Oh No, Alan Greenspan Says the Stock Market Will Keep Going Up

Alan Greenspan, the guy who saved the world right up until we realized he was responsible for destroying everything, says stocks are headed up. PANIC.

Alan Greenspan, 2004: "American consumers might benefit if lenders provided greater mortgage product alternatives to the traditional fixed-rate mortgage."

Alan Greenspan, 2005: "Although a 'bubble' in home prices for the nation as a whole does not appear likely, there do appear to be, at a minimum, signs of froth in some local markets."

Alan Greenspan, 2005: "The resolution of our current account deficit and household debt burdens does not strike me as overly worrisome."

[Housing bubble pops and everything goes to hell]

Alan Greenspan, 2008: "“I still do not fully understand why it happened.”

[Pause]

Alan Greenspan, 2013: “In a sense, we are actually at relatively low stock prices... [the market has] gone up a huge amount, but it’s not bubbly."

DEAR GOD.

[Related. Photo: AP]