The Nybro Action Team consists of Hjalmar Sveinbjőrnsson and Alex Bejerstrand, two under-employed friends living in Nybro, a small industrial town in southern Sweden. Hjalmar is a chef; Alex takes woodworking courses. They will be recapping Season 3 of HBO's Girls.
Nybro action team reporting in ... a little late with episode two, as both episodes were aired in the same night. We have normally upheld great standards of journalistic excellency in our work, where the pain of the two outweighs the pain of the many, sacrificing ourselves like the brave war zone journalists, reporting in the midst of the horror that is often unfolding, often because certain parental figures cut their off-spring away from their money-squirting tits of Liberty.
VIVA REVOLUTION !
Also Gawker HQ left out the information that they were going to show two episodes the same night, and looks like they hired a man from 1996 to make the DVD menu with the copy of the first half of the season, terrible menu, same episode twice in the row, what is going on?
Gawker is clearly hiring people on drugs.
But let's get to the recap. Alex is not joining tonight as his internet connection is going to be installed in three days, he has seen it though and has send me his "pointers."
So let's get started, if someone cares to remember last episode then Jessa just got kicked out of rehab for totally "badass" reasons.
Having sex for acceptance and freeing a closeted lesbian just like a magician would with a black dove, or a white dove depending on where you stood on that white Santa, black Santa debate Fox news was hosting last Christmas.
Start with Hanna wakes up Adam, he falls naked out of bed like the "funny and sexy" character he is, he needs to rent a car, because she is not old enough, they are in the car together with Shoshanna, singing some terrible pop-song.
Adam as the representative of the male gender, he smashes the radio with his manly man hands and the group moves on to a conversation of the "models of female friendship" that I am probably not allowed to discuss because I was born with a dick and you are the internet.
Hanna starts out by pointing how much writing time she lost, she hopes Jessa will appreciate that, or at least some years later when she sees some of Hanna's work.
Adam is disagreeing with this whole thing, kind of surprising hearing it from him, but then his response to "female friendship" is not. If the guys here are wondering what it is, so am I, probably something wonderful and magical, filled with mysticism and cheerful laughter.
Not far from the erotica films of the '80s.
This conversation is all about male beasts and female beauties, the brute and the innocent "virgin."
Jessa meets up with her only rehab friend, some cheeky older English gentleman, they share a deep philosophical conversation in their English accents, the only way philosophy can be done right, about age and limitation of the mind.
The gang, or Hanna, Adam, and Shoshanna have stopped at a restaurant, Shoshanna asks Adam what is his favorite utensil but he has never thought of it but picks fork, she then blows his mind by suggesting "clouds" because they are fluffy … what about sporks?
Hanna is back at the table, but then proclaims she has to pee but actually just calling Marnie, that is at home with her mother, as they leave the restaurant, Dumdum or the new nickname fitting for the character Shoshanna is carrying a rocking chair—she has just bought a rocking chair for 15 bucks—to make her friend back home jealous, I am a bit jealous.
Hanna sitting in the backseat next to the chair and is complaining about how bored she is, Adam says something "new age and cynical" about boredom, Dumdum says something ignorant, in short; being bored is for losers and I love kittens.
The struggling writer hates the fact she can't write about this boring road trip, that it has no good metaphors, then she moves on complaining about how pointy the rocking chair is, then sticking her head between the rocking chair legs and proclaiming that she is stuck, is Adam the rocking chair?
(Mother fucking skrillex.)
They are in the hotel room, Adam is basically ordering everyone to bed, but the girls want to play a female friendship game called "truth or dare," of course Adam has never heard about it, not because he is a man, but because he is a "bad boy hipster," or bbipster, pronounced with ironical stammer, his first "dare" is to kiss Hanna, he does, they fuck.
Dumdum bails out of the room and ends up falling asleep on the hallway where Hanna finds her the next day, and does not give a flying fuck about where her friend slept, it might be because Dumdum view of the world is like of … a barbie girl?, made of plastic?, it's fantastic? And she actually hates her but the laws of "FEMALE FRIENDSHIP" prohibit her to expressing it directly.
But anyway they talk about Jessa, and share very different views of her, Hanna finds her to be a bottomless pit of drug-abusing depression but Dumdum just says she is just having fun and had anyway made some good "rich husband" investment and cashed in.
They are back on the road, heading to pick up Jessa. Hanna asks if they can stop because she is feeling nauseous, Adam stops, but he exits the car to go for a sarcastic hike, ends up leaving his girlfriend behind and is followed by Dumdum on his short journey of discovery, Hanna is shown with her butt out lying in the leaves while Dumdum tells him how giving he is as a boyfriend.
We are back at the rehab center, Jessa and the older junky friend are having a gossip pissing contest that ends up with him discussing when they would "properly fuck," Jessa is not on the same pages, as in "we are never going to fuck," old junky reminds her that they already gave each other the look, the look of "we are going to fuck," Jessa does not agree, the old guy backs down, eats some stashed Purps, Jessa looks on disapproving.
Hanna and Dumdum are waiting in the reception for her to be released, the head doctor of the rehab informs them that they don't think she is ready to be released but can't stop her, also that they could have driven her to the airport, but she refused because her friends were going to get her.
Hanna is mad, Adam is furious and storms out, Dumdum goes and bums a cigarette off the "shakers" (people fresh into rehab).
Jessa and Hanna are outside, alone having a conversation about how angry Hanna is at her, one unconvincing apology from Jessa and she has moved on to talk about her ego-destructive hairstyle, I basically have the same one, but I look fantastic, they make up.
We are back in the car, show is hopefully ending now, Adam offers to help her find a meeting, Jessa is like "maybe," to that he answers sarcastic, road-trippy exit music plays.
There is like nothing happening in this show, AGAIN, somehow slower then the first episode of the season.
Maybe we are building to some amazing plot twists!
But this is Hjalmar and the Nybro Action Team, recapping Girls a.k.a "the worst people in your friend group."