Orgasm Machine Now Ready to Solve All World's Problems

In the latest case of life-imitates-porn-cliché, a surgeon claims he's invented a machine that allows women to give themselves instant, remote-controlled orgasms. As long as they're cool with having electrodes implanted on their spines, anyway.

Stuart Meloy, a surgeon at Piedmont Anaesthesia and Pain Consultants in Winston-Salem, N.C., says he accidentally stumbled upon the idea while treating a patient.

"I was placing the electrodes and suddenly the woman started exclaiming emphatically," he told New Scientist. "I asked her what was up and she said, "You're going to have to teach my husband to do that."'

Meloy says he hasn't tested his device on men, but he has no reason to imagine it wouldn't work. A Minneapolis-based company called Medtronic has signed on to conduct tests of the orgasm machine.

The device is only meant to be used for serious cases of orgasmic dysfunction—a condition where some women's brains read arousal as a fear response, making it difficult for them to have orgasm—although it obviously has non-medical applications.

The procedure is as invasive as installing a pacemaker—it requires implanting electrodes on the spine and a signal generator just below the buttocks, all while the patient is awake—but one expert told New Scientist he assumes teens will eventually get the surgery for fun.

"If young women of 15 or so are having painful operations to enlarge their breasts when they don't have to, are you kidding? Of course it'll be used," said Concordia University neurobiologist Jim Pfaus.

Kids these days, with their push-button orgasms. Remember when they just used wholesome, old-fashioned 16-inch fisting dildos?

[H/T: Daily Mail, Photo Credit: Arman Zhenikeyev/Shutterstock]