Paris Hilton's Brother Bloodied in Attack Ordered By Lindsay LohanS

Over the weekend, Barron Hilton — brother to Paris and Nicky, son of a hotel — got his ass kicked at a mansion in Miami allegedly at the behest of Lindsay Lohan. What a fantastic news story.

According to the Hiltons, Barron and Lindsay were at a party for rich and gross people on Friday night when Lohan — who has miraculously managed to stay out of trouble since leaving rehab in August — overheard the boy Hilton trashing her. Later in the night, Barron was attacked by an unknown man in what the Hiltons say was retaliation ordered by Lohan.

Though it now appears to be deleted, Paris issued a not-so-vague threat on Instagram (how the world turns!) regarding the attack, per the NY Daily News: "They both will pay for what they did. No one fucks with my family and gets away with it!!" Nicky Hilton also seemed to be alluding to the incident on Twitter, though I can't parse the tweets at all. Maybe you can do better. Or maybe not, whatever.

Barron filed a police report after the incident, saying that Lohan egged on the attacker as he beat him up. Lohan's reps deny this, which I am and choosing to ignore as you also should.

The feud between the Hiltons and Lohan dates all the way back to 2006 when an oily human named Brandon Davis called Lohan a "firecrotch" to paparazzi. Amazingly, neither side has quite yet figured out a way to milk television money out of this. But let's give them some more time.

[photo via Instagram]