The Nybro Action Team consists of Hjalmar Sveinbjőrnsson and Alex Bejerstrand, two under-employed friends and former Nybro residents now living in northern Sweden. Hjalmar is a student and a chef; Alex helps run his father's talent agency. They will be recapping Season 3 of HBO's Girls.
Thirty-seven hours into my final goodbye toward nicotine and cigarettes, needed some wine to make this tolerable, today I hate everything and Alex is glad not to be living with me as he has gone through the last time I tried stop, I manage 3 months and now I plan on stopping for good, lets hope the best but who the fuck cares so lets get this over with before I dig out my own lungs with a "wire-hanger" to make a glass of freshly squeezed nicotine blood juice.
It starts with Marnie arranging some flowers, placing name tags on different bed's and then stepping out on a balcony of a house that looks right out of a Hitchcock film, the title GIRLS is embedded over the screen, welcome to the seventh episode of this show titled "Beach house."
In the next frame we see a bus pull up at a pier where Marnie awaits her friends. Hannah is the first one to step off the bus. I thought I was a person that didn't care about fashion but I guess I do, that is one ugly fucking outfit, next one is Shosh with her squint up face of total ignorance asking "Is this the Hampton?" Marnie corrects her, telling her this place is for people that find the Hampton "too tacky" and don't want to sit on a beach wearing J. Crew or something, anyway just wasted on Shosh.
Marnie asks where Jessa is and if she even showed up, Hannah explains that she is coming, she wanted to sit on the back of the bus for political reason, moments later she makes her exit with a pair of seniors that she has been chatting with and is saying her goodbyes "So glad to meet you, you guys are the best!" and then goes on asking Marnie if its okay if they can hang-out with us this weekend. Marnie thinks its a problem because she borrowed the house from her mom's friend, Jessa says its okay because they would probably not show anyway, it was more of a token of "weird sound with her mouth"
(I tried and I tried, cant hear what she says).
We are in the hallway and entree of the house where the girls scramble inside each to claim the best room. Hannah says you cant claim a room without saying "shotgun" (that is not how it works … if you are going to claim a room you shot "MINE" and let out a steamy fart or the best you can muster). Marnie already knew this was going to happen, that being the reason for the first scene of the show, Shoshanna is put "where-ever"," Jessa gets the most "bohemian place" or the light house and Hannah and Marnie have the only room that are connected, she looks generally creeped out by that notion, but her friend insists its going to be just like old times.
We are outside and the girls are having fun in and around the pool, frequent scenes of them jumping in to the pool but the "play-time" ends when Jessa tries to hold Hannah's head under the water. We cut to the beach that is front of the house where they are sun bathing on the rocky beach and I delete and rewrite couple of sentences about fifty times in blood shot moment of rage, I have never hated characters in a show as much, its like someone pitch me a blend of "It's always sunny in Philadelphia" and "Curb my enthusiasm" but the whole time explaining to me that its not a comedy, not even a drama because life has ALL those elements. But let me just write down the sentences that made me watch Family Feud bloopers for about an hour before I could re-turn to this cesspit of Lena Dunham characters creation
Hannah: This is so hard on my feet, I am not staying down here, its like a monsoon is brewing
Marnie: Its the best swimming condition imaginable, I am having the best time of my life
Jessa: I cant go into open water unless I am menstruating
Sosh: nods her head in agreement to what Jessa said
Marnie: You guys, we are so disconnected right now; I thought this was a good opportunity for us to have fun together and yeah prove to everyone via Instagram that we can still have fun as a group
I don't know why that infuriated me in such a way but to keep up with my journalistic credential I asked four different ladies about this "menstruation in open water" part and none of them even got the joke.
I guess that is suppose to be the "comedy" element of this show, how shallow and terrible they all are but cant they at least make two or three characters likable instead of just Ray that seams like he is going to be "killed off" any moment. If we are getting this total wrong then "buh hu" because everyone is entitled to an opinion, just depending on how loud they have to shot, but the Instagram part we found the most fucked and its incredible how shallow Marnie manage to be in open waters and the fact Jessa says NOTHING about that comment.
We end this beach scene about Hannah complaining about the wind and Marnie shooting down Jessa's ideas about playing some rehab trust games, basically saying "It is not a bad idea but I think it sucks because its not how I imagined it" and then announcing they need to go and shop for dinner. Next we see them cycling down a road heading to town, Marnie asking Hannah if she should not be wearing clothes and shoes instead just a bikini, her answer is "its a beach town," cut to next scene where Hannah is asked to leave the first shop they go into because "no shoes, no service."
Hannah is standing outside the shop glaring into the windows when a group of guys make comments about her being a "spring breaker," turns out that its Elijah her ex-boy friend recently out of the closet homosexual with a trio of other like minded men. Hannah is not pleased but realized that maybe if she gets them to come tonight it wont be as weird as Marnie forcing the whole group to forget everything that has happen in the last 3-4 years and go back to being "bff" instead the wreck that Marnie finds her life to be and surroundings have become.
A short conversation between them were they both agree that Marnie is a control freak, they are going to but all this behind them and Elijah and his friends agree to come to the beach house to save the night from a forced "healing the wounds of broken friendship."
The group is sitting around in the living room having a nice time when Marnie comes in asking Hannah If she could follow her into the next room for a "tick check," she seems pissed of but when they get into the back room Hannah explains to her this could be amazing because Elijah was the cause of this rift between them and it should be appropriated that he is there for the closing of it and those people are theater people and you love "those kind of people," kind of prejudiced towards theater people but lets carry on with out noticing, I do it constantly.
Next scene please and we are out on the balcony, the people are laughing and having fun, Elijah has to go inside and check up on Marnie that is cooking dinner alone. He asks her what she is making "its a julienne vegetable salad from the cook book The art of France cooking." None of those statement being entirely true but cooking when done right is an art form, and art is not suppose to be subjected to terms, but when you say "julienne" it means just the size it should be cut into and I would not call some strips of carrots, leeks and what looks like to be zucchini a salad, especially because later on she seems to have sauteed it (stir fried).
But anyway, Elijah is just trying to make up with Marnie so maybe I should not focus on the cooking, but hey he is also trying to get "an forgiveness" out of her so we are probably both wrong so just go a head and stir fry that fucking salad of yours. In the background Hannah dances to a hip-hop song while pouring water over herself, Elijah thinks Hannah is in a fantastic place while Marnie is disgusted, either by her figure or what the song is referring to, that is up to you to decide.
We are in one of the rooms where Hannah and Elijah's boyfriend are having a talk in private about their better halves, he says he has no idea what Elijah does with his days, supposed to be working or taking care of this dance-group but every time he calls him it sounds like he has been jerking off. Hannah tries to save this by saying Adam jerks off all the time but thankfully uses half of his energy into jerking or she would be a "pounded out piece of meat" or how I would word it "escalopes," just because Lena is playing with "cooking terms" this episode. But right after she says "pounded out etc." he tells her that she reminds him of a friend he just loves, she is always trying new thinks and bathes like ones a month. Elijah steps into the room and gets asked if Hannah does not remind him of her, only replay is "She is fat as shit" and then leaves. "You are WAY skinnier then her" the boyfriend says to try to save the situation unsuccessfully.
We are back outside where Marnie described her breakup to Elijah that tells her that it was the saddest story ever, in the background one of the friends is dancing some Broadway "never made it" dance. Marnie mentions her and Ray but Elijah is shocked and asked "when did you start hanging out with old-man Ray?" Instead of defending the old-man she heads inside to learn that dance, and in the end the whole gang gets called in for a "rehearsal" and in only couple of minutes the whole group has synced up and performing their little dance number, but in the end of course Marnie wants it done again so they can iron all the kinks out, one of them being Hannah's timing.
Ends up the reason being that Marnie is still pissed at her for inviting the cast of "magic Mike" for dinner, because if things can't be perfect they are supposed to be as close to perfect, like when you have food for four people that you actually have for four people for dinner to enjoy perfectly. Marnie is mad, the guys want to Google map "Dominos" and Shoshanna, well beyond tipsy, calls Hannah out for hogging all the empathy. Marnie brings up the duck again that defiantly was not a duck in real life, looked more like chicken, but Shosh thought it tasted like a used condom, this friend group is breaking up and my need for a cigarettes is not as bad as it was couple of hours ago, I should have written up this fight but if you been following the girls Recap or just the show it selfs you can pretty much fill up the blanks.
Best think Shosh has said during this whole three season: What are we ?, like a fucking Jane Austin novel? Recommend people to catch this bit, it starts 22 minutes in.
Pointless to write more, this some recap somehow ended as nearly 3 pages of nothingness, just bottled up emotions, shitty narcissistic view points and us the Nybro Action Team up to our earlobes.
I recommend for people to search for the song "Long Time" by "Deer Tick," light them if you got them, drag the smoke deep and lean back on whatever supports you because at this moment life is stupid and you are the center of it.
Join us next time when my hatred of everything has died down a little and we recap the eighth episode.
Illustrations by Alex Bejerstrand. Read previous installments of Nybro Action Team! here.