smokes meth, but I could be totally wrong about this, not going to fact check it, because I made it up.
The argument ends up with the mother storming out, she is sick of her daughter whining about her ex-boy friend and something about all her sacrifices and improvements, end of scene.
Shoshanna is in the library, about to take a nap, she didn't get much airtime because this episode is mostly about Jessa, we are moved to the next scene, Jesse is in group meeting at the rehab center, using her English smarty-pants pronunciation to be even more annoying.
explaining things like "I understood this when I was 5 years old"
Heroin is really really good but also really really really bad for you, then she goes on outing some girl for being a lesbian, the girls throws caffee at Jessa, then storms out what a fun person to hang around while you are trying to deal with the cold turkey, a gold turkey?
She gets called to the rehabs directors office, she is wearing a sign that says; SKRILLEX !
PLOT TWIST AND A COWBELL DRUM SOLO !
Nope, nope nope
the sign said "Females Only", can you find the connection ?, amazing stuff.
The director at the rehab is sick of her shit, but Jessa keeps strumming like the guitarist in LIVE, what a terrible band, how can you see dolphins cry underwater?, I dont like Jessa, thankful for the end of that scene, we are joined by Hanna in a candy store, she is sitting with her publicist.
He wants to publish her amazing writing, on the internet, she is mildly happy he informers her that the cups are made of chocolate, Hanna is incredible happy, even deceits to write that into her hopeful future TV show as a standard fat joke.
Side note; Kill me
We are in Hannah and Adam's apartment.
Adam tries his hardest to listen to the Girls, I do too but can't, Marnie suddenly start crying, I guess she was talking about her EX boyfriend and burritos, something to do with Adams only input.
Alex my co-journalist forgot to start the Girls episode and instead kept watching an anime episode, I cant wait for next week when its his turn to type and I only have the input job
We are back at the rehab center, Jessa has entered the room of the "so called lesbian", the poor girl had been sexually abused by her uncle, one of the larger reason she is an addict, Jessa connects with her with some shitty fucking story, I WANTED TO SCREAM! I hate her I hate her I hate her ! Saidhaspodihasod jaosdja ps'daosd asoid hrmpf .. back
Okey … So this girls has been molested as a child, so Jessa explains to her that SHE herself was never molested, BUT she also had a "weird" uncle that told her, horrible things as a child, so yes, totally the same thing …. 1 minute later Jessa is going down on former so called lesbian to Yes I am an lesbian, some staff members come in, screaming; THIS WILL BE REPORTED, after couple of seconds of just standing and staring.
We are back at the dinner party, Adam tells tales of himself, how he got over a breakup, the story is just plain bad, so are the reaction of the girls, Hanna at least keeps her head and is not into hearing this story again, maybe just because the story is not about her.
CUT AGAIN, this show is cut and edited by a person on amphetamine.
We are at the rehab, Jessa gets kicked out, she calls Hannah and Adam.
They are fucking, facing each other, their love life is great now.
Hannah finally picks up, she is angry at Jessa for bailing on them.
Jessa explains she has been in rehab, been kicked out and needs someone to pick her up.
Hanna asks her boy friend "how old do you need to be to rent a car?"
This was a very low key episode, nothing really happened, mostly just settling people in for the season 3, I hope I die before next week and Alex takes over this, that might sadden his family because he might take his own life in the process
and Alex Bejerstrand
Nybro Action Team
[Photo via HBO.com]