Alan Greenspan, the guy who saved the world right up until we realized he was responsible for destroying everything, says stocks are headed up. PANIC.

Alan Greenspan, 2004: "American consumers might benefit if lenders provided greater mortgage product alternatives to the traditional fixed-rate mortgage."

Alan Greenspan, 2005: "Although a 'bubble' in home prices for the nation as a whole does not appear likely, there do appear to be, at a minimum, signs of froth in some local markets."

Advertisement

Alan Greenspan, 2005: "The resolution of our current account deficit and household debt burdens does not strike me as overly worrisome."

[Housing bubble pops and everything goes to hell]

Sponsored

Alan Greenspan, 2008: "“I still do not fully understand why it happened.”

[Pause]

Alan Greenspan, 2013: “In a sense, we are actually at relatively low stock prices... [the market has] gone up a huge amount, but it’s not bubbly."

DEAR GOD.

[Related. Photo: AP]