Bill de Blasio may be New York's tallest acquisition since Carmelo Anthony, but height does not always bring happiness. You know that precariously stacked tower of Raisin Bran at the corner deli? The mayor may be able to pull the highest one down with ease, but that doesn't mean he won't also become permanently blinded by your murderous umbrella handling.
The New York Times, at the behest of BdB height truthers everywhere, revealed the mayor's height down to the eighth-inch—6-foot-5⅞—while explaining that some elements of City Hall were being adjusted to accommodate de Blasio's imposing stature. Notably, "a longer microphone stick was added."
A 6'7" reader: The subway is absolutely unrideable.
A 5-foot elf: Armpits are everywhere!
A 5'6" man: Women won't date me, which seems crazy, right?