Bill de Blasio may be New York's tallest acquisition since Carmelo Anthony, but height does not always bring happiness. You know that precariously stacked tower of Raisin Bran at the corner deli? The mayor may be able to pull the highest one down with ease, but that doesn't mean he won't also become permanently blinded by your murderous umbrella handling.
The New York Times, at the behest of BdB height truthers everywhere, revealed the mayor's height down to the eighth-inch—6-foot-5⅞—while explaining that some elements of City Hall were being adjusted to accommodate de Blasio's imposing stature. Notably, "a longer microphone stick was added."
But the mayor doesn't speak for the whole melting pot of NYC, no no. After surveying their readers, the Times revealed that everyone is insecure about their shitty height.
A 6'7" reader: The subway is absolutely unrideable.
A 5-foot elf: Armpits are everywhere!
A 5'6" man: Women won't date me, which seems crazy, right?
One must simply become Peter from Greenpoint, who explains that he is "an adult male of perfectly average height and weight." Seems to check out.
[Image via AP]